Home
What's new
Latest activity
Authors
Store
Latest reviews
Search products
Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New listings
New products
New profile posts
Latest activity
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
Cart
Cart
Loading…
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Search titles only
By:
Menu
Log in
Register
Navigation
Install the app
Install
More options
Change style
Contact us
Close Menu
Forums
SVTPerformance's Chain of Restaurants
Pics and Videos Buffet
NWS Pics that make you :lol: every time you see them NWS
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="blacknight07607" data-source="post: 13621225" data-attributes="member: 5941"><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>From the mind of Rodney Dangerfield.....</strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used</strong></p><p><strong>me to time an egg.</strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet</strong></p><p><strong>she won't drink from my glass!</strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy</strong></p><p><strong>negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.</strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>A girl phoned me and said, 'Come on over. There's nobody home.'</strong></p><p><strong>I went over. Nobody was home!</strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>A hooker once told me she had a headache.</strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>I went to a massage parlor.. It was self-service. .</strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.</strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>I was making love to this girl and she started crying I said, 'Are you</strong></p><p><strong>going to hate yourself in the morning?' She said, 'No, I hate myself</strong></p><p><strong>now.'</strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger. That's</strong></p><p><strong>when you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head</strong></p><p><strong>comes off.</strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>I knew a girl so ugly... they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders.</strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the</strong></p><p><strong>roaches hang themselves.</strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>I'm so ugly I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for</strong></p><p><strong>mooning.</strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>The other day I came home and a guy was jogging, naked. I asked</strong></p><p><strong>him, 'Why?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'</strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer.</strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>I know I'm not sexy. When I put my underwear on I can hear the</strong></p><p><strong>Fruit-of-the- Loom guys giggling.</strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal.</strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>My wife likes to talk to me during sex; last night she called me from</strong></p><p><strong>a hotel.</strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>My family was so poor that if I hadn't been born a boy, I wouldn't have</strong></p><p><strong>had anything to play with.</strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>It's been a rough day. I got up this morning ... put a shirt on and a</strong></p><p><strong>button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off. </strong></p><p><strong>I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.</strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>I was such an ugly kid! ...When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept</strong></p><p><strong>covering me up.</strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and</strong></p><p><strong>radio.</strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>I was such an ugly baby that my mother never breast fed me. She</strong></p><p><strong>told me that she only liked me as a friend.</strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>I'm so ugly my father carried around a picture of the kid who came</strong></p><p><strong>with his wallet.</strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room and said to</strong></p><p><strong>my father, "I'm sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled</strong></p><p><strong>through anyway."</strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>I'm so ugly my mother had morning sickness...AFTER I was born.</strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my</strong></p><p><strong>finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.</strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, and asked him to help me</strong></p><p><strong>find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He</strong></p><p><strong>said, "I don't know kid. There's so many places they can hide."</strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.</strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>I'm so ugly, I once worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how</strong></p><p><strong>big I'd get.</strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and I</strong></p><p><strong>look in the mirror I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?" He</strong></p><p><strong>said..."Nothing, your eyesight is perfect."</strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills.</strong></p><p><strong>My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.</strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my</strong></p><p><strong>kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.</strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>Some dog I got. We call him Egypt because in every room he leaves</strong></p><p><strong>a pyramid. His favorite bone is in my arm. Last night he went on the</strong></p><p><strong>paper four times - three of those times I was reading it.</strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>One year they wanted to make me a poster boy - for birth control.</strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in the</strong></p><p><strong>electric chair. </strong></p><p> <strong></strong></p><p><strong>I'm so old, I could go tomorrow. As a matter of fact, I hope I do go</strong></p><p><strong>tomorrow... I didn't go today.</strong></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="blacknight07607, post: 13621225, member: 5941"] [B] From the mind of Rodney Dangerfield..... My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg. It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass! Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home. A girl phoned me and said, 'Come on over. There's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home! A hooker once told me she had a headache. I went to a massage parlor.. It was self-service. . If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all. I was making love to this girl and she started crying I said, 'Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?' She said, 'No, I hate myself now.' I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger. That's when you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head comes off. I knew a girl so ugly... they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders. My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves. I'm so ugly I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning. The other day I came home and a guy was jogging, naked. I asked him, 'Why?' He said, 'Because you came home early.' My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer. I know I'm not sexy. When I put my underwear on I can hear the Fruit-of-the- Loom guys giggling. My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal. My wife likes to talk to me during sex; last night she called me from a hotel. My family was so poor that if I hadn't been born a boy, I wouldn't have had anything to play with. It's been a rough day. I got up this morning ... put a shirt on and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom. I was such an ugly kid! ...When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up. I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and radio. I was such an ugly baby that my mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend. I'm so ugly my father carried around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet. When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled through anyway." I'm so ugly my mother had morning sickness...AFTER I was born. I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof. Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said, "I don't know kid. There's so many places they can hide." My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday. I'm so ugly, I once worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I'd get. I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and I look in the mirror I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?" He said..."Nothing, your eyesight is perfect." I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff. Some dog I got. We call him Egypt because in every room he leaves a pyramid. His favorite bone is in my arm. Last night he went on the paper four times - three of those times I was reading it. One year they wanted to make me a poster boy - for birth control. My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in the electric chair. I'm so old, I could go tomorrow. As a matter of fact, I hope I do go tomorrow... I didn't go today.[/B] [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
SVTPerformance's Chain of Restaurants
Pics and Videos Buffet
NWS Pics that make you :lol: every time you see them NWS
Top