NWS Pics that make you :lol: every time you see them NWS
- Thread starter WarNipple
- Start date
EPIC!!!!:lol1:
I knew my day was going to improve when the truck pulled up at my home with this cable deep within. No ordinary truck, this one was Holy White, and the gold Delivery logo sparkled like a thousand suns reflected through shards of the purest ice formed with unadulterated water collected at the beginning of the universe. The driver, clad in a robe colored the softest of white, floated towards me on the cool fog of a hundred fire extinguishers. He smiled benevolently, like a father looking down upon his only child, and handed me a package wrapped in gold beaten thin to the point where you could see through it. I didn't have to sign, because the driver could see within my heart, and knew that I was pure. Upon opening the package, an angelic choir started to sing, and reached a crescendo as I laid this cable on my stereo system. Instantly, my antiquated equipment transformed into components made from the clearest diamond-semiconductor. The cable knew where to go, and hooked itself into the correct ports without help from me - all the while, the choir sang praises to the almighty digital god. With trepidation, I pushed "play," and was instantly enveloped in a sound that echoed the creation of all matter, a sound that vibrated every cell in my body to perfection. I was instantly taken to the next plane, where I saw the all-father. I knew with my entire soul, that all was good in the world.
But then I realized the cable was blue, so I only gave it one star. I hate blue.
I know i posted it a while back,m but just came across this agian. it fuggin' kills me.
GHETTO GUMBY
[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qyM0cy2mzg"]YouTube - Ghetto gumby[/ame]
GHETTO GUMBY
[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qyM0cy2mzg"]YouTube - Ghetto gumby[/ame]
^^ lol
- Joined
- Nov 21, 2002
- Messages
- 14,590
lmao!!!!!
Few more
So I shelled out $500 for the Denon AKDL1 Dedicated Link Cable due to its "superior heat resistance, weather resistance, and anti-aging properties." I've had it on me ever since, letting it dangle around my neck. Now granted, it has raised my status. People stare at me, no doubt impressed and even envious that I have the Denon cable. But "superior heat resistance, weather resistance, and anti-aging properties"? Not on your life. I walk in the rain with the cable around my neck and I still get wet. Yesterday, a hot July day down here in Florida, I felt so confident in the "superior heat resistance" of the cable that I walked around dressed as if I was on an Arctic expedition. Oddly enough I still sweated and passed out. So much for "superior heat resistance." As for the "anti-aging properties", well I am still getting older with each passing day. What a gyp.
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bought this cable with high hopes, but eventually I had to return it. When I bought it I took it out of the lovely wooden display case and immediately used it to connect my printer to my laptop. I printed a couple of pictures and, well, the quality simply had to be seen to be amazed. It gave my old printer a whole new lease of life.
Unfortunately, I was woken up by a commotion later that night and turned the light on to discover the cable in bed with my wife. She claims that she must have caught her foot on it on the way to bed, but I'm not exactly sure. It certainly doesn't explain how the cable ended up wearing one of my best ties. I wrote to Denon and they told me that it was unfortunately quite a common complaint. They offered me another set but, to be honest, I suspect they're all the same.
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I recently purchased a boom box from Target that I had planned to use around the house. This boom box was intended as an everyday appliance that would provide just that little boost of energy to help keep me motivated in my daily attempts to take over the world. I wanted to connect the boom box to my liquid-cooled solid-state quadraphonic home stereo system. With such a fine piece of solid-state technology, I could use nothing less than the $500 Denon Dedicated Link Cable. After all, any turntable that employs a Moon Rock needle deserves no less than true cabling perfection.
Unfortunately, a conspiracy of random events combined to thwart my sonic intentions. It is as a result of these events that I am forced to publish my experiences with said cable.
My experience goes a little something like this. I opened my Amazon.com cardboard box with a typical argon laser cutting tool, which you can find at most miliary surplus stores. Upon opening the box, I was amazed to note that beneath the sealing plastic, the cable was emitting its own bright light, slightly blue-shifted. I assumed, quite logically, that the bluish light was simply reflected electromagnetic energy from when I would attach the cable to my home stereo ten minutes hence. Due to the extreme speeds at which energy moves through the cable, it was no surprise that these effects would cause the cable housing to become quantum entangled with itself in space and time, thusly bringing the cable (interior and exterior) into its own self-generating time dilation field. Giggity! Must be good stuff.
Once I returned from locating and donning my 60's-era Haz-Mat suit (just in case) in the bomb shelter, I returned to the living room and began the connection process, as follows:
- Remove plastic seals. Check.
- Gingerly remove cable from form-fitting cardboard girdle. Check.
- Place cable on carpet in coiled mode. Check.
- Verify that cable emits a low-power anti-gravity field while in coiled mode, allowing it to float and rotate effortlessly approximately 3.2 millimeters from the floor. Check.
(Note: Gravity field results above shag carpet are undefined.)
- Use titanium personal mirror to locate connector plugs on back of stereo. Check.
- Place a nuclear flashlight (powered by particle decay of the Cesium-232 atom, naturally) near the mirror for proper illumination. Check. (Was that a fresh clump of my hair on the floor?)
- Bring one end of the cable within 5 centimeters of stereo connector. Wait for electromagnetic forces to auto-select the appropriate port and swoosh into place. Check. (Note: this worked much faster than the $800 iLink connector.)
- Bring secondary end of cable close to the boom box output port.
Alas, this is when the true quality of the cable came to light. As the cable end approached its target (the connector port on the back of my boombox), I noticed a bright light out the living room window. This was
especially interesting, as I have recently coated my windows with two inches of solid lead (after losing a lawsuit filed by my annoying neighbors last year...something about their microwave exploding every time I played a Smokey Robinson record). Anyway, once the cable touched the port and completed the circuit, the room was filled with the most intense white light I've seen in months. As I was losing consciousness, I felt the cable vibrating at an incredible speed, followed by rapidly rising heat. While falling backward onto the carpet, I noticed the cable radiating orange and fizzling away in my hand like flash paper.
I awoke to find the cable gone, except for its badly burned UPC warning sticker, which had drifted over to the corner of the room. The back of my boom box was also melted away in a perfect sphere. From the affected area, my forensic analysis, and the burning in my hand, I can only surmise that the unbelievable quality of the sonic transfer over this cable was so great that it attracted a massive solar flare into my living room. I would have expected that the radiation from that flare would have taken several minutes to reach my living room, but once I realized the high manufacturing quality of the cable, it seemed clear that time was rendered irrelevant in my living room.
Anyway, I would have expected a $500 cable to last much longer than it did, despite this strange conflagration of events. For my money, I'd prefer Dr. Evil's Massive Large Cable Thing, which retails for just under $650. When I used that cable last year, I remember that it lasted for 20-30 minutes before I was rendered unconscious (long story).
So for my money, I can't really recommend this cable for hard-core applications. It's way too sensitive to galactic radiation.
Sincerely,
Dr. Speedie von Kvick
P.S.: In addition to the Denon cable, the solar flare radiation also melted off most of my left hand and wrist, leaving me with little more than a stingy nub. As the cable warranty did not contain any language that referenced such an outcome, I was forced to type this review with my right hand, a left-handed cat, the middle piece of a broom handle and most but not all of a lukewarm cup of Ramen Noodle soup.
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Guide on How to be a Street Racer « Rated ‘N’ for NASTY – The Original McGarvin Intermediate Crew
So, you’ve watched ‘The Fast and the Furious’ eight times, and you live by Dominic’s famous words, “I live my life a quarter-mile at a time, in those ten seconds or less I am free,” you are a bonafide street racer. If you’re fat please don’t confuse this life motto with, “I live my life a quarter-pounder at a time, no lettuce or tomato and french fries for free,” you’re just a bonafide fat ****.
Anyways, before you go blowing your cash on a fixed-up Honda, Nissan, or Acura, take a look in your own garage first. If you own any type of imported vehicle, you can be a street racer! You don’t need a fast car; all you need is some stickers, sweet driving skills and a little imagination.
Driving Techniques
First, let’s discuss how to properly drive your imported vehicle. Even if your import has a stock engine, you can’t let anybody else know this. Although people rarely know the difference, a little mystery will help your image. Driving your vehicle properly is imperative. Think of the street cred points you would lose if you drove just like every other Average Joe? Here are some driving tips that are sure to get you the reputation you deserve:
* ALWAYS drive fast, even if the next stoplight is only 500 feet away.
* Try to secure the front spot when waiting at a stoplight. Make sure your front end is all up in the pedestrian crosswalk to let everyone know who is boss.
* If you cannot secure the front spot, be sure to stop behind a car that has a higher probability of driving fast. For example: If you are faced with the decision of either stopping behind a Dodge Caravan or a Ford Focus, choose the Focus even if you are almost at a stop already. Cutting people off makes them realize how fast and powerful your car is.
* When driving in traffic: One word. Weave. Always try to get in front of people who are blocking your way to VTEC happiness. If someone refuses to heed to your Japanese balls of steel, drive about one foot behind them. This is international car talk for “Please move your vehicle when possible”. If somebody honks at you, it is not because you are driving recklessly; it is simply horns of applause at your aggressive, talented driving.
* When you see a Mustang GT or SRT-4 on the freeway, casually pass them and put on your hazards on, signifying your win. Immediately go home and post on your favorite internet car forum that you raped a Mustang on the freeway. Then masturbate to the thought of your 4-cylinder naturally aspirated monster destroying an eight cylinder with low HP per liter, realizing that at sexual release, only the feeling of going into VTEC is better than jizzing in your hand. Don’t forget to wipe it up with your sock!
Car Image
The image of your car is important to you as a street racer. Without it, you are nothing. Image is MUCH more important than what is actually under the hood. Here are some simple steps that enhance your bragging Horse Power (numbers you don’t need to worry about, just know it makes your car fast in Honda land):
Step 1 – Lower your car: all street racers have lowered cars, without it, you might as well be driving a Yugo.
+ 5 Horse Power
Step 2 – Body kit – Be sure to have a body kit on your import.If you can’t afford one, make it out of cardboard. If you can, don’t worry about painting it, this is not important to your street racing image.
+ 10 Horse Power
[Extra Horse Power if your car has a primered body kit with a painted car and you leave it like that for 6 months or more. + 2 extra Horse Power]
Step 3 – Carbon-Fiber anything: Carbon-Fiber makes your car lighter and faster.
+ 5 Horse Power
Step 4 – Spoiler: The bigger, uglier, more obnoxious the better. A well-placed spoiler SCREAMS “Street Racer”.
+ 7 Horse Power
Step 5 – If you are a girl: be sure to show your Honda power with a pink, flowery sticker that says “Powered By [Your name here]” or better yet, “Powered By Bitch.”
+ 2 Horse Power
[Again, + 2 Horse Power more if the sticker color does not match your car at all]
Step 6 – Muffler tip: Don’t waste your time doing your entire exhaust system. No street racer knows the difference anyways. Just go to your local muffler shop and pick up a 3 inch muffler tip. Sound is perhaps the most important aspect of your import.
+ 10 Horse Power
FYI: Don’t have time/can’t afford a muffler tip? That’s OK! Just get a drill and put a golf-sized hole in your muffler. Works just as well! + 4 Horse Power
Step 7 – Stickers: Stickers on your car enhance and add the much-desired Horse Power. They can be from anywhere, your local muffler shop, body shop, or the sticker from your favorite radio station.
+ 1 Horse Power for every sticker.
Step 8 – Car Color: If you are Mexican, make sure some kind of neon color makes it onto your import. No need for professional paint, spray paint will do.
+ 10 Horse Power
Step 9 – Your Nationality: Being short and Asian with spiky black hair gives you even more street cred…if you are ready to handle the attention, bleach the tips of your hair and bust out your Linkin Park/Jay-Z “Collision Course” CD
+ 10 Horse Power
Step 10 – Tagging your Acura as a Honda: There is no greater sign of greatness in the import world. If you live in the U.S., tagging your Acura as a Honda gives you the BIGGEST penis on the block! You see, in Japan, Acuras are Hondas.
+ a billion Horse Power
Pre-Racing/ Getting someone to race you:
Step 1 – Get in behind them and flash your brights, this is international car talk for “Would you like to eat my dust?”
Step 2 – When coming to a stoplight, intimidate your opponent by revving and rolling down your window to shout mild racing obscenities such as:
* “Your mom goes to college!”
* “Where did you get that spoiler?! The toilet store?!”
* “I slept with your girlfriend last night!”
* “I put my wiener in your sister’s mouth last night!”
Racing
Honk 3 times, and on the 3rd honk, place the pedal to the metal.
Winning/ Losing
Whether you win or lose, let your opponent know who they’re dealing with:
If you win, get in front of them and flash your hazards. This is international car talk for “Oh snap, I kicked your ass, you stupid bitch.”
If you lose, drive off with your head held high and don’t let them see you cry. Talk shit about them to your friends saying it doesn’t matter and their car was a piece of shit anyways, and if you had a better launch you would have won.
Final Thoughts on the Street Racing Life
To finalize your life as a street racer, you must dabble in all aspects of street racing life. For example, you could visit the online Honda Forums daily or stop watching porn and look at live streaming videos of real Japanese Nissan Skylines,those down-and-dirty Toyota Supras or God’s own chariot the Integra Type-R. Whatever it is, remember to always live life a quarter mile at a time.
So, you’ve watched ‘The Fast and the Furious’ eight times, and you live by Dominic’s famous words, “I live my life a quarter-mile at a time, in those ten seconds or less I am free,” you are a bonafide street racer. If you’re fat please don’t confuse this life motto with, “I live my life a quarter-pounder at a time, no lettuce or tomato and french fries for free,” you’re just a bonafide fat ****.
Anyways, before you go blowing your cash on a fixed-up Honda, Nissan, or Acura, take a look in your own garage first. If you own any type of imported vehicle, you can be a street racer! You don’t need a fast car; all you need is some stickers, sweet driving skills and a little imagination.
Driving Techniques
First, let’s discuss how to properly drive your imported vehicle. Even if your import has a stock engine, you can’t let anybody else know this. Although people rarely know the difference, a little mystery will help your image. Driving your vehicle properly is imperative. Think of the street cred points you would lose if you drove just like every other Average Joe? Here are some driving tips that are sure to get you the reputation you deserve:
* ALWAYS drive fast, even if the next stoplight is only 500 feet away.
* Try to secure the front spot when waiting at a stoplight. Make sure your front end is all up in the pedestrian crosswalk to let everyone know who is boss.
* If you cannot secure the front spot, be sure to stop behind a car that has a higher probability of driving fast. For example: If you are faced with the decision of either stopping behind a Dodge Caravan or a Ford Focus, choose the Focus even if you are almost at a stop already. Cutting people off makes them realize how fast and powerful your car is.
* When driving in traffic: One word. Weave. Always try to get in front of people who are blocking your way to VTEC happiness. If someone refuses to heed to your Japanese balls of steel, drive about one foot behind them. This is international car talk for “Please move your vehicle when possible”. If somebody honks at you, it is not because you are driving recklessly; it is simply horns of applause at your aggressive, talented driving.
* When you see a Mustang GT or SRT-4 on the freeway, casually pass them and put on your hazards on, signifying your win. Immediately go home and post on your favorite internet car forum that you raped a Mustang on the freeway. Then masturbate to the thought of your 4-cylinder naturally aspirated monster destroying an eight cylinder with low HP per liter, realizing that at sexual release, only the feeling of going into VTEC is better than jizzing in your hand. Don’t forget to wipe it up with your sock!
Car Image
The image of your car is important to you as a street racer. Without it, you are nothing. Image is MUCH more important than what is actually under the hood. Here are some simple steps that enhance your bragging Horse Power (numbers you don’t need to worry about, just know it makes your car fast in Honda land):
Step 1 – Lower your car: all street racers have lowered cars, without it, you might as well be driving a Yugo.
+ 5 Horse Power
Step 2 – Body kit – Be sure to have a body kit on your import.If you can’t afford one, make it out of cardboard. If you can, don’t worry about painting it, this is not important to your street racing image.
+ 10 Horse Power
[Extra Horse Power if your car has a primered body kit with a painted car and you leave it like that for 6 months or more. + 2 extra Horse Power]
Step 3 – Carbon-Fiber anything: Carbon-Fiber makes your car lighter and faster.
+ 5 Horse Power
Step 4 – Spoiler: The bigger, uglier, more obnoxious the better. A well-placed spoiler SCREAMS “Street Racer”.
+ 7 Horse Power
Step 5 – If you are a girl: be sure to show your Honda power with a pink, flowery sticker that says “Powered By [Your name here]” or better yet, “Powered By Bitch.”
+ 2 Horse Power
[Again, + 2 Horse Power more if the sticker color does not match your car at all]
Step 6 – Muffler tip: Don’t waste your time doing your entire exhaust system. No street racer knows the difference anyways. Just go to your local muffler shop and pick up a 3 inch muffler tip. Sound is perhaps the most important aspect of your import.
+ 10 Horse Power
FYI: Don’t have time/can’t afford a muffler tip? That’s OK! Just get a drill and put a golf-sized hole in your muffler. Works just as well! + 4 Horse Power
Step 7 – Stickers: Stickers on your car enhance and add the much-desired Horse Power. They can be from anywhere, your local muffler shop, body shop, or the sticker from your favorite radio station.
+ 1 Horse Power for every sticker.
Step 8 – Car Color: If you are Mexican, make sure some kind of neon color makes it onto your import. No need for professional paint, spray paint will do.
+ 10 Horse Power
Step 9 – Your Nationality: Being short and Asian with spiky black hair gives you even more street cred…if you are ready to handle the attention, bleach the tips of your hair and bust out your Linkin Park/Jay-Z “Collision Course” CD
+ 10 Horse Power
Step 10 – Tagging your Acura as a Honda: There is no greater sign of greatness in the import world. If you live in the U.S., tagging your Acura as a Honda gives you the BIGGEST penis on the block! You see, in Japan, Acuras are Hondas.
+ a billion Horse Power
Pre-Racing/ Getting someone to race you:
Step 1 – Get in behind them and flash your brights, this is international car talk for “Would you like to eat my dust?”
Step 2 – When coming to a stoplight, intimidate your opponent by revving and rolling down your window to shout mild racing obscenities such as:
* “Your mom goes to college!”
* “Where did you get that spoiler?! The toilet store?!”
* “I slept with your girlfriend last night!”
* “I put my wiener in your sister’s mouth last night!”
Racing
Honk 3 times, and on the 3rd honk, place the pedal to the metal.
Winning/ Losing
Whether you win or lose, let your opponent know who they’re dealing with:
If you win, get in front of them and flash your hazards. This is international car talk for “Oh snap, I kicked your ass, you stupid bitch.”
If you lose, drive off with your head held high and don’t let them see you cry. Talk shit about them to your friends saying it doesn’t matter and their car was a piece of shit anyways, and if you had a better launch you would have won.
Final Thoughts on the Street Racing Life
To finalize your life as a street racer, you must dabble in all aspects of street racing life. For example, you could visit the online Honda Forums daily or stop watching porn and look at live streaming videos of real Japanese Nissan Skylines,those down-and-dirty Toyota Supras or God’s own chariot the Integra Type-R. Whatever it is, remember to always live life a quarter mile at a time.
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That butterfly one is AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!! :rockon::rockon::rockon:
jordan what name goes with those tits?
I'm not Jordan but Juliana Moreira is her name
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god obese people are gross.
And they say "we are disabled" :xpl: Makes me sick!!!! Hell if I didn't do shit all day I would be disabled too...
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