Adjusting to Civilian Life

Blown 89

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The three of you should start a counseling group for Vets with PTSD. I can just see the suicide rates fall tremendously. All the compassion! LOL!
If you had ptsd instead of this teenage drama bullshit everyone would treat you differently.
 

svtfocus2cobra

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First off, I would say do away with the arrogant attitude about civilians. The military does plenty to indoctrinate us with this idea about how we are superior to civilians because we are tough and determined to accomplish our mission and they are just stupid, lazy, and lack situational awareness. You can be proud of your service and all that you accomplished but you how can you feel proud and good about yourself that you survived 20 years in the military yet cant handle life as a civilian, literally the most normal thing... civilian life is normal. You cant say you are good at adapting and overcoming if you can't return to the thing that you already spent the first half of your life doing.

It's all mental because the military has taught you to be arrogant and overly prideful about being a service member. You need to take from your service what is genuinely useful and relevant to civilian life but then literally do away with the rest of it, and that begins with self-reflection. Plenty of us have made the transition and all of us went through this where we looked at the people around us that we worked and lived with and analyzed how we could fit in with them while not abandoning everything we picked up from our time in. If you truly believe you can adapt and overcome anything then you can adapt to this since you already have at least 18 years experience doing it. But look at your own attitude and feelings to start.
 

Weather Man

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First off, I would say do away with the arrogant attitude about civilians. The military does plenty to indoctrinate us with this idea about how we are superior to civilians because we are tough and determined to accomplish our mission and they are just stupid, lazy, and lack situational awareness.

It's all mental because the military has taught you to be arrogant and overly prideful about being a service member.

Where in god's name does this bullshit come from. If you served and pulled this from your service, you ****ing got it wrong.

The service may preach esprit de corps, service before self, honor and integrity, but arrogance to civilians ain't one of them. That a service member might miss serving with people who have been taught those things is not really so shocking. Goddamn is there some stupid shit in this thread.
 

BOOGIE MAN

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The service may preach esprit de corps, service before self, honor and integrity, but arrogance to civilians ain't one of them

Just because the mil doesn't teach it doesn't mean that it's not something that is picked up over the course of duty.

To say that some don't get (whether it be earned or not) the mindset that mil>civi, is painting with a broad brush.

As with racism (I almost hate to throw this word in here), you won't see through it all it if you keep putting up dividing lines for yourself.

*edit*
All I'm saying is, as I said earlier, you are a a civi now and the sooner you stop perpetuating the belief that there's such a huge difference between you and everyone else, the better off you'll be. You're born, pay taxes, get shit on by everyone and everything, and then you die. The universe doesn't give a **** about who you are, where you're from, where you've been, or what you've done, you're a grain of sand.

Maybe the civis would be more open, more understanding, and more willing to compromise if you stopped isolating yourself

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mysticsvt

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I definitely made a mistake when posting this. I should have said Civilians need not respond with your ignorant posts. You have not made that transition so why did I even ask for your opinion, mistake. I do appreciate those who have not made the transition that still gave support. Honestly. For the Military people thanks even if for the constructive criticism. For the record, I never said Military was better, it's different...way different. When you spend your entire adult life doing one then going to another it's a culture shock. I had one bad day, made a post and got ate up for it. I never said I was perfect, I have made my fair share of mistakes in life. Honestly all I needed was 75% of this post in how other Military people handled it. A week ago I might have been the tuff guy but other night I was not that guy. I was asked for a little guidance, from people that have been through it and how they handled it. Nothing more. This thread is dead.
 

Makobra

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Maybe you feel like it's a mistake because we have never had the luxury of someone holding our hand or betraying us into compliance in this sink or swim life.

The military does I doctrinate you immensely to conform to a strict standard that failing to live up to gets you in big trouble. S

people like that because they are strong. Some people need that because they are weak. Which are you?

You need to ask yourself what this post is REALLY about.
 

mysticsvt

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Maybe you feel like it's a mistake because we have never had the luxury of someone holding our hand or betraying us into compliance in this sink or swim life.

The military does I doctrinate you immensely to conform to a strict standard that failing to live up to gets you in big trouble. S

people like that because they are strong. Some people need that because they are weak. Which are you?

You need to ask yourself what this post is REALLY about.
Any regards to be being weak are furthest from the truth. I made this post because I went from a life that had many highs and lows where I was "strong" throughout all of it. Now I've settled into a life that is easy that does not have all those highs and lows. Constant change of deployments, duty stations, shore duty, sea duty for 20 years and here I am...stationary. If you can't see how that would get to someone...even if just for a day...I don't know what to say. You could understand how it could affect someone who was a Navy Seal or Sniper but even to the smallest degree not another service member just due to life of it? I simply need something to fill the void, how does one find that out here?(rhetorical)
 
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Makobra

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Any regards to be being weak are furthest from the truth. I made this post because I went from a life that had many highs and lows where I was "strong" throughout all of it. Now I've settled into a life that is easy that does not have all those highs and lows. Constant change of deployments, duty stations, shore duty, sea duty for 20 years and here I am...stationary. If you can't see how that would get to someone...even if just for a day...I don't know what to say. You could understand how it could affect someone who was a Navy Seal or Sniper but even to the smallest degree not another service member just due to life of it? I simply need something to fill the void, how does one find that out here?

I get it. However, I do not believe the void you are trying to fill cannot be permanently filled by anything you do in this life.

You are describing what sounds like an ever growing hunger for something bigger than yourself that requires something more of you than what most Americans are content with.

I'm not gonna get all preachy but that hunger was put there by your Creator. The problem might be partly what you do or it might be just your perspective.

I am a father of two, husband of one, Christian, and a mere software developer. My life is constantly changing. On the sueface it might appear to be still but these waters run fast and deep.

These are symptoms of a much deeper existential issue and I would encourage you to dig into that.

Think of it as an adventure, that's what you want right?
 

shurur

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When I got out after just 6 yrs in the Navy and after serving on subs, I had to learn to tone it down a bit.

On Subs it was OK to verbally abuse someone's race, someone's mother, and anything else that might irk them; it was all good clean fun. It was part of the stress relief and not taken seriously.
It to took me a while to figure out than most folks take that stuff personally.

And then there was (is) the swearing...

I substitute teach now and had a fifth grader upset that she could not upset me:
"You don't get upset about nothing..you smoke? (nope)..you drink? (nope); you take drugs? (nope); something wrong with you."
I just laughed.
 

BOOGIE MAN

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I definitely made a mistake when posting this. I should have said Civilians need not respond with your ignorant posts. You have not made that transition so why did I even ask for your opinion, mistake. I do appreciate those who have not made the transition that still gave support. Honestly. For the Military people thanks even if for the constructive criticism. For the record, I never said Military was better, it's different...way different. When you spend your entire adult life doing one then going to another it's a culture shock. I had one bad day, made a post and got ate up for it. I never said I was perfect, I have made my fair share of mistakes in life. Honestly all I needed was 75% of this post in how other Military people handled it. A week ago I might have been the tuff guy but other night I was not that guy. I was asked for a little guidance, from people that have been through it and how they handled it. Nothing more. This thread is dead.
Yeah, instead you said "Perspective however from either side of the fence is welcomed."

Good luck

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FJohnny

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Not trying to offend, but to call a person's individual reaction to changing life situations weak or lacking strength somehow without really knowing anything about that person seems like total guesswork and full of crap.

Don't buy into that! What you are describing sounds like the most normal reaction ever to such a large life shift. That said, only you know what a toll it is taking on you personally. If the situation is in any way threatening to overwhelm, google 'clinical depression' and see if the symptoms fit.

Although I never joined the military and am further disqualified by being Canadian I think I can identify with your situation. I owned my company from an early age. Worked 7 days a week. Had huge swings of fortune through bad times and good. Great triumphs with winning jobs and some, luckily few enough, big losers as well. Sold the business at 40, retired and thought I'd live the 'good life'.

Couldn't believe it when I started moping, got lethargic and bored. How could I miss that rat race? Lucky for me, I stumbled onto golfing daily and hang gliding and a few other diversions and it took care of itself. It was only when one of my daughters was diagnosed with depression that I was able to put the similarities together and realize that I had exhibited really common and typical symptoms myself.

She got some professional help and had an amazing positive turnaround. If there's any chance you might fall into the same sort of category, save yourself a ton of worry, time and effort and go talk to an expert.

Also, don't even think of buying a hang glider. They are dangerous and no good. Today everyone uses paragliders. Way better.

Good luck, man. You deserve a good and happy life and I sincerely hope you get it.
 

Makobra

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Not trying to offend, but to call a person's individual reaction to changing life situations weak or lacking strength somehow without really knowing anything about that person seems like total guesswork and full of crap..

But that isn't the case here is it? The guy gave us lots of information. Yet you hypocritically act like he is owed a happy life which is actial bullshit. Nobody owes you a happy life. Nobody owes you anything but what they agreed to give you.

Don't placate the man like he is some foolish child looking for sweets instead of substance.
 

svtfocus2cobra

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Where in god's name does this bullshit come from. If you served and pulled this from your service, you ****ing got it wrong.

The service may preach esprit de corps, service before self, honor and integrity, but arrogance to civilians ain't one of them. That a service member might miss serving with people who have been taught those things is not really so shocking. Goddamn is there some stupid shit in this thread.

If you served in the Marines then you definitely heard it. The words "nasty civilians" was thrown around liberally when I was in and there was certainly an attitude that civilians were lesser and that you needed to leave all of those bad civilian habits behind. And maybe that was just to make you feel more accomplished or confident as they were attempting to build Marines who saw themselves as something different.

Whether what I said resonates with the OP then that is up to him. I dont necessarily believe that what I said is spot on what he needs to do but from his original post that is something I saw so I posted what I did. You certainly dont have any place to say that what I said is right or wrong. We likely come from very different military backgrounds so who are you to say that yours was like mine?
 

_Snake_

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If you served in the Marines then you definitely heard it. The words "nasty civilians" was thrown around liberally when I was in and there was certainly an attitude that civilians were lesser and that you needed to leave all of those bad civilian habits behind. And maybe that was just to make you feel more accomplished or confident as they were attempting to build Marines who saw themselves as something different.

Whether what I said resonates with the OP then that is up to him. I dont necessarily believe that what I said is spot on what he needs to do but from his original post that is something I saw so I posted what I did. You certainly dont have any place to say that what I said is right or wrong. We likely come from very different military backgrounds so who are you to say that yours was like mine?

This is spot on.

Edited to add: I transitioned in 2004, and it was a huge adjustment. I definitely had some bumps in the road, but you do cope with it better as time passes.
 

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