Fathers…
- Thread starter C2tuck
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Harder but fairer and more calculated.
My father is a do as I say not as I do guy so he was hard on me up to the point that it inconvenienced him then he didn’t want to be involved. It was a terrible motivator.
I expect the very best from my son but that means nothing if I don’t give him my absolute best in return. So far he’s responded exceptionally well to that arrangement.
My father is a do as I say not as I do guy so he was hard on me up to the point that it inconvenienced him then he didn’t want to be involved. It was a terrible motivator.
I expect the very best from my son but that means nothing if I don’t give him my absolute best in return. So far he’s responded exceptionally well to that arrangement.
What’s a dad
I wish I had been adopted…
Really had to think on this one. I'm probably harder on my kids than dad was on me. Why? Because I'm more involved in their daily lives. Dad worked a lot, and was on swing swift to boot. So, he wasn't around as much. And when he was, it was grumpy due to lack of sleep and an undiagnosed Graves Disease that went on for 5-6 years. He became a different person once his thyroid was irradiated and he went to meds to replace it.
I've been way more involved in my kid's lives, mainly due to my 7-4 workdays. I helped coach baseball/softball, and we, as a family, did (and still do) a ton of things together as a family. I didn't miss a practice/game or piano recital.
As such, I had high expectations for my kids when they did anything from playing piano, academics, and athletics.
More importantly, I try to communicate with them, especially when I see areas where my "been there/done that" can really benefit them. Thankfully, they are both highly driven individuals so motivation hasn't been something I've had to give them.
I do tend to butt heads a bit with my 22yo son, as he can be a bit headstrong. Doesn't help that he is a mechanical engineer and, thus, knows everything but is short on practical experience LOL.
They are 22 and 20. The 22yo is a year in as a Mechanical Engineer at a local manufacturer and attended the state's best engineering school on a partial scholarship. The 20yo will be starting her junior year (full academic scholarship) and will be applying to dental school. So, I guess we did something halfway right.
I've been way more involved in my kid's lives, mainly due to my 7-4 workdays. I helped coach baseball/softball, and we, as a family, did (and still do) a ton of things together as a family. I didn't miss a practice/game or piano recital.
As such, I had high expectations for my kids when they did anything from playing piano, academics, and athletics.
More importantly, I try to communicate with them, especially when I see areas where my "been there/done that" can really benefit them. Thankfully, they are both highly driven individuals so motivation hasn't been something I've had to give them.
I do tend to butt heads a bit with my 22yo son, as he can be a bit headstrong. Doesn't help that he is a mechanical engineer and, thus, knows everything but is short on practical experience LOL.
They are 22 and 20. The 22yo is a year in as a Mechanical Engineer at a local manufacturer and attended the state's best engineering school on a partial scholarship. The 20yo will be starting her junior year (full academic scholarship) and will be applying to dental school. So, I guess we did something halfway right.
Depends. I think in some ways you are bound to repeat how you were raised. Even if you didn't like it growing up. Sort of ingrained in how you act.
Mine are still relatively young, so, it's not like they are teenagers are super head strong/arguing yet.
I try to be fair, but if they act out of line I'm quick to put an end to it.
Mine are still relatively young, so, it's not like they are teenagers are super head strong/arguing yet.
I try to be fair, but if they act out of line I'm quick to put an end to it.
we need the face palm emoji @SID297
At least as hard on most things and harder on a few things. My job as a father is to teach my kids right from wrong, provide safety and shelter, and build confidence so they can think for themselves, work, earn, and raise a family of their own one day. Sometimes it does mean I say “because I said do” if it keeps them safe.
As we see fit. It's "we" because my wife and I parent as a team.
I thought my dad was pretty tough on us five kids. He started his own business when I was very young and was one of those seven days a week guys.
He came home almost every day for supper and would spend an extra hour or so with us before going back to work.
The big event was our Sunday drive with the whole family in the Chrysler Town and Country (or equivalent) which always ended at a fancy candy store.
The drive seemed hellish with math and spelling questions rapid fired at us kids the whole way (difficulty adjusted to each kid's age and ability). We didn't enjoy it much until we pulled up to the candy place.
All of us could read and do multiplication tables to 12 before we entered school. Honors and at least one degree for every kid followed.
Yeah, I thought he was an ass back then and when my three children came along I did them the favor of being as much like my dad as I could man up to be. Thanks, Dad. RIP.
He came home almost every day for supper and would spend an extra hour or so with us before going back to work.
The big event was our Sunday drive with the whole family in the Chrysler Town and Country (or equivalent) which always ended at a fancy candy store.
The drive seemed hellish with math and spelling questions rapid fired at us kids the whole way (difficulty adjusted to each kid's age and ability). We didn't enjoy it much until we pulled up to the candy place.
All of us could read and do multiplication tables to 12 before we entered school. Honors and at least one degree for every kid followed.
Yeah, I thought he was an ass back then and when my three children came along I did them the favor of being as much like my dad as I could man up to be. Thanks, Dad. RIP.
1000% my experience as well.
Im probably harder on mine than my dad was on us. He was such a fun person to be around -- rarely said No. But you were always on your game with him because you didn't want to disappoint him.
I try to be as much like him as I can, but I definitely fall short.
Biggest thing in our family is the expectation that my kids give 100% effort in their schooling. EVERYTHING else comes second -- sports, dirt bikes, whatever.
Notice I said effort, not perfect scores. I have 2 kids that can score straight A's in their sleep, and 2 that will literally give every ounce of effort they have to achieve a B -- and that is perfectly fine.
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In my opinion I am, even to my baby that just turned 1 but I feel its a part of learning since she is my first. The oldest is a step child so parenting in a household that has structure is a chore and a half. Considering how the other "household" "parents". A good chunk of days I do see the results of that parenting pay off, others I would rather watch paint dry in an all white room honestly.
My old man drove trucks and ran his own trucking company. My mom worked as a tax preparer, as well as an accountant at a meat and seafood place in Denver. Eventually mom became stay at home, so I was mostly parented by her, when Dad was home he was working on equipment or handling drivers problems like a therapist.
I grew up in a blended household 2 brothers from 2 different dads, sister from a different mother. As the youngest I saw my older brothers f around and find out what it was like when they tested my old mans patience, especially the middle one. Same as I saw my sister test my moms patience. I stayed shy, quiet and respected both of their opinions. Granted my oldest brother turned out as great as he did, then the two middle siblings still act like middle siblings even at almost 39 and 40.
I am following this thread to see what I can gain in parenting knowledge especially with step kids
My old man drove trucks and ran his own trucking company. My mom worked as a tax preparer, as well as an accountant at a meat and seafood place in Denver. Eventually mom became stay at home, so I was mostly parented by her, when Dad was home he was working on equipment or handling drivers problems like a therapist.
I grew up in a blended household 2 brothers from 2 different dads, sister from a different mother. As the youngest I saw my older brothers f around and find out what it was like when they tested my old mans patience, especially the middle one. Same as I saw my sister test my moms patience. I stayed shy, quiet and respected both of their opinions. Granted my oldest brother turned out as great as he did, then the two middle siblings still act like middle siblings even at almost 39 and 40.
I am following this thread to see what I can gain in parenting knowledge especially with step kids
Unfortunately, there’s no manual lol.
I made a solemn pledge to myself that I was not going to be v2 of my dad. Then one day, sure enough, my then-mid-teenage son and I were going at it, and something he said stopped me in my tracks. I was my dad, and if I didn't slow my roll, he was going to grow up wishing I were dead for at least a few years.
So for my overall health and his, I simply backed off. We'd raised him right, he wasn't and still isn't interested in intoxicants, but he's flat-out not going to college. I had to take a deep breath, understand that 99.99% of kids turn out just fine, and just back the **** away.
He just turned 20, has a great IT job that he's absulutely slaying, and adusted for inflation he's making more money than I did after graduating with a 4-year degree.
So for my overall health and his, I simply backed off. We'd raised him right, he wasn't and still isn't interested in intoxicants, but he's flat-out not going to college. I had to take a deep breath, understand that 99.99% of kids turn out just fine, and just back the **** away.
He just turned 20, has a great IT job that he's absulutely slaying, and adusted for inflation he's making more money than I did after graduating with a 4-year degree.
The reason this question came to mind was talking with some friends about the differences of how we were raised vs kids today, and watching the youngest walk across the stage last weekend…
I would say that I am hard on the kids when they need it, which is honestly rare. They knew not to cross the line, and where the line was.
Someone else commented on cussing at/around their kids, and I honestly never did. Recently I’ve gotten a little more lax on this as they are all technically adults now.
My dad was an asshole. Think of the “hold the flashlight for your dad” memes, and that was him. The, “what are you stupid?” type response when I grabbed the wrong size socket while trying to help him work on something at 7-8 years old. He made me not want to be around him, and when I had a child of my own, I didn’t want to be anything like him, so I probably let more slide for fear of ending up like him.
They all have a career path, or are headed to college with straight A’s, so I guess I did something right.
I would say that I am hard on the kids when they need it, which is honestly rare. They knew not to cross the line, and where the line was.
Someone else commented on cussing at/around their kids, and I honestly never did. Recently I’ve gotten a little more lax on this as they are all technically adults now.
My dad was an asshole. Think of the “hold the flashlight for your dad” memes, and that was him. The, “what are you stupid?” type response when I grabbed the wrong size socket while trying to help him work on something at 7-8 years old. He made me not want to be around him, and when I had a child of my own, I didn’t want to be anything like him, so I probably let more slide for fear of ending up like him.
They all have a career path, or are headed to college with straight A’s, so I guess I did something right.
My dad was an asshole. He thought of me as slave labor. Unfortunately I didn't see the manipulation until I was older and he was gone. So in short, no, I'm not as hard on my kids as my dad was on me. But then he was the "do as I say, not as I do" type. And god forbid I wasn't the best at whatever I had going on at the time so he could brag to his friends. We got to a point where we couldn't say two words without blowing up. And it became worse when he realized I was independent and pushed back.
I'd like to think I've been fair with my kids. I know I've messed up with them, but I've tried to see it and admit to it and correct it going forward. I have a relationship with them that I honestly didn't know was possible between parents and kids. They're both grown and working on their own paths. They've decided college isn't for them and given the career paths they've chosen I agree. I just help them where I can.
Something my wife always points out is how my son's friends always want to show me what's going on with their cars. When they're over they'll show me whatever new mods they have. If step out to the garage to grab something from the fridge they'll all talk to me. Something that never happened with my dad.
I'd like to think I've been fair with my kids. I know I've messed up with them, but I've tried to see it and admit to it and correct it going forward. I have a relationship with them that I honestly didn't know was possible between parents and kids. They're both grown and working on their own paths. They've decided college isn't for them and given the career paths they've chosen I agree. I just help them where I can.
Something my wife always points out is how my son's friends always want to show me what's going on with their cars. When they're over they'll show me whatever new mods they have. If step out to the garage to grab something from the fridge they'll all talk to me. Something that never happened with my dad.
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