That's one way to have divorce papers served to you.
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Controversial...is this wrong?
- Thread starter jpro
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Incorrect. It’s best for us that she works, and for the past 2 years she has been working part time while the kids are at school. I think that is minimally what she should do in the fall, but I would strongly prefer full time. It will give us a huge edge financially.
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I warned you , don't bother sending the PM's. Learn multi-quote also, or I'm resetting post counts.
OP, would you switch places with her? You get up early make the kids lunch and a hot breakfast, clean up, do all the shopping, all the cleaning, all the housework, all the laundry, meet the kids after school with snacks, the make dinner, then do dishes....
I’d rather go to work. However what I just described gives your children the best gift you can give them. Time with their parents. Whether it’s their mom or dad, you(you and your wife) are raising your children, not the school, not the day care. Currently your wife has the best and hardest job in the world! If she does go back to work all your doing is hurting your children. Because what you and your wife can teach them today is so much more valuable than any $100k college degree.
I’d rather go to work. However what I just described gives your children the best gift you can give them. Time with their parents. Whether it’s their mom or dad, you(you and your wife) are raising your children, not the school, not the day care. Currently your wife has the best and hardest job in the world! If she does go back to work all your doing is hurting your children. Because what you and your wife can teach them today is so much more valuable than any $100k college degree.
Bro, you married her, you were charged with the responsibility to take care of her from day zero.
Come on, man.
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Come on, man.
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This post and the majority of the responses is just sad. What you are wanting to do is exactly what's wrong with our society.
You say that you can financially provide for your "family" and have money set aside. You say that you and your "family" have all of you needs covered and can provide some wants. Yet, you are not satisfied. You want more. Why then, did you have children? Are they just another trophy to show off?
I was raised by a stay-at-home mother. My kids had a stay-at-home mother. So, I am biased. Raising kids and taking care of a household is no joke. It's a job that lasts 14-16 hours a day. As for your kids development, it's the most important job your wife could ever have. It is the responsibility of you and your wife to instill your morals/values, to teach them how to behave and act, and to be good role models for them to emulate. Absolutely nothing can replace the nurturing of a mother and this does not end at some determined age. Kids need parents in their lives, especially now. The crap they are being taught in school is ridiculous. Your job as parents is to raise your kids to be productive, well adjusted, self-sufficient adults; with purpose and a sense of well being.
I am coming across a bit harsh, because I don't understand why people want kids, but don't want the responsibility that comes with having them. I just hope that you put your kids first.
Just my opinion.
You say that you can financially provide for your "family" and have money set aside. You say that you and your "family" have all of you needs covered and can provide some wants. Yet, you are not satisfied. You want more. Why then, did you have children? Are they just another trophy to show off?
I was raised by a stay-at-home mother. My kids had a stay-at-home mother. So, I am biased. Raising kids and taking care of a household is no joke. It's a job that lasts 14-16 hours a day. As for your kids development, it's the most important job your wife could ever have. It is the responsibility of you and your wife to instill your morals/values, to teach them how to behave and act, and to be good role models for them to emulate. Absolutely nothing can replace the nurturing of a mother and this does not end at some determined age. Kids need parents in their lives, especially now. The crap they are being taught in school is ridiculous. Your job as parents is to raise your kids to be productive, well adjusted, self-sufficient adults; with purpose and a sense of well being.
I am coming across a bit harsh, because I don't understand why people want kids, but don't want the responsibility that comes with having them. I just hope that you put your kids first.
Just my opinion.
Bro..military tactics?
Have you ever heard of integrity? Yah, its one of the seven army values and also ucmj applicable.
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I'm a numbers guy, so I would just lay out the number for her like someone else said. If you make xx,xxx a year, and we invest at least half that, we can retire 5 years sooner, plus enjoy a nicer vacation every summer in the meantime.
I know a couple with a kid, and one parent's job could easily fund the whole house, very much like what the OP says, bills, fun, retirement, etc. The way they do it to the best of my knowledge is the lesser earning person pays a good chunk of the household bills (non mortgage), plus their car and any fun they have. So let's just pretend that's $1,500 a month in bills, their new car is $450, their insurance is $150....they better be making $2,100 a month after taxes, but I said fun money too, so if she wants a new purse, wants to ring up a $70 bar tab with coworkers, wants to go see her favorite country singer in concerts...that's all on her. The mortgage is paid, retirement is funded, and groceries are in the fridge.
I know a couple with a kid, and one parent's job could easily fund the whole house, very much like what the OP says, bills, fun, retirement, etc. The way they do it to the best of my knowledge is the lesser earning person pays a good chunk of the household bills (non mortgage), plus their car and any fun they have. So let's just pretend that's $1,500 a month in bills, their new car is $450, their insurance is $150....they better be making $2,100 a month after taxes, but I said fun money too, so if she wants a new purse, wants to ring up a $70 bar tab with coworkers, wants to go see her favorite country singer in concerts...that's all on her. The mortgage is paid, retirement is funded, and groceries are in the fridge.
I would love to be in your position. I love my daughter with all my heart but I couldn’t be a stay at home dad. If you bring home the money then I would stress that your wife should be taking care of all household things.
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I’m old school 60 I don’t understand if your making good money to support your family no money worries plus with young children what is wrong with a stay at home mom ? ...Just remember if mama isn’t happy no one is going to be happy
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That's where you're wrong, my friend. Your wife quit her job so that she may raise your children when they were young; you remained employed. Although a turbo-feminist may disagree with me, you and your wife divided up the responsibilities of successfully maintaining a family at that time. Now that your children are at a much more manageable age, the necessities of her constantly watching over them have diminished. Thus, it is no longer necessary for her to work only part-time.
Why should you have to maintain your current lifestyle (one that you likely took on when your wife quit her job) while she gets a staycation? You should not have carry the burden of raising your family by yourself. A successful family dictates that everyone do their part. There shouldn't be any negotiations or rationalizing with her about that. I would demand that my significant other do her part. I've seen this behavior destroy families.
This post is exactly what is wrong with society?!?!?! Dude, get a clue.
I love my kids, they are MY LIFE. I will do anything for them. The whole point here is that the guy (me) who has the weight of the world on his shoulders would like a little help to be a little more comfortable. I raise my kids, present and accounted for. The provider. GFY
Exactly. When the kids were little making the sacrifice was logical and I was 110% on board, but they are not little any more. Hell, they are resilient young people who we are raising right. Having them go to after care at their school for an hour so their dad (who takes care of the entire world for them and their mom) can breath a little easier is logical IMO.
I understand OP's frustration. I, too, make enough money (not rich, don't misunderstand lol) to support our family on my own.
My kids are still young so my wife works as a part time middle school teacher. .. 2 days a week. Pretty sweet gig. She loves it and always talks about quitting completely.
Im like.. yeah, NO. My words to her: "You have an MA level education, have 18 years with the school district, have the ability to make almost $90k if you were full time and you want to quit??? I don't think so".
We actually have plans for her to go back full time once all of the kids are in school so her and I can both go balls deep into retirement accounts with the idea that we both retire at or around 57-58 years old. Retiring at that age wont happen with me trying to do it myself.
The math is simple, really.
EDIT: I should add.. that while my family is fully provided for-- I AM PART OF THE FAMILY. Im not giving up toys just for the sake of being able to say " I sold all my fun shit for my family." If your smart, you can have your cake and eat it too, somewhat.
My kids are still young so my wife works as a part time middle school teacher. .. 2 days a week. Pretty sweet gig. She loves it and always talks about quitting completely.
Im like.. yeah, NO. My words to her: "You have an MA level education, have 18 years with the school district, have the ability to make almost $90k if you were full time and you want to quit??? I don't think so".
We actually have plans for her to go back full time once all of the kids are in school so her and I can both go balls deep into retirement accounts with the idea that we both retire at or around 57-58 years old. Retiring at that age wont happen with me trying to do it myself.
The math is simple, really.
EDIT: I should add.. that while my family is fully provided for-- I AM PART OF THE FAMILY. Im not giving up toys just for the sake of being able to say " I sold all my fun shit for my family." If your smart, you can have your cake and eat it too, somewhat.
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You claim in the title that the topic is controversial. When you receive a solid post that does not support what you want, you get upset. Why not just say that you are pissed/jealous/selfish (or whatever else the issue might be), and that you want a way to convince your wife to get a different job?
I'm not trying to be a jerk. I am stating what I see as obvious. I could be wrong.
At the end of the day, this is your life, and the life of your immediate family. Do what you feel is best. You know your situation. You know where your children are in this stage of their life. You know your wife. All we can do is assume and give input.
I can promise you that a few of the responses in here will find you in misery, and likely divorce court. That would completely wreck any financial gain you have, or expect to receive by trying to force your wife to work.
Your life, your gamble; roll the dice.
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I get it. I just get ticked when someone says that this is what is wrong with society. LOL I put my family first, period. If there is compromise or sacrifice, I'm the one who bears that burden, not my kids or wife. I think that people who do what I do are what is RIGHT with society...putting their loved ones before them.
The controversial part (which was meant tongue and cheek a bit) was to buy a 350 to "tighten" the budget. Of course I wouldn't do that. Still, I think gimmie has a point; if you're taking care of your family, I am a part of that family and should be taken care of as well. Just because I'm married with kids doesn't mean I should give up everything I love, have, or want. I'm a human, after all.
I know where you are coming from with that stance. I think we have all felt that way.
Marriage is a give and take. Oddly, 50% is not required from either spouse. Marriage asks that you both give 100% all of the time. My wife stayed at home for 15 years. She stepped out of her career voluntarily to raise our first child, and time extended with the second. My wife is a career driven person. She sacrificed more than I understand by staying home. There is no way I could ever compete and do her job.
Yes, it was tough for her to jump right back into the work force. Her degrees and previous contacts are what helped her. Right now she is working and happy. However, if she never worked outside of the home again, I would be fine.
I know what I previously wrote could have been taken in an abrasive manner. I'm glad you did not take it that way.
Before venturing into music, I served most of my adult life as a full time pastor. I have had the opportunity to counsel many, many couples. The number one issue is normally finance related.
I also did premarital counseling. Three months was required before I would agree to officiate a wedding. I saw a lot of engagements break apart when reality hit. On the positive side, every marriage I had the privilege of being a part of is still together.
Marriage is no joke, and there are going to be times in which you both feel cheated or neglected. That is when you reload and begin to date again. Remember what it was that brought you together in the first place.
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Well put!
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