Someone borrowed grandma's car, now cylinders are full of oil to the top!

[Regulars520]

At this point I would check the flex capacitor and see if it is getting 1.21 jigawatts of power.

 

[RedRocketMike]

So I went out to check the dipstick and it wasn't water or milky oil. It just looked like used oil. Is there ALWAYS water in the oil when a head gasket goes bad or not? I thought that there wouldn't necessarily be water in the oil and that that's just one of the possibilities.

Not usually. In my experience the majority of head gasket failures work the other way, they send compression from a cylinder into the cooling system. The result is a grey film in the cooling system and pressure.