I told my current girlfriend not to talk shit about my ex wife (no kids involved). Am I sticking up for my ex wife?
A question my GF would like feedback on about our relationship....
- Thread starter Blk91stang
- Start date
No. If it's unnecessary, it's just unwarranted nastiness. It's ugly and can really kill a mood. Nothing like listening to someone talk shit for no reason. Besides that, she used to be your wife. So, you cared deeply for and still have certain understandable feelings for. Your gf should be mindful of that. No need to be shitty.
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Without knowing details of your last relationship, it's hard to say. I don't think it necessarily means you are. I still care about my ex and she is a good woman and I wouldn't want my current or anyone else talking bad about her. Regardless of whether she is an ex, it's still personal and you're going to have residual feelings for them. That is of course unless she is a typical blood sucking ravaging bitch like a lot of women can be. In that case you should not only allow it but join in the fun.
If it didnt work out and the ex wasnt a terrible person, I can understand why your asking her to not talk shit. If she was, I can understand your GFs desire to let you know that she isnt like that. Talking shit is a.. way of doing that.
You two are adults, decided a marriage was no longer viable and ended it.
If you still have contact with your ex and your GF is talking shit, that should be a sign that YOU need to stop talking to said ex. And really, unless theres a financial reason to do so, you shouldnt be talking to the ex.
You two are adults, decided a marriage was no longer viable and ended it.
If you still have contact with your ex and your GF is talking shit, that should be a sign that YOU need to stop talking to said ex. And really, unless theres a financial reason to do so, you shouldnt be talking to the ex.
Without knowing anything about your previous marriage, I'll toss my $0.02.
No, I don't think you're sticking up for your ex-wife. I think you're just being mature about petty shit talk. I look at it from a place of respect. It's someone you care for, or once did anyway, and that should be respected.
How'd she feel if you were talking shit about her past relationships?
No, I don't think you're sticking up for your ex-wife. I think you're just being mature about petty shit talk. I look at it from a place of respect. It's someone you care for, or once did anyway, and that should be respected.
How'd she feel if you were talking shit about her past relationships?
No.
How nasty/how often does she talk shit?
Every day, once in a while?
How nasty/how often does she talk shit?
Every day, once in a while?
Pic of GF.
And ex-wife.
And ex-wife.
Thanks for the replies. The back story is me and my ex wife were together for 10 years total, married for the last 3. Divorce was settled Aug. 2015. We had a rough last final years that ended after a year of counseling (All through 2014) and her maintaining a side relationship with one of her coworkers (I knew about this at the time, it was all laid out in counseling and we were still supposed to try to heal our relationship since she claimed depression. This was part of her healing.) After 6 months she stopped going to counseling as she didn't like how it was going (I kept going) and I slowly went into a depressive mental state in December 2014. That is when I decided divorce was my only option and to go back with her would unfair to myself. We filed together at the court Feb 2015 with not too much conflict. The divorce should have taken 90 days, although a whirlwind of events extended it to 7 months. She held on, I still let go. She took her sweet ass time moving out of my house (I purchased by myself years prior to the marriage) and I needed to get out of the house and meet people. It was a total nightmare and she held on so strongly still she began taking (and abusing 3 times) bipolar/depression pills and never accepting the divorce. The process of getting everything transferred to her and completely split and away from the house was a disaster. She scared a few girls away from me by coming back to the house or getting their phone numbers after gaining access to my phone or email.
The sporatic messages, emails, and phone calls didn't really stop until a few months ago (she went through waves of trying to contact me again) and she never changed her address so her mail still comes here. That's been a slow process too but it's manageable. I have every number and email of hers blocked but there is no guarantee she can't get another and try to contact me. I just block those too if they come in and don't respond. Typically the voice mails in 2016 were "Hey its me, could you give me a call when you get a chance. Thanks".
My feelings... I stopped wanting a relationship with her when I filed. I honestly felt bad for her which is why I put up trying to work it out even if she was depressed and dating someone else. I didn't have the nuts to end it many times and leave her be in life but depression came on strong to me and that's when I knew it was over. My ex wife treated me like total trash looking back on all of it and every once in a while she will come up in a conversation with my current girlfriend, whether it be a short story or question she has. She has mentioned the same with her exes too which I'm okay with. My GF moved into my house early this year. I have gutted and replaced a lot of things in the house before, during, and after she moved in. She sometimes brings up things about my ex such as her style (house decorations and paint colors when we first met) or that she was cheap. What provoked this thread was yesterday she looked up some candle holders online for the house. I laughed and said we probably tossed out that identical set. She said, "weren't they from your wedding? They were probably cheap". Now this isn't the first time she's taken a stab at my ex and I usually brush it off but I apparently got under her skin when I asked why she thinks they were cheap because they were from my wedding or from her? That led to hours of back and forth on this and other events and she believes I'm sticking up for my ex wife while I believe I'm just getting her story straight and true. She is 99% ready to break up with me now after a year of being together over this saying how I am sticking up for her. I simply told her to respect my wishes and #1 Not bring her up anymore and #2 Not trash talk her. If she wants to ask questions about her and learn and speak the truth I'm okay with that. But to make some bold claims with no backing, I don't agree with it and it bothers me that it's not a true statement. She takes this 100% as I still have feelings for her and she is ready to jump ship and move out as she does not understand how I can care that much about her making a a comment about my ex.
Back story on current gf relationship is we had some trouble early on when I was coming out of the dating scene (and not long before a marriage) with girls texting me. The trouble ones were the ones I've known for 10 - 20 years but I did get those to stop last year. I believe this is now all being considered in her decision to want to leave now.
If it matters, I just turned 32 and she is 29.
Thoughts?
The sporatic messages, emails, and phone calls didn't really stop until a few months ago (she went through waves of trying to contact me again) and she never changed her address so her mail still comes here. That's been a slow process too but it's manageable. I have every number and email of hers blocked but there is no guarantee she can't get another and try to contact me. I just block those too if they come in and don't respond. Typically the voice mails in 2016 were "Hey its me, could you give me a call when you get a chance. Thanks".
My feelings... I stopped wanting a relationship with her when I filed. I honestly felt bad for her which is why I put up trying to work it out even if she was depressed and dating someone else. I didn't have the nuts to end it many times and leave her be in life but depression came on strong to me and that's when I knew it was over. My ex wife treated me like total trash looking back on all of it and every once in a while she will come up in a conversation with my current girlfriend, whether it be a short story or question she has. She has mentioned the same with her exes too which I'm okay with. My GF moved into my house early this year. I have gutted and replaced a lot of things in the house before, during, and after she moved in. She sometimes brings up things about my ex such as her style (house decorations and paint colors when we first met) or that she was cheap. What provoked this thread was yesterday she looked up some candle holders online for the house. I laughed and said we probably tossed out that identical set. She said, "weren't they from your wedding? They were probably cheap". Now this isn't the first time she's taken a stab at my ex and I usually brush it off but I apparently got under her skin when I asked why she thinks they were cheap because they were from my wedding or from her? That led to hours of back and forth on this and other events and she believes I'm sticking up for my ex wife while I believe I'm just getting her story straight and true. She is 99% ready to break up with me now after a year of being together over this saying how I am sticking up for her. I simply told her to respect my wishes and #1 Not bring her up anymore and #2 Not trash talk her. If she wants to ask questions about her and learn and speak the truth I'm okay with that. But to make some bold claims with no backing, I don't agree with it and it bothers me that it's not a true statement. She takes this 100% as I still have feelings for her and she is ready to jump ship and move out as she does not understand how I can care that much about her making a a comment about my ex.
Back story on current gf relationship is we had some trouble early on when I was coming out of the dating scene (and not long before a marriage) with girls texting me. The trouble ones were the ones I've known for 10 - 20 years but I did get those to stop last year. I believe this is now all being considered in her decision to want to leave now.
If it matters, I just turned 32 and she is 29.
Thoughts?
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I do not think you are sticking up for your ex. Assuming your gf and your ex never met and your relationships never overlapped, your gf pretty much has no reason to ever bring her up.
This sounds petty but sometimes it's the best way to get your point across. Next time she's acting crazy say something like "that douchebag ex-bf Joe must have really been a piece of shit for you to be so suspicious of me. What did you ever see in him anyway?"
This will probably start a fight but if it gets her to drop the ex issue it may be worth it.
I am inclined to agree with Snake though, sounds like you might want to send this one packing too.
This sounds petty but sometimes it's the best way to get your point across. Next time she's acting crazy say something like "that douchebag ex-bf Joe must have really been a piece of shit for you to be so suspicious of me. What did you ever see in him anyway?"
This will probably start a fight but if it gets her to drop the ex issue it may be worth it.
I am inclined to agree with Snake though, sounds like you might want to send this one packing too.
Time to get the **** outta dodge and start clean somewhere else. You've got enough meat route baggage for ten guys. I've found that the less a woman knows about your past, the better off you will be. You never know how they are going to process that shit and you can end up with this...........
or this............
or this............
A lot of red flags in this one!!! I don't think you're sticking up for your ex, but it does not sound like you are really happy in the current relationship.
Yes you are defending your ex, but not unreasonably so. But I agree wit the above that said the current one should be an ex as well. That kind of insecurity is not needed and will be an emotional drain for as long as you are with her
I personally wouldn't want to deal with that shit and you know she won't stop. When was the last time a chick dropped something?
Yup. People who are petty to really just be petty, aren't the type you want to settle down with.
Find another sammich maker, as your current one is obviously broken.
I went through a similar situation. My ex and I were never married but were together for 9ish years and bought a house. When we broke up she moved out and I stayed.
When we split it was amicable and we're still actually really good friends. The last few girls I dated pulled the same crap that yours currently is and I'd have to defend her and me also. I dropped those ones...
My current one is OK with it and understands that we're just friends. She trusts me and I've given her no reason not to. She'll be moving into my place in the next few months. We'll see how it goes...
When we split it was amicable and we're still actually really good friends. The last few girls I dated pulled the same crap that yours currently is and I'd have to defend her and me also. I dropped those ones...
My current one is OK with it and understands that we're just friends. She trusts me and I've given her no reason not to. She'll be moving into my place in the next few months. We'll see how it goes...
My girlfriend now wife , would do the same and when I sorta stuck up for my ex she would get very mad ! And trust me my ex made yours look like a prize .
I think the new wife/girlfriend acted this way because of her insecurities.
I didn't see it as sticking up for my ex just telling it like it was either way I just stopped doing it, if it made her upset then why continue to stick up for the ex, even though I didn't feel like I was and once again my ex was horrid person. I stuck it out for 8yrs because of my son.
Bottom line is if your happy with your new girlfriend and think it will go somewhere then do what she asks .
My wife now is amazing and my best friend . We have argued maybe 4 times in 5yrs.
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I think the new wife/girlfriend acted this way because of her insecurities.
I didn't see it as sticking up for my ex just telling it like it was either way I just stopped doing it, if it made her upset then why continue to stick up for the ex, even though I didn't feel like I was and once again my ex was horrid person. I stuck it out for 8yrs because of my son.
Bottom line is if your happy with your new girlfriend and think it will go somewhere then do what she asks .
My wife now is amazing and my best friend . We have argued maybe 4 times in 5yrs.
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