POLICE QUOTES
"The handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after
you wear them awhile."
"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
"So, you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can
write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"
"Yes sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it
will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"
"Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that
again or I'll give you another ticket."
"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk
or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?"
"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster
oven."
"No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now
we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."
"Just how big were those two beers?
"In God we trust, all others are suspects."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
New Miranda rights:
You have the right to remain motionless or you may elect to run.
Should you decide to run, I shall direct my K-9 to chase you down to the
ends of the earth. You have the right to have your lawyer run with you.
Should he refuse, a recent Law School graduate will be appointed by the
court to jog along with you. If while running, you suddenly decide to
end the race, beware that my K-9 may or may not understand your intentions,
and may continue his pursuit of you in full stride. You may stop running
at any time, at your own risk.
Good luck. On your mark, get set... GO!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Caught for speeding:
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding
rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.
The guy replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way
without a ticket.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Stuck under a bridge:
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that
reads
"low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him
and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks
around to the truck driver,puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?"
The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of
gas."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
......going to a lecture:
The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and
walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, a policeman stopped
him. "What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?" said the officer.
"I'm going to a lecture." the man said.
"And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?" the cop asked.
"My wife," said the man.
"The handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after
you wear them awhile."
"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
"So, you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can
write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"
"Yes sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it
will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"
"Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that
again or I'll give you another ticket."
"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk
or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?"
"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster
oven."
"No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now
we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."
"Just how big were those two beers?
"In God we trust, all others are suspects."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
New Miranda rights:
You have the right to remain motionless or you may elect to run.
Should you decide to run, I shall direct my K-9 to chase you down to the
ends of the earth. You have the right to have your lawyer run with you.
Should he refuse, a recent Law School graduate will be appointed by the
court to jog along with you. If while running, you suddenly decide to
end the race, beware that my K-9 may or may not understand your intentions,
and may continue his pursuit of you in full stride. You may stop running
at any time, at your own risk.
Good luck. On your mark, get set... GO!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Caught for speeding:
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding
rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.
The guy replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way
without a ticket.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Stuck under a bridge:
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that
reads
"low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him
and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks
around to the truck driver,puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?"
The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of
gas."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
......going to a lecture:
The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and
walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, a policeman stopped
him. "What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?" said the officer.
"I'm going to a lecture." the man said.
"And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?" the cop asked.
"My wife," said the man.
