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Been a lot of relationship advice lately. Now I need some

Discussion in 'Road Side Pub' started by tdschst, Oct 18, 2011.

  1. tdschst

    tdschst New Member Established Member

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    So yeah it kinda sucks right now. We've been together for 5 years, lived together for 4 1/2, I'm 25, her 23. She started going to school for nursing, but we haven't had the money to get her back in, she hasn't been in school for 2+ years. I pay too many bills to pay for her, she probably could've saved through out a semester to pay for it but it would leave her broke all the time. We've been waiting for me to get my new job after my apprenticeship to pay for her. Well anyway, her friend got her in at a bar and she is bartending/serving. She's been working there for 3-4 months and I'm starting to see her turn into a partying type of girl. She was always humble and that's one of the things I loved about her. I've gotten switched to swing shift (3 nights/2 days)at my building while we're doing some work that has to be done off hours. We've been fighting a lot recently, a lot for stuff that she's doing, and I know that we have a lot of stress on our relationship because of our hours.

    We ended up arguing on Sunday (texting when I was at work) and I got mad and said I'm going to go stay by my dad. She text me 3 hours later saying she was going to go out to eat with her friend Tanya. So I get out of work an hour later (4 PM) and am aggravated so I don't call her like I usually do, usually if I don't call by 4:15 she's calling me to make sure everything is ok. No call. I get home and stick around for a bit and she doesn't come back, which is getting me a little more aggravated. So i get my dog and decide to go fishing for a bit just to clear my head and calm down. I texted her asking where my suitcase is and she doesn't respond. I was only going to stay by my dads for a night or 2 just so both of us can calm down. I get home around 7 and she's not there. So I say F it and call up my buddy to see what he's doing. He's by my other buddies, having a few beers and playing bean bags and tells me to come by. So as I'm getting changed she comes in and I tell her I'm going out. Later on when I come home she wasn't around. Never came home that night, I assume she went to Tanya's.

    So I get up Monday and go to work, I come home and see that she's taken a lot of her clothes from the apt, and took some wine glasses I had over my fridge, that I had gotten from work. I didn't talk to her until Wednesday. I called her and talked to her for like an hour and said I was sorry and what not. She tells me she wants space, she want's to straighten herself out, feels bad because she isn't doing anything with her life, says she still wants to be together but just can't talk to me right now. Over the past week I try talking to her just to find out what is going on and she's giving me responses like I can talk now, when I ask why, she says because I said so. Or she just tries to argue with me.

    She stopped by Saturday, and I pretty much begged her to come back home without getting on my hands and knees. She acted real cold hearted and left. This whole week it's been giving me a feeling that she has another guy, but IDK for sure. She also deactivated her facebook 2 weeks ago out of the blue. I've said to her if you got someone else just tell me so I'm not being strung along, I'd rather know. She just tells me no.

    I go to a sports bar with my buddy for the game Sunday. I see my buddy John and Tanya. They own the condo where Liz (my gf) is staying. I talk to Tanya for quite a while about what is going on, and she says that she thinks she just needs space and that she doesn't think she has someone else, but IDK if I should believe her.

    Well yesterday (a week since she's been gone) I text her and said just level with me and tell me what's happening and I don't want to be kept in the dark. She tries to argue with me when I ask her and says she's already told me and to leave her alone. I tell her I don't know what to do and that it's been a week, normally we'll fight a bit, I'll leave and calm down, then she'll start texting and calling saying she's sorry, this time it's the opposite and it's never been like this, which got me feeling weird. Then she tells me that she heard I was talking shit about her last night and I was like WTF? I did the complete opposite so I call Tanya out on it and she texted me the texts she sent Liz. So I ask Liz who said I was talking shit and she said no one I misunderstood. All Tanya said was she ran into me when she was out and that I had a lot to say. Liz text her back saying she doesn't care what I had to say. Well Liz ends up saying it's over and I ask her if it's what she really wants. She tells me, you can't leave me alone for a f***ing day so yes. I didn't talk to her for 3 days at first then all day Sunday. I tell her to just come pick up her stuff and give me her key. She says she'll be by after work, but never comes by last night.

    The past 2-3 weeks she's been blowing all kinds of money, new ugg boots, new cell phone, clothes, new purse. Like $1000 on just stuff she don't need. She tells me that she wants to move out and us live seperate and that she thinks it would help us (told me this 2 weeks ago). She just started making good money working at this bar, before would work as a CNA helping old people for like 20 hours a week, so never really had money.

    My problem that I know of is I get a thought in my head then start dissecting it and the way things could be and try to figure people out. IDK if she is just being hood rich and not thinking right because of the money, has another guy and is keeping me on the back burner just in case, really is actually trying to help herself (I guess she paid off one of her credit cards this week that she was behind on), or just wants things to be done. IDK if I should just hang out and not talk to her, let her start to miss me and come crawling back, just have fun for a while and not worry about her, if I should not hook up with another girl if the situation comes up, or what I should do. Half the people I've talked to about it said to just hang out, not talk to her and let her miss me, and she'll be back. The other half tells me to go out and get laid.

    The thing is I really do love this girl. I was actually planning on getting her a ring when I got my new job and can support us better. What should I think about her not coming to get her stuff last night? She wants to come back at some point/ she's looking for free storage? All it really is, is just some clothes, snowboard, spare key for her car, pictures,stuff like that. Saturday she took her scrapbook (which has tons of pics of us) and her camera (same thing). Tanya also said that she's sleeping with this pink teddy bear I won her at a carnival 5 years ago. Also the last text she sent me yesterday was I will always love you. I never responded. IDK what to make of this whole situation. Also she moved here from NJ for me (we met in school, she was going to school for nursing before she moved here, and since has stopped because of money) all she has is her clothes and car. I own everything in our apt so with out me all she has is Tanya's couch. I also feel that she was the one that walked out on me and my dog, which I like he's a kid.What do you think? sorry for the long read/rant.
     
    Last edited: Oct 18, 2011
  2. vettez062002

    vettez062002 baller on a budget Established Member

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    dick head answer...

    the first thing you need to do is grow a set of balls. really man? you begged her to come back? come on. You should of laid the law down. Its time to move the hell on. reading this just made me pissed off. You seam like a decent guy who cares... well thats where you went wrong. be a Fning dick. esp when the women bounces out of line. you need to tell off your ex. put her ass out on the corner. she thinks she can control you and do whatever she wants now. time to put your foot down. box her shit up and put it at her friends front door, leave a "FU** YOU" note and call it a day. while your crying your eyes out, shes out plowing every dude she can because now she wants to be some whild chick because she never had the chance to do things when she was younger. it happens! bitches be crazy.

    Go out and find some new hoes. and plow the road as much as you possibly can. Women are stupid. hit it and quit it! with the next chick, I highly suggest you lay the law down from day one. Tell her how it is and what you expect from her. if she acts up. give her the launch and find another one.dont ever let any women tell you what to do. be a man and take control of your life!! you have a apt and a place where you can party it up. live your life. dont let some stupid skank rough you up. just think like charlie sheen.


    good guy answer...
    sounds like the girl changed man. it happens. Best thing to do is move on really. people change, feelings change, things happen in peoples life. take your time trying to find the one you want. way way way to many girls in the world to cry over something this stupid. if you did nothing wrong and shes acting like a child... well let her act like a child. the best revenge will be when she straightens up and calls you back up trying to be a mature adult again and your well past her. thats the best feeling in the world. it just isnt worth fighting over people wanting different things. this isnt some TV reality show where everything is pefect. this is real life! people fight and argue and bitch at eachother. You both need to be able to handle a stupid fight and make up.

    personally im old school. my gf has her roles and I have mine.
     
    Last edited: Oct 18, 2011
  3. Matts00GT

    Matts00GT Mongoloid Mike Established Member

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    She never got to party and now she can. Happens with every chick. For most, it's called freshmen year.

    Sucks, but this probably won't end well for you.
     
  4. tdschst

    tdschst New Member Established Member

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    Pic for the leg humpers

    Tanya, Liz

    [​IMG]
     
  5. Rubenk

    Rubenk Wasn't me. Premium Member

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    Jeez that was long....

    I'd box her stuff up and tell her to come get it. Let her live alone for a while and kinda reboot the relationship. If she still wants to be with you she'll realize it and make it happen.
     
  6. JPD5801

    JPD5801 Member Established Member

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    Let's get this out of the way:

    TL; DR

    PIIHB

    On a more serious note, Good luck - you'll probably need it. . .
     
  7. jliddle

    jliddle New Member Established Member

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    I stopped reading when I read "nurse".
     
  8. DriftwoodSVT

    DriftwoodSVT Raptor club member Established Member

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    Wall. Of. Text.
     
  9. tdschst

    tdschst New Member Established Member

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    Have on a few occasions. Thanks

    Broken up for you
     
    Last edited: Oct 18, 2011
  10. snaked

    snaked 8====D Established Member

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    I'm in a similar situation, I'm a bit younger but a lot of that looks familiar. It's been a few weeks since I talked to her, and quite frankly, it's tough. I've been hanging in there, just chilling with my buddies. I want to forget about her and just go out and do whatever I want, but I can't do that in good conscience. She called the other day, I missed it, but I think it was on accident. But that has really got me thinking about her again. It's a rough feeling. Sorry man.
     
  11. chrisheltra

    chrisheltra New Member Established Member

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    Dont wait for her to come back because you probably wont want it especially after you find out what guys shes been with behind your back. Oh and dont feel bad about banging other chicks and start ASAP.
     
  12. Dominion

    Dominion I'm your Huckleberry.. Established Member

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    Life is too short for this crap. Move on. There is a girl out there right now hoping she finds a guy like you and you are too busy putting all you energy into someone that obviously wants nothing to do with you.

    Think of it as a lesson learned.
     
  13. tnuce10

    tnuce10 New Member Established Member

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    I'm in a similar position dude, and it sucks man....I got some BS excuse kind of like you did.

    Best advice I can give you is keep yourself busy...I've never been so productive at work! haha
     
  14. Imatk

    Imatk Active Member Established Member

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    I agree with all the above posters absolutely.

    She is disrespecting you now. She was disrespecting your relationship before. And without respect you have nothing.

    Cut her the f&^% off and pretend she died. Because as far as it goes she has. She is no longer the person you had feelings for.

    It's cliche but true... there are PLENTY of others out there man.
     
  15. Double"O"

    Double"O" N2S come get some Established Member

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    PIIHB and get rid of her before christmas...nice and cheap that way!

    spend the money saved on hookers and blow or go fast parts!
     
  16. tdschst

    tdschst New Member Established Member

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    Yeah I know I should, it's just tough. I've been keeping myself busy. It sucks because I've really been trying for it lately. She even made the comment before that she can see I'm putting in a lot of effort and she feels she hasn't been and that she's sorry. Saturday she also said that her heart is in it but her head just isn't right now. It'll be hard to do but I know that the right thing to do is to just move on. My dad told me not to make any moves and to let her make the moves, where normally he would be like F her go find someone else. He also said something about claiming abandonment because of how she left without notice. He said she may be liable for half the rent. Also the electric is in her name so I've been debating about leaving everything that uses power on
     
  17. tdschst

    tdschst New Member Established Member

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    I was thinking about that, she doesn't have family here and with the holidays coming up it'll be pretty painful for her
     
  18. Ace5Oh

    Ace5Oh New Member Established Member

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    +1 go out n have fun!
     
  19. Stinger2011

    Stinger2011 Active Member Established Member

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    She started working at a bar, she started partying more, and now she left you and apparently is trying to blame you for her leaving. Yeah. Sorry, man, but i'd say chances are that she's been in a side relationship with atleast one guy already.

    My suggestion is to move on and find someone else. Regardless, don't call her or text her and I would try to hold back on the apologetic, lovey dovey stuff. From my experiences listening to other fellas, they usually don't give a **** when they're with another guy. Box up her stuff, like someone else said, and take it to her so she has no reason to come back unless it's to apologize and ask to come home. Then, it's up to you to finally say whether it's over or not.
     
  20. tomustang

    tomustang Returning Video Tapes Established Member

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    She left now and will continue to do it later on in life, lay down the rules now and tell her your not playing this game.

    Give her the space, pack up her stuff and drop it off at her couch.

    Going rouge means she wants to leave since she isn't with you trying to figure her life out.
     

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