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  1. MDShelby

    Thursday Joke

    Yep, last day this week again. Hope those in FL are surviving and those in the anticipated path are hunkered down as necessary and can weather the storm. I'll see rain and some wind, but not even remotely close to what FL's saw. Four old men went into the pro shop after playing 18 holes of...
  2. MDShelby

    Wednesday Joke

    Want to know a proven way a man and woman can be friends without sex? Marriage. What do a lesbian and a mechanic have in common? They both use Snap-On tools. ________________________________________________________________
  3. MDShelby

    Monday Joke

    Leaving to instruct recruits soon, so in early and off site tomorrow. Enjoy! Why don’t witch’s wear underwear? Because they need a better grip. What do a boyfriend and a spider have in common? Women always exaggerate how big it is...
  4. MDShelby

    Thursday Joke

    This will end my week, have a great Friday and a great weekend! Husband and wife go to bed and the husband makes it obvious what he wants. Wife: Not tonight. I have a gynecologist appointment in the morning and I want to be fresh for the exam. Husband gives wife a blank stare. Wife gives...
  5. MDShelby

    Wednesday Joke

    My grief counselor died. He was so good, I don’t even care. Couple dating: Can’t wait to see you again Couple married: part of your knee was on my side of the bed again last night. ___________________________________________________________________
  6. MDShelby

    Tuesday Joke

    I decided to make sure my wife woke up with a big smile on her face this morning. The Sharpies are now locked in a drawer. ___________________________________________________________
  7. MDShelby

    Monday Joke

    Two farmers, John and Henry, were sitting around talking about their day when John notices a pig with a wooden leg hobbling across the front yard. He turned to his friend and asks, “Henry, why does that pig have a wooden leg?” “Well, John, that pig…,” his eyes mist up, “That pig’s mighty...
  8. MDShelby

    Friday Joke

    Have a great weekend!! Some angry guy with road rage just yelled out his window, “I’m going to make your life a living hell!” I yelled back, "Thanks, but I’m not looking for a relationship right now.”
  9. MDShelby

    Wednesday Joke

    Starting Tuesday September 6th, customers will now be required to unload the semi-trucks at Wal-mart. This will be in addition to your self-checkout duties. Compensation rates will remain the same. If the English language could stop inventing words that sound the same but spelled different...
  10. MDShelby

    Tuesday Joke

    Half the day I wonder if it’s too late for coffee The other half I wonder if it’s too early for whisky ______________________________________________________________
  11. MDShelby

    Monday Joke

    Lawn and Order In the lawn mowing system, weed and crabgrass-based offenses are considered especially heinous. The dedicated lawn workers who mow the vicious vegetation are members of the elite squad known as the Special Mowing Unit. These are their stories. (If you have never watched a Law...
  12. MDShelby

    Friday Joke

    Y'all have a great weekend! A Mexican woodpecker and a Canadian woodpecker were in Mexico arguing about which country had the toughest trees. The Mexican woodpecker claimed Mexico had a tree that no woodpecker could peck. The Canadian woodpecker accepted his challenge and promptly pecked a...
  13. MDShelby

    Thursday Joke

    What’s the difference between California and Titanic? The Titanic had its’ lights on when it sank. ___________________________________________________________
  14. MDShelby

    Wednesday Joke

    Thank God “Smokin' in The Boys Room” was released in 1973. Had it been released today we’d have “Vaping in the Gender-Neutral Area”.
  15. MDShelby

    Tuesday Joke

    What is the worst combination of illnesses? Alzheimer’s and diarrhea. You’re running but can’t remember where. _________________________________________________________________________
  16. MDShelby

    Thursday Joke

    My last day for the week! I hope all have a safe and fun holiday weekend!! Man: Where exactly are you taking me, doctor? Doctor: To the morgue. Man: I’m not dead yet! Doctor: we’re not there yet. ______________________________________________________________________
  17. MDShelby

    Wednesday Joke

    An old woman walked into a dentist's office, took off all her clothes, and spread her legs. The dentist said, "I think you have the wrong room." "You put in my husband's teeth last week," she replied. "Now you have to remove them."...
  18. MDShelby

    Tuesday Joke

    I ate 4 cans of alphabet soup. I just took probably the biggest vowel movement ever. I got thrown out of my local park for arranging the squirrels by height. They didn’t like me critter sizing.
  19. MDShelby

    Monday Joke

    I’ll never understand guys who pay dominatrixes to degrade them. Just get married and fold the towels wrong. ____________________________________________________________________
  20. MDShelby

    Thursday Joke

    My Friday today, so have a great Friday and a great weekend! The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Ernest T Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie were all single. The only married person was...
  21. MDShelby

    Wednesday Jokes

    In high school I was placed in the English bottom class where a teacher said to my face, I’d NEVER make it as a writer. Today, 25 years later, after uncountable knock-backs from almost every publisher, I’m ecstatic to finally be able to announce that teacher has died. Becky: Hey this candle...
  22. MDShelby

    Tuesday Joke

    My friend has just seen the Chernobyl documentary. He actually grew up in Ukraine in the 1980’s and was able to count at least 8 historical inaccuracies on one hand.
  23. MDShelby

    Monday Joke

    First text message: Hi, Morris . This is Saul, next door. I've been riddled with guilt for a few months and have been trying to get up the courage to tell you face-to-face. When you're not around, I've been sharing your wife, day and night, probably much more than you. I haven't been getting it...
  24. MDShelby

    Friday Joke

    TGIF! Y'all have a good weekend! A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse and been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun...
  25. MDShelby

    Thursday Joke

    With a very seductive voice the woman asked her husband, “Have you ever seen Twenty Dollars all crumpled up?” “No,” said her husband. She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top 3 or 4 buttons of her blouse, and slowly reached down into the cleavage created by a soft, silky push-up bra...

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