Good afternoon SVTP,
For those affected by the recent snow and extreme cold, be safe out there.
Not really totally comfortable posting this, since I keep my married life extremely private.
But, I'd like to see what others think, as I've already come to certain conclusions in my mind.
Been with my wife for a total of 16 years. Met in High School, dated for roughly 10 years, then got married in 2013 and are going on our 6th year of marriage.
Here are a few of the problems I'm dealing with.
She wants nothing to do with my family, in particular, my mother. I understand this, but, it's hard on me dealing with taking care of my Mother alone, but, also helping her parents whenever.
We never wanted children when we were in our 20's. Now in our 30's, I really want kids. We had many talks over the years, and a huge talk a few weeks ago where I broke down. She doesn't know if she wants kids. The part that gets me, is, I know how she is with kids. Whenever she holds a child, or plays with a slightly older child, her face is emotionless and she refers to them as "it" which drives me nuts; she came back one day after this whole thing and said she is changing her mind and came to certain realizations. I don't believe a person can change their whole being on something that quickly.
Next, comes the drinking. I drink a few times a week for the past several years, and have cut down. She always tells me after a few drinks with friends, to slow it down, I drink too much, etc. The past say, six months, I drink only on the weekends. Some days, I drink 1-2 beers, some I drink 3-4. Whenever I have more than two drinks, she asks me questions on why I need more. Finally, a few days ago, I have half a beer on Friday after a 12-hour day, and dump it. Saturday, due to the weather, was a stay at home day. I had a total of 5 beers. Each time after my second beer where I went to grab another one, she questioned me and gave me all sorts of looks. Over time, she has gotten more involved with how much I drink, how much I spend on liquor, etc. Now, again, after a long talk, she's taking it all back.
My issue is, I don't need it, but, she feels like I shouldn't drink, because she doens't drink.
I've really been internalizing a lot, this has bothered me, because I always feel guilty after I drink and she talks to me about it. I now hate the fact that she did it again and I went ahead and dumped a few hundred bucks worth of beer, plus I still have another $500-$1,000 in beer/bourbon left. I really lost all desire.
For years, I've wanted kids and she told me flat out she thought I was joking and wasn't serious, because of what we talked about in our 20's.
I think she is hanging on too tight and now she is apologizing, saying she will never do it again and I can do what I want, she doesn't want me to leave, etc.
Is this fair to either of us? Are we setting ourselves up for failure if we plan to raise a kid and I give her a chance that she will even want kids soon?
There are a lot of details I have not mentioned, so, if you have any questions, I'll do my best to answer.
One request - Please keep the joking, request for pics and what not out of here. I'm looking for honest opinions and don't need the jokes and what not.
Thank you
-Chris
For those affected by the recent snow and extreme cold, be safe out there.
Not really totally comfortable posting this, since I keep my married life extremely private.
But, I'd like to see what others think, as I've already come to certain conclusions in my mind.
Been with my wife for a total of 16 years. Met in High School, dated for roughly 10 years, then got married in 2013 and are going on our 6th year of marriage.
Here are a few of the problems I'm dealing with.
She wants nothing to do with my family, in particular, my mother. I understand this, but, it's hard on me dealing with taking care of my Mother alone, but, also helping her parents whenever.
We never wanted children when we were in our 20's. Now in our 30's, I really want kids. We had many talks over the years, and a huge talk a few weeks ago where I broke down. She doesn't know if she wants kids. The part that gets me, is, I know how she is with kids. Whenever she holds a child, or plays with a slightly older child, her face is emotionless and she refers to them as "it" which drives me nuts; she came back one day after this whole thing and said she is changing her mind and came to certain realizations. I don't believe a person can change their whole being on something that quickly.
Next, comes the drinking. I drink a few times a week for the past several years, and have cut down. She always tells me after a few drinks with friends, to slow it down, I drink too much, etc. The past say, six months, I drink only on the weekends. Some days, I drink 1-2 beers, some I drink 3-4. Whenever I have more than two drinks, she asks me questions on why I need more. Finally, a few days ago, I have half a beer on Friday after a 12-hour day, and dump it. Saturday, due to the weather, was a stay at home day. I had a total of 5 beers. Each time after my second beer where I went to grab another one, she questioned me and gave me all sorts of looks. Over time, she has gotten more involved with how much I drink, how much I spend on liquor, etc. Now, again, after a long talk, she's taking it all back.
My issue is, I don't need it, but, she feels like I shouldn't drink, because she doens't drink.
I've really been internalizing a lot, this has bothered me, because I always feel guilty after I drink and she talks to me about it. I now hate the fact that she did it again and I went ahead and dumped a few hundred bucks worth of beer, plus I still have another $500-$1,000 in beer/bourbon left. I really lost all desire.
For years, I've wanted kids and she told me flat out she thought I was joking and wasn't serious, because of what we talked about in our 20's.
I think she is hanging on too tight and now she is apologizing, saying she will never do it again and I can do what I want, she doesn't want me to leave, etc.
Is this fair to either of us? Are we setting ourselves up for failure if we plan to raise a kid and I give her a chance that she will even want kids soon?
There are a lot of details I have not mentioned, so, if you have any questions, I'll do my best to answer.
One request - Please keep the joking, request for pics and what not out of here. I'm looking for honest opinions and don't need the jokes and what not.
Thank you
-Chris