So you married guys....

Smooth

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cbj5259

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See that’s all about mindset. I don’t go into things thinking I’m gonna fail. I’m gonna own that shit. Ya know?
As we all do...but the reality is that all of us while going into with that attitude, still fail at a 50% rate regardless of our hard work and gumption.

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Zemedici

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As we all do...but the reality is that all of us while going into with that attitude, still fail at a 50% rate regardless of our hard work and gumption.

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I can see that, but would you say 50% get married for the wrong reasons?

OR

50% of people dont understand the sanctity that is marriage?
 

cbj5259

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I can see that, but would you say 50% get married for the wrong reasons?

OR

50% of people dont understand the sanctity that is marriage?
I would say that 100% of humans are flawed. I think everyone goes into marriage with the best of intentions, but humans lie, cheat and are generally selfish. We tend to keep these character flaws in check most of the time, but over the course if a long term relationship they tend to seap through. The problem with marriage is that people change and sometimes the person you wake up next to 5 years into it, is not the person you married. My values at 44 years old are not the same as when I was 24 and in my first marriage.

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Zemedici

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I would say that 100% of humans are flawed. I think everyone goes into marriage with the best of intentions, but humans lie, cheat and are generally selfish. We tend to keep these character flaws in check most of the time, but over the course if a long term relationship they tend to seap through. The problem with marriage is that people change and sometimes the person you wake up next to 5 years into it, is not the person you married. My values at 44 years old are not the same as when I was 24 and in my first marriage.

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I understand that wholeheartedly. That is why, to me, you need to spend a LOT of time getting to know every single bit about your significant other, prior to marriage. It should literally be the last piece of the puzzle. You should live together prior, go on vacations, be together for an EXTENDED period of time (i.e. not 6 months, usually) and put in the WORK to make it successful. I feel that is lost in translation nowadays, that relationships are WORK. And need 150% from both parties at all times. Not 50% one day, 100% the next. It is a full time job.
 

VegasMichael

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You're what's making it a money game. Honestly if I was in your position and raised with your lifestyle I would probably do the same to a degree.

I come from almost nothing and am self made. When I started dating my wife we had been friends for a couple years. I had just quit my job and started my self-employed business. I had also just divorced my 1st wife and had to cash in my 401k to settle with her. A 401k that I had been contributing to for almost 10 years. At one point I had $5 in my checking account and it had to last 2 weeks until a check came in. I had a 2.5 and 4 year old at the time too. That was in 2005. My self-employment survived through the recession and now fast forward to today. I make over 1/4 mil a year and I told my wife to stay home and not work. She hasn't worked in 4 years and is happier than she's ever been. Because we are so close her happiness makes me even happier. We've had some hard times that have tested us but we always come out of it stronger and closer. I can't explain what it feels like to not fear anything but death. With her I know we can do and will survive anything. I honestly don't give a shit about our assets or money. I could live in a damn trailer park with this woman and be just as happy. It's something that I can't explain enough for you to understand. I can only tell you it exists and that it's possible. So maybe one day you can find the same bond with another. Life is short and all I care about is her and my kids. Money and all other material things are just props in this game of life. You get one life...make the most of it.
I know it's possible. I'm glad for you and have seen it work as well.

A buddy I've had since my teens felt like you do about his first wife. Out of NOWHERE after 6 or so years of marriage she comes home and says she wants a divorce, a new house of her own and a six figure settlement. He was shocked and said no to her demands. She lawyered up and he had to as well and it dragged on for months. He eventually got tired of the whole ordeal and settled, and with lawyer fees and her lawyer's demands it ended up costing him more than it would have had he met her initial demands. He had to sell his 10 acre place out in the countryside. He was never the same person after that. He went from happy go lucky and trusting to very reserved and wary of all people. He eventually remarried about 6 years later. I've been dumped out of the blue as well. That keeps me very guarded. People change. I don't want to be a victim of their changes.
 

Smooth

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I know it's possible. I'm glad for you and have seen it work as well.

A buddy I've had since my teens felt like you do about his first wife. Out of NOWHERE after 6 or so years of marriage she comes home and says she wants a divorce, a new house of her own and a six figure settlement. He was shocked and said no to her demands. She lawyered up and he had to as well and it dragged on for months. He eventually got tired of the whole ordeal and settled, and with lawyer fees and her lawyer's demands it ended up costing him more than it would have had he met her initial demands. He had to sell his 10 acre place out in the countryside. He was never the same person after that. He went from happy go lucky and trusting to very reserved and wary of all people. He eventually remarried about 6 years later. I've been dumped out of the blue as well. That keeps me very guarded. People change. I don't want to be a victim of their changes.
Dude, I told you ma story in the strictest confidence!
 

cbj5259

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I understand that wholeheartedly. That is why, to me, you need to spend a LOT of time getting to know every single bit about your significant other, prior to marriage. It should literally be the last piece of the puzzle. You should live together prior, go on vacations, be together for an EXTENDED period of time (i.e. not 6 months, usually) and put in the WORK to make it successful. I feel that is lost in translation nowadays, that relationships are WORK. And need 150% from both parties at all times. Not 50% one day, 100% the next. It is a full time job.
I wish it was that easy. I wish there was a secret formula for marital success. I was with my ex wife for 5 years prior to marriage. We lived together for 4 of them. Were happy as happy could be. We got married...were going to grow old together...and then one day, 7 years into our marriage and after 12 years of being together, having a child together and being generally happy...I'm informed that she had been sleeping with another married man for the past 18 months, loved him and was leaving me for him. Utter gut punch and no warning. My world was turned on its head. It was not a possibility...she was my soulmate I believed...but yet it still happened. I'm left with the fact that people are unreliable...and they lie and cheat. Its human nature. Are there successful marriages that last 50 years? Sure...but they are extremely rare. Even most longterm marriages (ones over 25 years) most people are just tolerating each other...I would not classify them as loving, fulfilling relationships, more like just hanging on because splitting is too difficult. Are there exceptions? Absolutely, but the overwhelming majority are as I described or have already failed. Not to be a pessimist, but the stats support my assertion. Prior to the womens lib movement, women just grinned and bared it. After they found their "liberation" in the late 60s that is when divorce rates skyrocketed and the traditional family unit began eroding. Women file for divorce in nearly 80% of all divorces. Newer statistics suggest that women cheat on their husbands at at least an equal rate to men...and perhaps even higher. Modern women are broken...and feminism is to blame.

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03Sssnake

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I know it's possible. I'm glad for you and have seen it work as well.

A buddy I've had since my teens felt like you do about his first wife. Out of NOWHERE after 6 or so years of marriage she comes home and says she wants a divorce, a new house of her own and a six figure settlement. He was shocked and said no to her demands. She lawyered up and he had to as well and it dragged on for months. He eventually got tired of the whole ordeal and settled, and with lawyer fees and her lawyer's demands it ended up costing him more than it would have had he met her initial demands. He had to sell his 10 acre place out in the countryside. He was never the same person after that. He went from happy go lucky and trusting to very reserved and wary of all people. He eventually remarried about 6 years later. I've been dumped out of the blue as well. That keeps me very guarded. People change. I don't want to be a victim of their changes.

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scott9050

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I didn't really invite religion. It invited me, at age 31. My whole perspective changed.

I met my wife at church, after meeting 18 years' worth of "conquests" elsewhere, mostly bars.

As for the government, well, it is what it is. I have benefited from my marriage. Even financially. No one here will "talk you into" marriage.

You do it because you want to, and you don't do it because you want to.

Damn dude, bar hopping at 13?

#Respect
 

IronSnake

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Reading a lot of the sad stories in here of divorces, I'm reminded of something I learned from others, and have learned from people who have those 30-40-50 year long marriages.

Cheating is never right, never excusable, and never the victims fault. But I'm also the type of person to think if she cheats, you're not giving her what she needed. Whether it be the d, conversation, comfort, love, or whatever. It takes a lot of effort in a marriage to fulfill the other person, and eventually we all want to say "not my problem", but it is. You married him/her. You're supposed to be the main source of passion and love for them. If you fail to do that, idle minds wander. Divorces occur. Feelings are hurt.
 

earico

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Reading a lot of the sad stories in here of divorces, I'm reminded of something I learned from others, and have learned from people who have those 30-40-50 year long marriages.

Cheating is never right, never excusable, and never the victims fault. But I'm also the type of person to think if she cheats, you're not giving her what she needed. Whether it be the d, conversation, comfort, love, or whatever. It takes a lot of effort in a marriage to fulfill the other person, and eventually we all want to say "not my problem", but it is. You married him/her. You're supposed to be the main source of passion and love for them. If you fail to do that, idle minds wander. Divorces occur. Feelings are hurt.

^ This man gets it. You don't keep your flower watered it will find water elsewhere.

That's not to say that a woman still won't wander off because some people are just born to be bad. However most women I have talked to in my life just want a man that puts them on a pedestal and takes care of their emotional needs. I'm told those types of men are very rare by my wife. I guess that's why she'll do anything to make me happy since I take such good care of her.
 

Zemedici

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I know it's possible. I'm glad for you and have seen it work as well.

A buddy I've had since my teens felt like you do about his first wife. Out of NOWHERE after 6 or so years of marriage she comes home and says she wants a divorce, a new house of her own and a six figure settlement. He was shocked and said no to her demands. She lawyered up and he had to as well and it dragged on for months. He eventually got tired of the whole ordeal and settled, and with lawyer fees and her lawyer's demands it ended up costing him more than it would have had he met her initial demands. He had to sell his 10 acre place out in the countryside. He was never the same person after that. He went from happy go lucky and trusting to very reserved and wary of all people. He eventually remarried about 6 years later. I've been dumped out of the blue as well. That keeps me very guarded. People change. I don't want to be a victim of their changes.

This is a chance you take, man. 100%.

But - what if this does NOT happen, and you experience what Earico and I do on a daily basis.

Its a roll of the dice. Same with anything in life.

Could build the car and it make 1000rwhp for 5 years.

Could break a wrist pin, and game over in 2 days.

Its just the cards we are dealt.
 

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