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Wife update: Staples out, going to a cane soon, pretty much free to do what she can. She still ain't gonna do much.... Really, she's good, improvement every day. Y'all have a great weekend!! I feel bad for parents nowadays. You have to explain the birds and the bees. The bees and the...

I just switched my “20-year home mortgage” to a “student loan”. Follow me for more financial advice. Woman, on a first date: You’re so feisty, I love that!” Six months later: “You always have some shit to say with your smart-ass mouth”. _______________________________________________________

Doctor: Your lab tests show that you’re doing fairly well for a 65-year-old. Man: Fairly well! Do you think I’ll live to be 80? Doctor: Do you smoke or drink beer or wine? Man: No. I’m not doing drugs either. Doctor: Do you eat rib-eye steaks or BBQ’d ribs? Man: No. I think all red meat is...

A Baptist minister and a Methodist minister lived across town from each other and across town from their respective churches. Each morning, they would ride their bikes to church and pass each other at the bridge in the center of town. One morning the Baptist minister reached the bridge and the...

Yes, Sunday. Ran across some Sunday suitable jokes. Years ago there was a traveling preacher that made the rounds on a circuit of country churches. One Sunday he arrived at one and there was only a single old farmer sitting and waiting. Not sure what to do, the preacher asked the farmer what...

Had to get the wife to her appointments yesterday, (doing good, a little progress every day) today is mine. Between holiday traffic and Naval Academy Graduation today, I expect my commute to be a difficult one. So getting this done while I can. I hope everyone remembers why we have the long...

Social media has taught me a few things. First, there are some incredibly brilliant people in the world. Second, they are vastly outnumbered. _______________________________________________________

Dear Sir: My friend, Ed Peterson, over at Wells, Iowa, received a check for $1,000.00 from the government for not raising hogs. So, I want to go into the "not raising hogs" business next year. What I want to know is, in your opinion, what is the best kind of farm not to raise hogs on, and what...

Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy. But, the Bible says love your enemy. ______________________________________________________

Things still a little weird around here, so another early AM weekend joke. Slow progress. Tinder is for rookies. Go to Facebook Marketplace and search for wedding dresses. It'll show recently divorced females in your area. From there you can filter by size...

Yep, little early again. Maybe some normalcy next week. Or never.... Wife making progress, baby steps. Special shout out to @CobraG for reaching out by PM with words of encouragement. People like him, as well as anyone who reads this, is why I love coming here. I am on a number of forums...

Went to WV, sat in the hospital for 3 hours and then brought her home. Spent yesterday setting up local doctor appointments, in home PT, applied for a handicapped parking permit, etc. Using a walker, can't go far, pain mostly from muscle spasms. PT did get by yesterday to get her started with...

In not quite as early yesterday, but earlier than normal. Headed off to WV to (hopefully) bring the wife home. Still some indecision as to when and if they recommend a couple of days in a rehab. At least that will be here in town. I will use my work voice and manner to get some answers and...

Yes. I am in here on a Sunday. At 6:48 AM. And I have a joke. But first a story.... When we last spoke, I was relating how the wife was heading to a yoga retreat and made jokes about petting snakes and bears while hiking. Well, she fell Friday night in the resort and broke her femur just...

T.G.I.F.!!!!! I will have a pretty good weekend, the other half has gone to a "yoga retreat" where she will be eating vegan, doing yoga and hiking in the mountains. I told her it was good luck to pet the first Copperhead you see. Or bear. Y'all have a great weekend, too!! Dr. Phil gets on...

Jim Henson may NOT have invented all the Muppets, but make no mistake, he had a hand in most of them. ______________________________________________________

The buffed up young guy at the construction site is bragging that he can outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He makes a case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, the older worker has had enough. "Why don't you put your money where your mouth is," he says. "I will...

A duck hunter was out enjoying a nice morning on the marsh when he decided to take a leak. He walked over to a tree and propped up his gun. Just then a gust of wind blew, the gun fell over and discharged, shooting him in the genitals. Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed, he was...

They say alcohol kills people. Think about how many people were born because of it! News Headline: Cross-Eyed Teacher Loses Job – Could Not Control Her Pupils _______________________________________________________

Yep, in on a Friday. You know things are bad when that happens. Y'all have a good weekend, eat lots of tacos and drink many margaritas on Sunday and we will all reconvene here on Monday! Range officer: Sir, you can’t shoot here, you’re drunk! Me: Train the way you fight… Wives are like...

Venus Flytraps can live on sunlight and soil nutrients alone. But every morning they wake up and choose violence. Boobytrap spelled backwards is partyboob! _______________________________________________________

Before it was carved, Mount Rushmore's beauty was un-presidented. Back in 2020, we couldn’t find toilet paper. Now, we can’t afford it. ______________________________________________________

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized She was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his: Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted...

Back in the office Oh how I missed the drama of co-workers. Not... Last Monday I was headed to the doctor's office and the girlfriend told me to ask for some pills that would help me out in the bedroom department. When I got home from the doctor's, I tossed her a bottle of diet pills.... I...

Thank you for calling heaven. I am sorry, all of our angels and saints are busy helping other sinners right now. However, your prayer is important to us and we will answer it in the order it was received. Please stay on the line. If you would like to speak to: God, press 1. Jesus, press 2. The...