I don't often post original threads, but I thought it might be useful to others. It's very personal, but here it goes.
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It's sometimes funny how things coalesce. By the way, if you are a smoker, please consider stopping. Now. I'm still smoking, because I am an idiot, but that needn't apply to you.
Here's what's happened in the last 10 days, with a little background.
My wife and I are the local kids. I am speaking of my parents, who have treated my wife as a daughter for over 30 years. My sisters live in Milan, Italy and Atlanta, Georgia, so neither are close. We live only 15 miles from my parents. We talk every day, and have dinner together once a week.
Mom has had a chronic cough that wouldn't clear for around 60 days. Both my wife and I have commented on this, and were reassured that "the doctor" said nothing was wrong. She's smoked on and off for around 50 years btw, and now 79 years old.
Panic time starts pretty soon.
We were out with neighbors across the street last Saturday, 03-Feb and having a great time. When we returned home though, we had a message on the answering machine from my Dad. Don't know why he didn't call either of our mobile numbers, but the gist was that he had taken Mom to the ER for difficulty in breathing. She was admitted, they ran CT scans, started IV; basically the whole works. She was moved from the ER to a progressive care floor that night. There is a history of cancer in the family, so you might be able to guess the next part.
The scans revealed a probable tumor, with almost complete obstruction of the left upper brachial tube, which meant that the left lung was out of play. They also showed a mass in the liver that didn't belong. A biopsy indicated that the growth in her lung was small cell lung cancer (SCLC). The metastasis means that we're immediately dealing with stage IV cancer. SCLC is generally terminal in any event, but the stage IV diagnosis meant we had caught this far later than we would have liked. As if you can ever like catching a diagnosis like this. Insert sarcasm here.
A long story short, Mom's now in palliative hospice care, and won't ever leave the hospital. All of the family is here now. It's almost overwhelming. She will likely die in the next 72 hours. Bear in mind that we were laughing together on the phone just over a week ago on 01-Feb. This is too fast.
What I've now realized is that I am about to lose my best friend. Our relationship hasn't always been cordial, as I was a true shit growing up. She forgave though (never forgot, LOL) and has been probably a better Mom to my wife than her own ever was.
I love talking with her. I love to hear her laugh. I love to see her smile. I love hearing her funny daily stories, and sharing ours with her. I realize now that all of these things are about to end.
This has all happened in the space of a week. I am trying to be strong for the sake of my family, but I am finding that I'm definitely not as strong as I wished I were. I find myself crying spontaneously, and without any real control. There is the story of the donkey and the show horse. Show horses are fairly high strung and anxious by nature. It's common practice to place a donkey in the pen with a show horse, because for whatever reason, the donkey's presence calms the horse. I always thought I was the donkey. Turns out I'm just another show horse like everybody else.
The take away here, aside from dropping tobacco, is to never take anyone for granted. While I don't feel we ever did, I'd still have done some things differently.
Please take a moment to hug the people you love. You never know when things might change.
Going to the hospital in a few minutes. Things are looking somewhat more grim than they were earlier today.
____________________
It's sometimes funny how things coalesce. By the way, if you are a smoker, please consider stopping. Now. I'm still smoking, because I am an idiot, but that needn't apply to you.
Here's what's happened in the last 10 days, with a little background.
My wife and I are the local kids. I am speaking of my parents, who have treated my wife as a daughter for over 30 years. My sisters live in Milan, Italy and Atlanta, Georgia, so neither are close. We live only 15 miles from my parents. We talk every day, and have dinner together once a week.
Mom has had a chronic cough that wouldn't clear for around 60 days. Both my wife and I have commented on this, and were reassured that "the doctor" said nothing was wrong. She's smoked on and off for around 50 years btw, and now 79 years old.
Panic time starts pretty soon.
We were out with neighbors across the street last Saturday, 03-Feb and having a great time. When we returned home though, we had a message on the answering machine from my Dad. Don't know why he didn't call either of our mobile numbers, but the gist was that he had taken Mom to the ER for difficulty in breathing. She was admitted, they ran CT scans, started IV; basically the whole works. She was moved from the ER to a progressive care floor that night. There is a history of cancer in the family, so you might be able to guess the next part.
The scans revealed a probable tumor, with almost complete obstruction of the left upper brachial tube, which meant that the left lung was out of play. They also showed a mass in the liver that didn't belong. A biopsy indicated that the growth in her lung was small cell lung cancer (SCLC). The metastasis means that we're immediately dealing with stage IV cancer. SCLC is generally terminal in any event, but the stage IV diagnosis meant we had caught this far later than we would have liked. As if you can ever like catching a diagnosis like this. Insert sarcasm here.
A long story short, Mom's now in palliative hospice care, and won't ever leave the hospital. All of the family is here now. It's almost overwhelming. She will likely die in the next 72 hours. Bear in mind that we were laughing together on the phone just over a week ago on 01-Feb. This is too fast.
What I've now realized is that I am about to lose my best friend. Our relationship hasn't always been cordial, as I was a true shit growing up. She forgave though (never forgot, LOL) and has been probably a better Mom to my wife than her own ever was.
I love talking with her. I love to hear her laugh. I love to see her smile. I love hearing her funny daily stories, and sharing ours with her. I realize now that all of these things are about to end.
This has all happened in the space of a week. I am trying to be strong for the sake of my family, but I am finding that I'm definitely not as strong as I wished I were. I find myself crying spontaneously, and without any real control. There is the story of the donkey and the show horse. Show horses are fairly high strung and anxious by nature. It's common practice to place a donkey in the pen with a show horse, because for whatever reason, the donkey's presence calms the horse. I always thought I was the donkey. Turns out I'm just another show horse like everybody else.
The take away here, aside from dropping tobacco, is to never take anyone for granted. While I don't feel we ever did, I'd still have done some things differently.
Please take a moment to hug the people you love. You never know when things might change.
Going to the hospital in a few minutes. Things are looking somewhat more grim than they were earlier today.
