my stupid neighbors (again)

[GoatDaddy]

I've posted about these guys before, but for those of you who don't know the situation:
There is a big house a few houses down and on the other side of the canal from me which is infested with about 8 twenty-something guys. They somehow got enough of their kind together to rent this house. Anyway, since day one when they moved in about six months ago, they have engaged in complete jackassedness day and night, which has prompted me to write at least one poem about them, as well as contemplate guerilla warfare or selling my house and moving.

So:

Last night we are having a birthday party for my father-in-law at my house, and he came over in his boat, so his boat is tied at my dock. There are about 15 people at the party.
About ten PM or so, I see these guys coming down the canal in a small Boston-Whaler type outboard, towing a larger boat, which is mainly just hull, no cabin, nothing.
These guys get drunk a lot and engage in loud conversations, so one time I overheard them talking about how they were going to take the engine out of the boat, then tow the boat out to sea and sink it.
Well, they get to right before my dock, and just lose control of the towed boat. It starts whipping from side to side in the canal, and there are boats tied up on either side. THe guy who lives across from me recently brought in a 50 foot sailboat with a fresh blue paintjob on the hull.
There is one guy in the towed boat running fore and aft, trying to fend the boat off of the other boats. The guy in the Whaler is jamming it in reverse and forward, trying to keep the tow rope tight.
I hear a crunch as the towed boat hits my neighbor's sailboat, then they get the boat through the gap but it cracks up against my other neighbor's boat, which is on my side of the seawall, then they gun the engine and shoot out to the intercoastal.

This morning I'm cleaning up after the party, and I see a scrape about three feet long on the sailboat. I don't think they hit my father-in-law's boat, but he's going to check it today.

:bash:

 

[ZincDude]

What a bunch of idiots. Some people just should not be on the water. Well I guess you need to go tell your sailboat neighbor. Gee maybe they will be out for Columbus Day and be the drunk idiots that run agound this year.

 

[GoatDaddy]

I'm going to bring my neighbor's attention to the new scratch on his boat, and if he doesn't know how it got there yet (meaning the losers haven't knocked on his door), I'll tell him.

I really think there is some sort of patron saint for idiots who is keeping these guys safe so far.
One of them told me he crashed his jetski into the seawall at 40 mph. He was okay, the ski was out of commission for awhile, which was nice because I didn't have to hear it roaring up and down the canal.

 

[ZincDude]

I bet you can't wait to they move out. When it happens its time for another party!!

 

[FordSVTFan]

Where was the 2 Million Candle Watt Light Benny??

 

[GoatDaddy]

Originally posted by ZincDude
I bet you can't wait to they move out. When it happens its time for another party!!

OMMFG, I can't wait for them to f'ing leave. The house was up for sale/rent for awhile, but it isn't in the greatest shape and the owners wanted too much $ for it. I guess they were desperate and scraping the bottom of the barrel when they found these guys to rent it. It started out as 2 guys in there, then they multiplied like roaches.
Pretty much everyone else here (owners) can't stand these guys, one even called their landlord, who doesn't seem to concerned about it.

When they do leave, I think all the neighbors WILL have a block party.

 

[ssssnake]

Ben, do you have a landowners' association in the subdivision where you live? If so, you and your neighbors should file a complaint. That should get them in line - especially regarding the damage to your neighbor's boat. Good luck.

 

[99cobrablack]

Do you have an explosives permit Ben?? Might be able to take care of your neighbors that way.

 

[hockeypuck_74]

Two words: Scoped rifle.

Two more words: Cinder Blocks.

Add to that: Gunny sack.

The condo next to mine has two guys renting from the owner and they have issues with turning their music down late at night. I've found that by making them watch the first half hour of Saving Private Ryan with me normally convinces them to turn it down.

 

[VetKiller]

I wish....

Originally posted by hockeypuck_74
Two words: Scoped rifle.

Two more words: Cinder Blocks.

Add to that: Gunny sack.

The condo next to mine has two guys renting from the owner and they have issues with turning their music down late at night. I've found that by making them watch the first half hour of Saving Private Ryan with me normally convinces them to turn it down.

I wish there were more people like you in the world.
:beer:

 

[GoatDaddy]

Adam: the spotlight was upstairs next to my bed; I keep it there because it's fun to make shadow animals on the wall.

No homeowner's association to speak of here, although I'd gladly pay dues though.

Because I am by nature an anti-gun pacifist, the scoped-rifle approach is out.

No explosives permit, although I am trained in calling in airstrikes. ANyone got an A10???

I talked to my neighbor though, and the guys hadn't said anything to him yet, and when he checked his boat he found lots of water in the bilge, but it could be unrelated. He knows the guy with the sailboat, so he's going to call him and tell him about the scratch in the paint. we'll see what happens.

 

[lilblond75]

Originally posted by snail50
Adam: the spotlight was upstairs next to my bed; I keep it there because it's fun to make shadow animals on the wall.

No homeowner's association to speak of here, although I'd gladly pay dues though.

Because I am by nature an anti-gun pacifist, the scoped-rifle approach is out.

No explosives permit, although I am trained in calling in airstrikes. ANyone got an A10???

I talked to my neighbor though, and the guys hadn't said anything to him yet, and when he checked his boat he found lots of water in the bilge, but it could be unrelated. He knows the guy with the sailboat, so he's going to call him and tell him about the scratch in the paint. we'll see what happens.

Let us know what happens:beer:


They need a:bash:

 

[FordSVTFan]

Originally posted by snail50
Adam: the spotlight was upstairs next to my bed; I keep it there because it's fun to make shadow animals on the wall.

No homeowner's association to speak of here, although I'd gladly pay dues though.

Because I am by nature an anti-gun pacifist, the scoped-rifle approach is out.

No explosives permit, although I am trained in calling in airstrikes. ANyone got an A10???

I talked to my neighbor though, and the guys hadn't said anything to him yet, and when he checked his boat he found lots of water in the bilge, but it could be unrelated. He knows the guy with the sailboat, so he's going to call him and tell him about the scratch in the paint. we'll see what happens.

Benny, I dont have access to a Warthog, but will a Saratoga or Bonanza do? We can drop "paint balloons" if you like.

 

[ezernut9mm]

:lol: :lol: hee, hee, paint balloons :lol: :lol:

two words- TRAINED DOLPHINS!

 

[hockeypuck_74]

Re: I wish....

Originally posted by VetKiller
I wish there were more people like you in the world.
:beer:

Oh, there are. Most of them are incarcerated, unfortunately.

I am apathetic by nature, but I'm decidedly unfriendly to those whose families should have had their gene pools chlorinated early.

 

[GoatDaddy]

Originally posted by FordSVTFan
Benny, I dont have access to a Warthog, but will a Saratoga or Bonanza do? We can drop "paint balloons" if you like.

I think they would do just fine...could we fit them with a GAU-8 30mm? A couple of MK84's would be nice, but counterproductive because then my house would be gone too.
I'll give you the coordinates and talk you in on a paint balloon pass.

"Cleared Hot, Mo'Fugga." :thumbsup:

 

[GoatDaddy]

Originally posted by ezernut9mm
:lol: :lol: hee, hee, paint balloons :lol: :lol:

two words- TRAINED DOLPHINS!

YEah, I was thinking something like that, but I just gave all my SCUBA gear to my buddy.
And the boat is a Boston Whaler, so it would take some effort to sink it. Burning it at the dock would be nice, but I do not condone arson. If it happened to spontaneously combust, I'd probably run over with some marshmallows and want to sing Kumbaya.

 

[flyn high again]

Hide some dead fish somewhere in the boat. In two separate places in case they find one of them.
Send an anonymous letter from a supposed hottie saying she wants to date the cute one.
Order cable and satellite for them.
Send their phone # and address to every charity you can think of along with $5.
TP their house.
Put their phone number on bathroom walls with "For a good time, call so and so".
Call the gov't and tell them you're not sure, but you think they act like terrorists.
Send a note to one of them supposedly from the other guys asking him to move out because he smells.
Write obscene messages in their grass with round up.
Put smelly garbage around their place and then complain to the town.
More dead fish in their hubcaps.
Install a second line and hook a fax machine up to it and have it call their house every 5 minutes.

 

[GoatDaddy]

you're not suggesting any dirty tricks, are you CLiff??

 

[flyn high again]

Just make it easier for them to leave than to stay. Of course you could go the legal boring way and get all the neighbors to start calling the police and city on every little thing they do until the powers that be come down on the owner. But where's the fun in that? Rent Animal House and Revenge of the Nerds for inspiration.