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SVTPerformance's Chain of Restaurants
Road Side Pub
Top Four Adult Jokes
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<blockquote data-quote="woodstock93" data-source="post: 13456027" data-attributes="member: 150280"><p><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Fourth Place: </span></span></p><p> </p><p> </p><p><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does,his elbow goes into her breast. </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">They are both quite startled. </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">The man turns to her and says, 'Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me.' </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">She replies, 'If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221.' </span></span></p><p> </p><p> </p><p><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">------------------------------ </span></span></p><p> </p><p> </p><p><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Third Place : </span></span></p><p> </p><p> </p><p><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his wife's arm. </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">The wife turns over and says 'I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.' </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">The husband, rejected, turns over. </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">'Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?' </span></span></p><p> </p><p> </p><p><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">------------------------------ </span></span></p><p> </p><p> </p><p><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Runner Up: </span></span></p><p> </p><p> </p><p><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Bill worked in a pickle factory. </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own. </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">'What's wrong, Bill?' she asked. </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">'Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?' </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">'Oh, Bill, you didn't' she exclaimed. </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">'Yes, I did.' he replied. </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">'My God, Bill, what happened?' </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">'I got fired.' </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">'No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?' </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">'Oh...she got fired too.' </span></span></p><p> </p><p> </p><p><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">------------------------------ </span></span></p><p> </p><p> </p><p><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Winner: </span></span></p><p> </p><p> </p><p><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">A couple had been married for 50 years. </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, 'Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.' </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">'I know,' the old man said.. 'We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago.' </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">'Well,' Granny snickered. 'Let's relive some old times.' </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table. </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">'You know, honey,' the little old lady breathlessly replied, 'My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.' </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">'I wouldn't be surprised,' replied Gramps. 'One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal</span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="woodstock93, post: 13456027, member: 150280"] [COLOR="DeepSkyBlue"][/COLOR][COLOR=black][FONT=Arial]Fourth Place: [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial]A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does,his elbow goes into her breast. [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial]They are both quite startled. [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial]The man turns to her and says, 'Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me.' [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial]She replies, 'If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221.' [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial]------------------------------ [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial]Third Place : [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial]One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his wife's arm. [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial]The wife turns over and says 'I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.' [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial]The husband, rejected, turns over. [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial]A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial]'Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?' [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial]------------------------------ [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial]Runner Up: [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial]Bill worked in a pickle factory. [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial]He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial]He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial]His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own. [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial]One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial]'What's wrong, Bill?' she asked. [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial]'Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?' [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial]'Oh, Bill, you didn't' she exclaimed. [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial]'Yes, I did.' he replied. [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial]'My God, Bill, what happened?' [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial]'I got fired.' [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial]'No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?' [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial]'Oh...she got fired too.' [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial]------------------------------ [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial]Winner: [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial]A couple had been married for 50 years. [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial]They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, 'Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.' [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial]'I know,' the old man said.. 'We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago.' [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial]'Well,' Granny snickered. 'Let's relive some old times.' [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial]Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table. [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial]'You know, honey,' the little old lady breathlessly replied, 'My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.' [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Arial]'I wouldn't be surprised,' replied Gramps. 'One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal[/FONT][/COLOR][COLOR=black][FONT=Comic Sans MS][/FONT][/COLOR] [/QUOTE]
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