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SVTPerformance's Chain of Restaurants
Road Side Pub
Married Life - What would you do - Advice
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<blockquote data-quote="9397SVTs" data-source="post: 16113662" data-attributes="member: 143297"><p>Thanks for taking the time to answer.</p><p></p><p>It's good that both of you are committed to the marriage. That alone should alleviate some stress. Given the desire to stay together and work through the problems, couple and individual counseling would be a great idea.</p><p></p><p>Marriage is a lot of work, in that you have to keep your (not you personally) selfishness in check. Even when things are great, you need to protect the marriage and each other from unhealthy outside influences. Even more so when grinding through tough times. We all choose friends based on compatibility, happiness, and the support we get from the relationship. All others, we avoid. While we can't choose our family, as adults, we can choose to be around them, or not. I know you disagree with this, so maybe you can find another way to help your mother that does not require you personally.</p><p></p><p>Your wife's desire/expectation of you to help with her parents is a one way street. This is possibly due to how your mother is based on your description of her. However, it is probably not a good idea for her to be helping her parent/s either. I don't know how much time, money, and personal assistance is being given, not my business, but devoting those to things outside the marriage can be very problematic. It can cause you to limit or stop the efforts you give to each other, the health of the marriage, and personal health.</p><p></p><p>With respect to your drinking, taking action on this could be a win/win situation. You say that you don't need to drink, but you like it. Your wife doesn't like you drinking. Maybe you could find something else to like that doesn't include alcohol. This will show your wife that you respect her opinion/wishes and you might even save money.</p><p></p><p>The main question that really needs the most thought and effort is the one concerning children. Deal breakers are exactly that, absolutes. Maybe by speaking with a counselor and weighing all the pros/cons, you can better decide if this is truly a deal breaker for you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="9397SVTs, post: 16113662, member: 143297"] Thanks for taking the time to answer. It's good that both of you are committed to the marriage. That alone should alleviate some stress. Given the desire to stay together and work through the problems, couple and individual counseling would be a great idea. Marriage is a lot of work, in that you have to keep your (not you personally) selfishness in check. Even when things are great, you need to protect the marriage and each other from unhealthy outside influences. Even more so when grinding through tough times. We all choose friends based on compatibility, happiness, and the support we get from the relationship. All others, we avoid. While we can't choose our family, as adults, we can choose to be around them, or not. I know you disagree with this, so maybe you can find another way to help your mother that does not require you personally. Your wife's desire/expectation of you to help with her parents is a one way street. This is possibly due to how your mother is based on your description of her. However, it is probably not a good idea for her to be helping her parent/s either. I don't know how much time, money, and personal assistance is being given, not my business, but devoting those to things outside the marriage can be very problematic. It can cause you to limit or stop the efforts you give to each other, the health of the marriage, and personal health. With respect to your drinking, taking action on this could be a win/win situation. You say that you don't need to drink, but you like it. Your wife doesn't like you drinking. Maybe you could find something else to like that doesn't include alcohol. This will show your wife that you respect her opinion/wishes and you might even save money. The main question that really needs the most thought and effort is the one concerning children. Deal breakers are exactly that, absolutes. Maybe by speaking with a counselor and weighing all the pros/cons, you can better decide if this is truly a deal breaker for you. [/QUOTE]
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Married Life - What would you do - Advice
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