Friday Joke!

ssssnake

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Well, back at work. I guess I should get back to my other daily thing....

A man wakes up one morning to find a bear on his roof. So, he looks in the yellow pages, and sure enough, there's an ad for "Bear Removers."

He calls the number, and the bear remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes. The bear remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull.

"What are you going to do," the homeowner asks?

"I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then, I'm going to go up there and knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat. When the bear falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van."

He hands the shotgun to the homeowner.

"What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner.

"If the bear knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog."
 

bosscj

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Hahaha!!! I feel like I've been in several situation like that before!!

Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk
 

Sn95Snake

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This one literally had me LOL, I was trying to read it out loud to my brother and couldn't finish from laughing.
 

ssssnake

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It's here - Friday! Ya'll have a great weekend and don't forget your mother! For Mother's Day, I just want my house cleaned. I figure since they're the ones that dirty it.....


A farmer walked into a bar and saw the local tractor salesman sitting there, head hung low, obviously upset, drowning his sorrows in his beer.

"What's up, John?" asked the farmer. "Gosh Bob, I'll tell you what ... if I don't sell a tractor soon, I'm gonna have to close my shop."

"Now John, things could be worse," said Bob.

"How do you figure?" asked John.

"Well, John - you know my 'ornery cow, Bessie? I went to milk her this morning, and she just kept flicking her tail in my face. So, I grabbed a piece of rope and tied it up to the rafter. Then, the nasty thing went and kicked the bucket away! So, I tied her leg to the wall. Then, she kicked my stool right out from underneath me!

But, I was out of rope. So, I took my belt off and used it to tie her other leg to the other side of the stall. Well, wouldn't you just know it...my damn pants fell down."

"And John, if you can convince my wife that I was in there to MILK that cow, I'll buy a tractor from you.
 

Smooth

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It's here - Friday! Ya'll have a great weekend and don't forget your mother! For Mother's Day, I just want my house cleaned. I figure since they're the ones that dirty it.....


A farmer walked into a bar and saw the local tractor salesman sitting there, head hung low, obviously upset, drowning his sorrows in his beer.

"What's up, John?" asked the farmer. "Gosh Bob, I'll tell you what ... if I don't sell a tractor soon, I'm gonna have to close my shop."

"Now John, things could be worse," said Bob.

"How do you figure?" asked John.

"Well, John - you know my 'ornery cow, Bessie? I went to milk her this morning, and she just kept flicking her tail in my face. So, I grabbed a piece of rope and tied it up to the rafter. Then, the nasty thing went and kicked the bucket away! So, I tied her leg to the wall. Then, she kicked my stool right out from underneath me!

But, I was out of rope. So, I took my belt off and used it to tie her other leg to the other side of the stall. Well, wouldn't you just know it...my damn pants fell down."

"And John, if you can convince my wife that I was in there to MILK that cow, I'll buy a tractor from you.
I laughed. Happy Mother's Day, Mary.
 

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