Need some insight from part time fathers ;)

[BlksvtCobra01]

Wow what a pos. Doesn't even want to be a father. Just wants to make it seem like he does so he doesn't seem like a deadbeat which he obviously is. But yet wants to get a new woman and have more kids. Man the **** up and get a vasectomy you shouldn't be allowed to have more kids.


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[LXZ06]

Long time lurker but felt the need to say something. Even if you are no longer going to post OP, hopefully you see this.

There is no such thing as being a part time father. Even if you do not have 100% custody you are still 100 % a father and your children should be your number 1 priority no matter what.

There is no magic secret to be a good part time dad because it doesnt exhist. Where did you get the info that it has been done before? The fathers themselves? Then they are kidding themselves. The kids? They were being nice.
Both my parents were married before and my father had 3 kids in his first marriage. He did not have custody but did everything in his power to be apart of his kids life. So much so that 2 moved in with him when they turned 18.
If you dont want youre kids to have negative feelings towards you the rest of their lives then there is no other alternative. If not you are kidding yourself.

Best of luck to you and your kids.
(Back to lurking)

 

[2000gt4.6]

I know he's gone but...

You would think this couldn't be real, and maybe it wasn't, but it sure can be.

My mother would fit this kind of bill, although never admit it out loud. Basically decided to dump a .75 and 3 year old on a guy because he was too busy getting his business started to cater to her every whim, a business feeding and clothing her children which eventually gave them both a future. When I was old enough I was shown a legal document that, if you boiled it down, said "give me 16000 dollars or I take the kids" (lol, she screwed up there the way the business went later).

Part time father indeed. And the worst part is, for a long time be will be the hero. The kids will go nuts to see him, and every time the mom disciplines the kids, does something they don't like, etc the kids will instantly compare her to oh so great dad they miss so much.

If she perseveres though, it's a matter of time before the kids get older and see what really went on. And then bye bye "dad".

I haven't talked to "mom" in years, other than 2 funerals, and I really wont mind if the next time I see her is at her own. And while this sounds like I have a big chip, I have actually gotten to the point where I simply have no feelings at ALL toward her. While I have no kids, I can't imagine a worse statement, your child simply not caring about you one way or another.

A "part time" parent is no parent at all. Regardless of custody rights split your either a full time parent or not one at all. What an ass.

 

[03cobra#694]

Long time lurker but felt the need to say something. Even if you are no longer going to post OP, hopefully you see this.

There is no such thing as being a part time father. Even if you do not have 100% custody you are still 100 % a father and your children should be your number 1 priority no matter what.

There is no magic secret to be a good part time dad because it doesnt exhist. Where did you get the info that it has been done before? The fathers themselves? Then they are kidding themselves. The kids? They were being nice.
Both my parents were married before and my father had 3 kids in his first marriage. He did not have custody but did everything in his power to be apart of his kids life. So much so that 2 moved in with him when they turned 18.
If you dont want youre kids to have negative feelings towards you the rest of their lives then there is no other alternative. If not you are kidding yourself.

Best of luck to you and your kids.
(Back to lurking)

Great post, thanks. Now back in hiding. Lol

 

[LXZ06]

Lol, only time I promise.
Now look what i did, doubled my post count in an hr.
Back under rock.

 

[nxhappy]

I think he was trolling. nonetheless he pissed some people off LOL myself included. Oh well. If this story is true, I really hope the kids are OK. They really deserve better parents and a better life.

 

[kirks5oh]

Long time lurker but felt the need to say something. Even if you are no longer going to post OP, hopefully you see this.

There is no such thing as being a part time father. Even if you do not have 100% custody you are still 100 % a father and your children should be your number 1 priority no matter what.

There is no magic secret to be a good part time dad because it doesnt exhist. Where did you get the info that it has been done before? The fathers themselves? Then they are kidding themselves. The kids? They were being nice.
Both my parents were married before and my father had 3 kids in his first marriage. He did not have custody but did everything in his power to be apart of his kids life. So much so that 2 moved in with him when they turned 18.
If you dont want youre kids to have negative feelings towards you the rest of their lives then there is no other alternative. If not you are kidding yourself.

Best of luck to you and your kids.
(Back to lurking)

+1000

Smartest thing I ever did was to go for 50/50 as soon as I filed for divorce. You get used to balancing career and kids. So many people do it these days you just have to make it work. Especially in your case if the other half sucks, that's all the more reason for you to be involved as much as you can in the kids' lives. Don't come back with "I don't have the time, or my career is too busy". I was able to balance my extremely busy surgical practice with 50% custody of my 3 kids. I have them for a week at a time, which means on my off week I work a little harder and play a lot harder. That's when I travel, etc.

Whatever custody you get from the start is likely how it's going to be long term in most cases. Sure, there are exceptions, but by and large, the man is usually unsuccessful in getting more custody barring any serious ****ups on her part. You can always choose less custody if you decide being a dad is not for you---but to be truthful, you've already decided, and you should have figured that out before having kids.


Choose anything less than 50/50 and you're not a true father. It's your choice in this situation, as you've put it. You can choose the arrangement, and you're choosing to be in their lives less than 50%. Your kids will end up calling your exes new boyfriend "dad", and when you pick them up, know they will miss him while they're at your house. Have some pride. Parenting has been THE most gratifying accomplishment in my life to this point

And you can find another relationship and be happy. I have, and she has 2 kids that are amazing as well.

 

[cbj5259]

I was so absolutely disgusted reading this thread. The first thing the OP should do is get snipped before he inadvertently brings another child into this world and "starts" another family. Children are not some accessory to adorn yourself with so you can appear to have a family?! As a father who has gone through a divorce and is forced to be a part time dad (not by choice, she has them during the week and I have weekends) I relish every minute I have with my kids and my dream is to have them with me all the time. When you have kids your wants, desires and dreams become secondary to the wants, desires and dreams of your children. They are the sunrise and sunset of everything you do in life. I feel absolutely terrible that the OPs children will have to suffer through life with a selfish bastard as a father. The fact that he feels no guilt or utter despair over not being able to see, love and hug his children everyday speaks to the pathological nature of his personality.

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[Black2010]

so let me get this straight :

you want to travel
you want to start another family
BUT you don't want to be a deadbeat father

I am going to be brutally honest. It sounds like you are selfish mother****er. You can't just walk away from your wife AND the kids. The kids will need you now more than ever. You are in it 100%, even though your wife is crazy. You can't just ****ing travel the world, and leave your kids. Or start a new family immediately after your divorce. Time to man up and face the facts.

Don't feel like reading this thread anymore after the first page. I'll +1000 this.

If your wife was that crazy you SHOULD be fighting for 100% custody and starting your new family with your kids you have now and adding a new spouse.

 

[4stang6]

I too read the OPs comments, and it sounds to me as well as he doesn't want to be there for his children.

2 THINGS MAN....

1. IF YOU DONT WANT TO BE THERE IN YOUR KIDS LIFE BUT LIKE 3 DAYS A MONTH, GO FLY A ****ING KITE, THEY NEED A FATHER IN THEIR LIVES, AND YOU MOST DEFINITELY DONT FIT THAT TITLE.MORE A KID THAN ANYTHING! THOSE KIDS DESERVE A FATHER, AND I HOPE 1 DAY ANOTHER MAN COMES INTO THEIR LIVES AND DOES WHAT YOU CAN'T, OR WHAT YOU DONT WANT TO DO.

2. FOR SOMEONE WHO HAS BEEN HAVING CONCEIVING ISSUES(MYSELF) FOR THE PAST 4 YRS WITH LITTLE TO NO HOPE WITH MY WIFE, YOU SHOULD BE ****ING LUCKY YOU HAVE KIDS.THE TYPE OF PERSON YOU APPEAR TO BE, REALLY PISSES ME OFF, INCLUDING OTHERS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD WHO ALSO CANT CONCEIVE.
I HOPE YOU DECIDE TO MAN THE **** UP AND CHERISH WHAT GOD BLESSED YOU WITH.

I CONSIDER YOU LUCKY, YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF UNLUCKY IT SEEMS LIKE....

 

[Russo]

im married to a woman that had three boys from her previous marriage.. even the biological father (who is a pedophile and 2x domestic violence felon) gets to see the boys 4 days a month... he does take them on holidays and extended breaks from school, but i wouldn't care if he just went away altogether.. if your kids ever get a step dad, i hope they get one who considers them his own..

 

[josephcostello]

Seems like maybe she's played you in the past and now has come back to you at the end, if this is something you are priding yourself on to manipulate the situation for your best interest then you need to grow up. If she has kids, you need to think about the best way you can provide for them. Then you think about the best way to provide to her. Then you can think about yourself.

 

[Equalbracket]

I've deduced part time father to full time piece of shit. Do the world a favor and don't have another child while you're still a child.

 

[Sonic605hp]

None of us have any grounds to judge (especially me) anyone but my opinion would be to not distance yourself from your children the way you're talking about. The ramifications down the road will be bad. I've gone through a lot of therapy in the last 7 months and most of the bad behaviors and habits people develop are a result of their interaction with parents. Good luck on your journey.