A Legacy

Revvv

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We have all lost someone dear to us. Many losses have been recent. Feel free to share your memories and let the legacy of your loved one be known.

When my wife's grandfather passed away over a month ago, several of you asked me to share a story or two. I had a tough time typing out what I wanted to say. I met my wife's grandfather about a month after I lost my own. My grandfather was my friend, fishing partner, and partner in crime. We had a lot of fun. My wife's grandfather filled a void that was left when my own grandfather passed, and then he taught me more about life than I ever knew possible.

Most know that my wife is German. Her entire family is from Germany, but when they left Europe, they became American patriots. Her grandfather, father, and uncles joined the Army (with the exception of two). Her dad did not see active duty, but her grandfather and uncles did. They all fought in Vietnam, and Pop was also involved in the Korean conflict. He retired Command Sgt Major.

Why is Vietnam significant? Sgt Major was only assigned one tour of duty, but he had boots in the mud four different times. He volunteered to risk his life in the jungle to be with his children. These two young men that he risked his life for were not his biological children, he adopted them when he married their mother. He never showed an ounce of difference between any of his children, and loved me as if I was his own grandson.

On his last tour in Vietnam Pop found his oldest son's camp destroyed. Everyone was dead, with the exception of his son. He found him bleeding with a knife in his back. If not for that last voluntary tour his son would have died with his buddies.

I loved going through the gates of Ft Gordon with this man. He was saluted by everyone that recognized him. In fact, soldiers, and retired soldiers, saluted him on the street. He was respected and loved.

When Pop retired he moved on to work at a chemical plant, and eventually retired there. However, every spare moment was spent with his family. They played ball in the yard, had cookouts, and even had a few memorable arguments (normally over his grandchildren - they could do no harm, leave them alone).

Pop could work circles around me. He always had a project to do, and he didn't stop until it was finished. When I was too tired to keep going, he kept moving forward. The man was 40 years older than me, and was stronger than I was. There were no shortcuts. If you were going to do a job halfway, don't bother doing it.

There was no violence in Pop. I look back at the pictures of him with my kids, and I cry (I have tears now and I'm not ashamed). He was their best friend. He would drive to my house 40 miles away to pick up my kids for lunch. He would later call to tell us the girls would be home the next day. They made plans to spend the night. The girls played in the dirt, helped him cut grass while riding on the mower, and they ate nothing but junk food. My children always came home spoiled.

When my wife's grandparents could no longer care for themselves 100%, my wife made the choice to relocate closer to them. We have a home on their land, 1/4 of a mile through the woods. We could see dementia setting in after a stroke, but you would never convince pop that he had a problem. He would just say he forgot things. He was at my house every single day. Sometimes he was there multiple times.

Pop took time with my girls. He helped my oldest as she practiced for hours for soccer. He would be the goalie, and defend a regulation sized goal. He would sit outside with my youngest as she shot archery. He would spend hours with my children. His life revolved around his children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. No matter how tired, he was never too tired for the kids.

The kids decorated his Christmas tree each year. They made sure to showoff their Halloween costumes to him. And he never forgot a birthday.

My wife's grandparents own an Olympic size swimming pool. Pop refused to let anyone maintain it. It was his, and he was going to care for it. The same went for his property. No one was allowed to cut his grass (unless you were one of the great grandkids). Cutting the grass or cleaning the pool flipped a switch. You would be cussed at by a Sgt Major as you retreated. There were several times after my wife and I moved closer that Pop would cut my grass. He would see me in the yard, on the mower, and he would join in.

The pool has an interesting significance. Pop never learned to swim. He made sure the pool was clean though. He also made sure he was in the pool when the kids were in there, despite the fact that they may have to save him. He followed them around with an umbrella while they swam so they wouldn't be sunburned.

Pop's yard looked like Botanical Gardens. There were always flowers in bloom. At least twice a week he would bring over a fresh bouquet of flowers. He also brought money to give to my girls for whatever they wanted. Last night we spent a couple hours putting the change and other money my girls had into wrappers. There was at least 100lbs of quarters. I stopped counting the bills and change he crammed into their penny banks. All of the change and bills have been sorted. It will be deposited into their savings accounts tomorrow. They had no idea how much the miniscule amounts of money really grew to be.

Pop never dressed in a suit. He could care less about your opinion, and his main attire was blue Dickie pants, a white t shirt, and a blue Dickie jacket. We should have buried him in those clothes, but that was beyond my control.

It hurts to drive down my driveway. I can see Pop's house. His wife is now in a nursing home that she was promised to never inhabit. The lights are off, and the gates are closed. Even as I type this, his death doesn't feel real. My wife's dog sits on the porch and barks every night, waiting for Pop to turn his back porch lights on. I catch myself looking to see his silhouette at one of the windows as I idle down the drive in my loud car.

Speaking of dogs, I used to own a Shepherd. That dog was the meanest animal I had ever met. My daughter could pull his ears, lay on him, and generally abuse him. The dog obeyed my wife and I out of a ladder of dominance. That Shepherd guarded my house with every ounce of his being. No one was going to mess with my daughter. I found one of my deacons sitting on the hood of his truck one day. He stopped by to visit, and the dog jumped the back fence when he stepped on the porch. The hood of his truck was the quickest point of safety. This dog had a serious complex, and to be honest, he was dangerous. Pop never had an issue though. He would get out of his car, walk to the dog, talk to him, pet him, and all was good. I eventually had to give that dog to Pop. The Shepherd would jump the fence and run to the church I pastored. The problem is that the dog was protecting my daughter. He would stand at the door and not let anyone in the building.

In Pop's early days in the Army he would walk to the base. It was 18 miles one way. When he could drive, he picked up strangers. He fed everyone also. If a car was broke down on the highway, he made sure it was taken to his place and moved off of the road.

I could go on and on for hours. I haven't even scratched the surface of the memories I have. I just wish I could be half the man Pop was. This man lived life and set a legacy to be chased.

My wife's grandfather didn't know anything at all about being selfish. He had a servant's heart. He was a true gentleman, and a man I will always admire.

I'm actually sitting outside on my porch now. If he was alive, he would notice the light and come to check on things. Then he would tell me to take my sick butt to bed and rest. I halfway expect him to come strolling through the woods. I know it can't happen, but I can picture it.

Feel free to post your own stories.


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RDJ

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My dad wrote an 80 page life history that all the kids have a copy of. I have a history of my grandmother, grandfather, and mom as well as a couple of others. one of my projects when I retire is to put it all together into a self published book and a copy will be sent to the library of congress. what is wrote is not nearly all. because of the nature of his work (most of his career was spent in intel of one sort or another) there is a ton that is not in there. I know more details of the last 30 years of his career because he and I worked at the same place. I may try to get some of the details in the book because they are VERY interesting.
 

CompOrange04GT

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Both my grandpas worked til they died. Don’t think either made it 70

I think the one was a handyman. Grandma is still alive and worked at GM I think .. one did electrical... this one got cheated on when I was 14 or so, and I don’t think he ever knew

Dad paints lines on the road, mom is about to go through divorce 6 or 7 ( lost count and nobody in the family really knows )

Hurray legacy
 

Revvv

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Both my grandpas worked til they died. Don’t think either made it 70

I think the one was a handyman. Grandma is still alive and worked at GM I think .. one did electrical... this one got cheated on when I was 14 or so, and I don’t think he ever knew

Dad paints lines on the road, mom is about to go through divorce 6 or 7 ( lost count and nobody in the family really knows )

Hurray legacy
Everyone has a past. You can learn from the past, but you can't live in it. You are a new generation. You do not have to follow the footsteps of those before you. Your legacy is not defined by your parents or grandparents.

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Coiled03

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I barely knew any of my grandparents. They all died before I had a chance to really get to know them. I do know my grandfather on my mom's side was a great man. He lived through the Great Depression, and never had anything but kind words for anyone he met. He was also the meanest pool player I ever knew. He's the man that taught me how to run a hustle at the pool hall lol. I made a fair amount of money at that in my younger days.

If you'll forgive the indulgence of speaking about someone still alive.....

My dad has probably left, and is still leaving, the greatest legacy in my family. Grew up with nothing on the outskirts of Cincinnati. Spent his high school years getting terrible grades, and building and modding cars, which is probably where I got my love of cars. Eventually worked his way to a PhD from Cornell, a multiple time Engineering Professor of the Year at the University of Illinois, and a successful entrepreneur. He was successful enough to put both my sister and I through private colleges, and pay off our student loans on our respective graduation days. That was our present for completing college. I didn't ask him to do it. He said he felt it was his responsibility as a father, and I'm forever grateful for it to this day. It's actually something that looms over me, because I don't think I'll be able to do the same for my daughter, though I desperately want to. Anyhow, aside from all that, he's been my greatest teacher, supporter, and life coach. If I could be half the man he is, I'd consider myself fortunate.

Oddly enough, our family legacy - at least our name - ends with me. I have no brothers, and no male heirs. People have asked me if I'm OK with that, or if I feel any pressure to try to have a son. Most days I'm OK with it. Thousands upon thousands of bloodlines have ended before ours, and will end after ours. And in the grand scheme of the universe, we're just specks of dust in the wind. But there are days I wonder what it would be like.
 

98slowbra

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Great story, thanks for sharing.
Legacy? I have no legacy I was adopted when I was 10 days old, my real mother was 16 when she had me and my father was 18. This is all I know about my real parents. My current parents who adopted me, the only thing that sticks out was being told I am very stupid constantly and beat pretty bad until I was 18 and moved out, that is what I remember.
I said I would not walk in my parents foot steps. So I do have 2 daughters that are 19 and 14 right now and love me more then anything, I guess it is because I treat them the exact opposite how I was treated.
Growing up was not very fun when you have 3 sisters that were biological to my adoptive parents that told you sometimes that they wish you were never adopted. I guess my Legacy will start with my girls.
I guess it turns out I was not as stupid as I was told since I have been in IT for 30 years and pretty good at it. You can change your path of life if you just put a little effort into it.
 

Revvv

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Great story, thanks for sharing.
Legacy? I have no legacy I was adopted when I was 10 days old, my real mother was 16 when she had me and my father was 18. This is all I know about my real parents. My current parents who adopted me, the only thing that sticks out was being told I am very stupid constantly and beat pretty bad until I was 18 and moved out, that is what I remember.
I said I would not walk in my parents foot steps. So I do have 2 daughters that are 19 and 14 right now and love me more then anything, I guess it is because I treat them the exact opposite how I was treated.
Growing up was not very fun when you have 3 sisters that were biological to my adoptive parents that told you sometimes that they wish you were never adopted. I guess my Legacy will start with my girls.
I guess it turns out I was not as stupid as I was told since I have been in IT for 30 years and pretty good at it. You can change your path of life if you just put a little effort into it.
You have a legacy. We all have a legacy. The choices you are making are defining your life. Your girls will be successful because of the example you are setting. Don't sell yourself short.



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black4vcobra

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Revvv, He sounds like quite a guy and the world is worse off for having lost him.

All of my grandparents were great people but my dad's dad was especially a shining star. WW2 vet, interned in Sweden for 6 months after his B-24 was shot up. Became a dentist and re-enlisted in the Army after college. It's before you were around here but I posted a thread when he died in October 2013 -

https://www.svtperformance.com/threads/had-to-put-a-great-man-in-the-ground-today.972297/
 
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COOL COBRA

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Revvv, He sounds like quite a guy and the world is worse off for having lost him.

All of my grandparents were great people but my dad's dad was especially a shining star. WW2 vet, interned in Sweden for 6 months after his B-24 was shot up. Became a dentist and re-enlisted in the Army after college. It's before you were around here but I posted a thread when he died in October 2013 -

https://www.svtperformance.com/threads/had-to-put-a-great-man-in-the-ground-today.972297/
I remember that write up you did. Heck of a Man right there.
 

HudsonFalcon

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My grandfather was a WW2 vet and the typical badass patriarch you wanted as a role model when you were growing up.

There was nothing he couldn't fix, no beer he wouldn't drink and no pack of cigarettes he wouldn't smoke.

As I got older and more interested in history I decided to look up his battle history in hopes that he would share some of his experiences.

He was assigned to a AAA gun battalion that landed on Normandy D-Day +20.

One of the entries read that his battalion was strafed and bombed by an enemy fighter in the Bocage.

When I asked my grandfather about it he said with a chuckle:

"Oh yeah, I remember that son of a bitch. He couldn't hit nothin'."

LOL. Typical grandpa and I'm sure typical for a lot of men and women from the greatest generation.

He's buried close to us at The Saratoga National Battlefield. I visit him often.

20190213-135230.jpg
 
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Revvv

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Revvv, He sounds like quite a guy and the world is worse off for having lost him.

All of my grandparents were great people but my dad's dad was especially a shining star. WW2 vet, interned in Sweden for 6 months after his B-24 was shot up. Became a dentist and re-enlisted in the Army after college. It's before you were around here but I posted a thread when he died in October 2013 -

https://www.svtperformance.com/threads/had-to-put-a-great-man-in-the-ground-today.972297/
I look forward to reading this.

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72MachOne99GT

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My mom grew up dirt poor with an alcoholic dad. Her oldest brother went into the Army, and she joined the Air Force. Younger brother and sister stayed in the area and their lives just continue the cycle.

Dad and Mom met. Had me. Finished their service in CA and moved back to ahere my dad was from.

She was a stay at home mom for my younger brother and I. Worked a little once my younger brother was in HS.

She’d definitely say her legacy is her family, especially my 2 boys she knew, (and the one we just had that she never saw).

Lung Cancer at 51 is a shitty way to go. Miss her, and definitely miss seeing my boys interact with her.
 

Revvv

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Revvv, He sounds like quite a guy and the world is worse off for having lost him.

All of my grandparents were great people but my dad's dad was especially a shining star. WW2 vet, interned in Sweden for 6 months after his B-24 was shot up. Became a dentist and re-enlisted in the Army after college. It's before you were around here but I posted a thread when he died in October 2013 -

https://www.svtperformance.com/threads/had-to-put-a-great-man-in-the-ground-today.972297/
Thank you for sharing about your grandfather. These men truly were America's greatest generation.

I never really got to know my mom's father. Like the rest of my family he was a Marine. He lost the hearing in on ear when his ship was hit while fighting in the Korean conflict. I don't know much more about his service though. I only know he was a heavy weight boxer while in the Marines, and he was a Marine Recon.

After serving in the Marines, he worked as a contractor. He was also a songwriter.

He died when I was about 5 years old. He is the only person I know of with suicide as a cause of death that had two gunshot wounds to the head. There are a lot of rumors and speculations, but nothing is confirmed. Before my grandmother passed she told one of my cousins that she killed him to stop the abuse of their children.

A large part of me believes that my grandmother likely pulled the trigger. I do not have a single positive memory of this man. He was the meanest man I have ever met. That is the only thing that stands out in my memory.

My grandfather did teach all of his children to box. Then again, they may have needed that skill to live day to day.

My mom carried on the boxing tradition with me. She taught me the fundamentals of boxing, and as I got older I began kickboxing. My parents supported that hobby until one of my brothers picked a fight with me. I kicked him harder than I realized, and severely bruised one of his kidneys.

That brother followed in the footsteps of the rest of my family. Right out of high school he was standing in the Summer sun on Parris Island.

So what did I learn about my mom's father? I learned that I didn't want to be anything like him.

My father's dad is another story altogether. He really was my friend and buddy. I was lucky to have known him. I'm also glad my wife's grandfather was there for me when my own passed away. I've yet to meet another man as great as my wife's grandfather. I miss that man every single day.

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black4vcobra

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I remember that write up you did. Heck of a Man right there.

I'm glad you remembered, he was quite a guy.

It takes a pretty good thread to stick out in people's minds for over 5 years. Well, unless it's someone doing something especially dumb or there are boobs involved.

Thank you for sharing about your grandfather. These men truly were America's greatest generation.

I never really got to know my mom's father. Like the rest of my family he was a Marine. He lost the hearing in on ear when his ship was hit while fighting in the Korean conflict. I don't know much more about his service though. I only know he was a heavy weight boxer while in the Marines, and he was a Marine Recon.

After serving in the Marines, he worked as a contractor. He was also a songwriter.

He died when I was about 5 years old. He is the only person I know of with suicide as a cause of death that had two gunshot wounds to the head. There are a lot of rumors and speculations, but nothing is confirmed. Before my grandmother passed she told one of my cousins that she killed him to stop the abuse of their children.

A large part of me believes that my grandmother likely pulled the trigger. I do not have a single positive memory of this man. He was the meanest man I have ever met. That is the only thing that stands out in my memory.

My grandfather did teach all of his children to box. Then again, they may have needed that skill to live day to day.

My mom carried on the boxing tradition with me. She taught me the fundamentals of boxing, and as I got older I began kickboxing. My parents supported that hobby until one of my brothers picked a fight with me. I kicked him harder than I realized, and severely bruised one of his kidneys.

That brother followed in the footsteps of the rest of my family. Right out of high school he was standing in the Summer sun on Parris Island.

So what did I learn about my mom's father? I learned that I didn't want to be anything like him.

My father's dad is another story altogether. He really was my friend and buddy. I was lucky to have known him. I'm also glad my wife's grandfather was there for me when my own passed away. I've yet to meet another man as great as my wife's grandfather. I miss that man every single day.

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You are welcome, I will always share his story with anyone who would be interested and cares to listen.

Sorry to hear about that you have bad memories of one of your grandfathers. I bet your mom and her siblings had it pretty rough with him as their father.

The other older male figures in your life sound like fantastic men though.
 

Revvv

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I'm glad you remembered, he was quite a guy.

It takes a pretty good thread to stick out in people's minds for over 5 years. Well, unless it's someone doing something especially dumb or there are boobs involved.



You are welcome, I will always share his story with anyone who would be interested and cares to listen.

Sorry to hear about that you have bad memories of one of your grandfathers. I bet your mom and her siblings had it pretty rough with him as their father.

The other older male figures in your life sound like fantastic men though.
In all honesty, the best male role models I have are found in my father in law, and in his father that recently passed.

A lot of times we place a barrier around ourselves. We set up boundaries and limitations based on early life experiences.

Don't misunderstand me, our early childhood influences can, and do play a big role in who we are, but they cannot force us to become something we do not want to be. The life of your parents, grandparents, etc is not a path set in stone for you. Their mistakes are not your mistakes, and they are not your responsibility. You do not have to go through life reliving and paying for other people's choices.

I did not grow up in the greatest of situations. Both parents were alcoholics, and my dad is still an addict and alcoholic to this day. My mom recently left my dad when she sobered up. She walked away from a 44 year marriage because she could finally see what everyone else saw daily.

I just deleted about 10 paragraphs about my life as a child. I decided to keep those things to myself for a while. What I will say is that things were not about family. That aspect was left out. I never truly knew what family meant until I met the woman that has been my wife for the past 22 years. Her family became my own.

I have made a lot of mistakes in my own life. I have regrets. I look back and see where I failed and where I hurt my little family. It isn't easy to reshape what you have molded over the course of many years, but it can be done.

You are in control of your choices. You are in control of your personal legacy. Let integrity shape your life, and you will see things you have missed.

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bgoose99

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Thank you for sharing your story. I don't often talk about mine, but here goes.

In 2008 my ex-wife and I had our second child. Gage was a happy little guy, but at around 5 or 6 weeks, we could tell something wasn't quite right. We took him to the hospital, where they ran a battery of tests. When they ran out of ideas, we got transferred to Vanderbilt in Nashville, TN.

After many more doctors, and many more tests, we still weren't getting anywhere. Then finally, an ultrasound discovered the key to getting him diagnosed. He had Wolman's disease, which is an extremely rare storage disease. Back then, the Wikipedia page on Wolman's was about 2 paragraphs long. Let me paraphrase: "Kids diagnosed with this disease rarely make it 1 year. There is no treatment."

After scouring medical records, medical journals, etc. the doctors were able to find just a few other cases. But most important to us were the couple of cases that were cured by doing a bone marrow transplant. It was a long shot, but it was our only shot, and we started immediately.

After chemo, Gage received his bone marrow transplant. Our long-term goal was to make it to day 100, post-transplant. If he made it there with his body producing its own white blood cells, his immune system should come back and we would have been able to take him home. We stayed in the immuno-suppression unit at Vanderbilt with him until it was safe enough for us to be transferred to the Ronald McDonald house next to the hospital.

Those few months were incredibly stressful juggling work away from home, and our three year old daughter. But things started looking up, and all his tests were going the right direction. He was making his own white blood cells, and was generally a very happy little dude.

Just a couple of days before day 100, when we were expecting to get to go home for good, he developed an infection in his central line. Because of his compromised immune system, this means the infection spread through his blood and essentially all over his body. After a 10-day stay in the PICU at Vanderbilt, we had to make the decision to take him off of life support. We held him in our arms as he took his last breath.

I'd like to think that this experience has helped to make me a better father.

This July will mark 10 years since he died.

 

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