I lost my mom to a 5 year battle with cancer, back in 2014 she was diagnosed with cancer in the kidney, they removed the kidney and tumor and we were told all of it was taken out. She went into remmision for 4 years. In September of 2018 4 days after my 2 year old went into remission, she was told the cancer had returned, they set out a treatment plan of radiation and some chemo pills. She told me everything was going good and the treatment was working and I shouldn't worry.
Sometime in early winter, she pulled me aside and told me that the treatment was not working and she was told at the start of her treatment that the cancer would not be stopped and it would eventually take her life. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to hear in my life.
Over the spring I watched her deteriorate in front of my eyes. Some days were good, but also bad. Almost over night in June things took a bad turn, she couldn't walk or eat, lost a ton of weight. She ended up having 2 heart attacks that would put her in a hospital for a week. They ran some scans and we found out 2 main arteries were had major blockage and that if they performed a surgery, she would not make it. This was told to me in a hallway while my mom was laying in a hospital bed waiting to go back to her room. I remember the look on her face, it was terror and she asked me if they were going to be able to help her. I couldn't speak, I stood there quite and then eventually told her "We will find a way".
She ended up staying in a hospital room for 3 more days, I was with her non stop while I was not working. I remember standing across the room and my sister had walked out, my mom asked me " Can I cure her?" Again I told her " I would find a way to make everything better"
She came home for a couple of days, it was the morning of the 4th of July, I had got ready to lay down and went to my room. I laid down, but I swear I saw something in a white dress at the side of my bed, when I got up to see what it was, it went up and was gone, but I got this calming feeling that if my mom were to pass today, I would be alright. A hour and a half later my mom had another heart attack, we called the paramedics and she was transported back to the hospital. I followed the EMS and waited for her in a room. The next 48 hours were crazy, she was sitting up talking and joking with me, I went home and returned to the hospital a little later and they had taken her to ICU. I talked to the DR.s and they had told me that she didn't have much time. I had to call my sisters and brothers, they all flew out while she was getting ready to be put in hospice. She stayed in ICU for 2 more days and than we eventually put into hospice.
I went to work the 7th of July and got a phone call from Anthony's mom, she told me I needed to get there as soon as I could, and my mom was asking for me over and over. I left work and most likely broke every traffic law. When I got to her room I walked in and she couldn't see me but could hear my voice, she told me to come closer and to give her my hand. Which I did. I held on to her hand tight and she told me to promise her, that I would be okay after all this. I promised her I would be alright, she than told me "Dieing isn't scary, so when it's my turn, do not be afraid, and she loved me. I lost it as I told her " I loved her more than anything and I appreciate everything she has ever done for me. She told me she was going to go to sleep and not wake up. I told her, it's okay to go to sleep now, you have fought a long time and you need your rest.
She said she loved me one more time, it was the last words she ever spoke. For 3 days she laid there sleeping and would tear up and cry, the nurses said she could hear us. I eventually went home to finally get some sleep and try to get my head straight. On the 9th of July I woke up at 9:15am. 15 minutes later at 9:30 my older sister called and let me know mom had passed, I asked her when did it happen, she told me 9:15am.
When I was waking up, my mom had taken her last breath. I miss the hell out of her. I called her everyday on lunch to check in on her. The house seems so empty now.
Lately I have found myself wanting to be alone. I go to work and put a happy face on, and tough it out, but when I get home, it's almost like I cannot function. I really haven't wanted to be around anyone, I can sit in her room for hours and think, look at old photos. I have been driving around a lot. Is this normal? Did any of you guys kinda push everyone away and isolate yourself after losing someone really close to you?
Anthony is doing fine right now, he is cancer free, after going into remission every other month for the last year. It's been a roller coaster the last 2 years. I honestly don't know if it will ever stop.
Sometime in early winter, she pulled me aside and told me that the treatment was not working and she was told at the start of her treatment that the cancer would not be stopped and it would eventually take her life. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to hear in my life.
Over the spring I watched her deteriorate in front of my eyes. Some days were good, but also bad. Almost over night in June things took a bad turn, she couldn't walk or eat, lost a ton of weight. She ended up having 2 heart attacks that would put her in a hospital for a week. They ran some scans and we found out 2 main arteries were had major blockage and that if they performed a surgery, she would not make it. This was told to me in a hallway while my mom was laying in a hospital bed waiting to go back to her room. I remember the look on her face, it was terror and she asked me if they were going to be able to help her. I couldn't speak, I stood there quite and then eventually told her "We will find a way".
She ended up staying in a hospital room for 3 more days, I was with her non stop while I was not working. I remember standing across the room and my sister had walked out, my mom asked me " Can I cure her?" Again I told her " I would find a way to make everything better"
She came home for a couple of days, it was the morning of the 4th of July, I had got ready to lay down and went to my room. I laid down, but I swear I saw something in a white dress at the side of my bed, when I got up to see what it was, it went up and was gone, but I got this calming feeling that if my mom were to pass today, I would be alright. A hour and a half later my mom had another heart attack, we called the paramedics and she was transported back to the hospital. I followed the EMS and waited for her in a room. The next 48 hours were crazy, she was sitting up talking and joking with me, I went home and returned to the hospital a little later and they had taken her to ICU. I talked to the DR.s and they had told me that she didn't have much time. I had to call my sisters and brothers, they all flew out while she was getting ready to be put in hospice. She stayed in ICU for 2 more days and than we eventually put into hospice.
I went to work the 7th of July and got a phone call from Anthony's mom, she told me I needed to get there as soon as I could, and my mom was asking for me over and over. I left work and most likely broke every traffic law. When I got to her room I walked in and she couldn't see me but could hear my voice, she told me to come closer and to give her my hand. Which I did. I held on to her hand tight and she told me to promise her, that I would be okay after all this. I promised her I would be alright, she than told me "Dieing isn't scary, so when it's my turn, do not be afraid, and she loved me. I lost it as I told her " I loved her more than anything and I appreciate everything she has ever done for me. She told me she was going to go to sleep and not wake up. I told her, it's okay to go to sleep now, you have fought a long time and you need your rest.
She said she loved me one more time, it was the last words she ever spoke. For 3 days she laid there sleeping and would tear up and cry, the nurses said she could hear us. I eventually went home to finally get some sleep and try to get my head straight. On the 9th of July I woke up at 9:15am. 15 minutes later at 9:30 my older sister called and let me know mom had passed, I asked her when did it happen, she told me 9:15am.
When I was waking up, my mom had taken her last breath. I miss the hell out of her. I called her everyday on lunch to check in on her. The house seems so empty now.
Lately I have found myself wanting to be alone. I go to work and put a happy face on, and tough it out, but when I get home, it's almost like I cannot function. I really haven't wanted to be around anyone, I can sit in her room for hours and think, look at old photos. I have been driving around a lot. Is this normal? Did any of you guys kinda push everyone away and isolate yourself after losing someone really close to you?
Anthony is doing fine right now, he is cancer free, after going into remission every other month for the last year. It's been a roller coaster the last 2 years. I honestly don't know if it will ever stop.
