Blended Family Parenting Advice

[13COBRA]

OP is a ******.

My wife and I have four kids together. Nine, seven, 3 and 1.5 years old.

The nine and seven year old are hers from a previous marriage.
The three year old is mine from a previous marriage.
The youngest, is ours together.

The older two are great. I love them just like they're my own and rarely have any issues with them. The three year old is a hellion. He is incredibly hateful towards our youngest.

I grew up with two younger brothers, so I know there is always wrestling or arguing going on; but he's different than that. He's constantly acting out and causing issues. On top of this, he's incredibly sensitive (read as: cries over anything).

I'm the exact opposite of that, so naturally it drives me absolutely insane.

What the heck do I do?

 

[Weather Man]

Even voice, patience, relentless steady consistent discipline with no anger. It will take time, worth it. Good luck Nick. I know being in your job can pretty much exhaust the patience bucket, switch the reserve tank on when you get home, 5 is a lot of parenting.

 

[ford fanatic]

Been there, done that.

Remember that this situation is tougher on the kids than anyone else. Kids acting out is their only recourse. Good luck...

 

[Adower]

OP is a ******.

My wife and I have four kids together. Nine, seven, 3 and 1.5 years old.

The nine and seven year old are hers from a previous marriage.
The three year old is mine from a previous marriage.
The youngest, is ours together.

The older two are great. I love them just like they're my own and rarely have any issues with them. The three year old is a hellion. He is incredibly hateful towards our youngest.

I grew up with two younger brothers, so I know there is always wrestling or arguing going on; but he's different than that. He's constantly acting out and causing issues. On top of this, he's incredibly sensitive (read as: cries over anything).

I'm the exact opposite of that, so naturally it drives me absolutely insane.

What the heck do I do?

I think kids pick up things that we think they may not. Your 3yr old is essentially the odd one out of the bunch. Try to spend some more 1:1 time with him (you and him leaving the house) and see if that helps. The guy is 3 years old, I don't think you can call him overly sensitive. He just cant express what he wants to so he resorts to crying.

 

[13COBRA]

Even voice, patience, relentless steady consistent discipline with no anger. It will take time, worth it. Good luck Nick. I know being in your job can pretty much exhaust the patience bucket, switch the reserve tank on when you get home, 5 is a lot of parenting.

Luckily, just 4 lol But I agree. It's tough.

But the harder part is knowing that my wife has to deal with it while I'm not there.

Been there, done that.

Remember that this situation is tougher on the kids than anyone else. Kids acting out is their only recourse. Good luck...

It's a challenge. At his mom's house, he's the only child so he can do as he pleases. He spends a ton of time with his grandparents and they're enablers of all sorts of bad behaviors as well.

I think kids pick up things that we think they may not. Your 3yr old is essentially the odd one out of the bunch. Try to spend some more 1:1 time with him (you and him leaving the house) and see if that helps.

I'm not sure how helpful that would be to my other three kids.

 

[Adower]

Luckily, just 4 lol But I agree. It's tough.

But the harder part is knowing that my wife has to deal with it while I'm not there.



It's a challenge. At his mom's house, he's the only child so he can do as he pleases. He spends a ton of time with his grandparents and they're enablers of all sorts of bad behaviors as well.



I'm not sure how helpful that would be to my other three kids.

Your 7 & 9 year old essentially have each other, they've grown up together. I bet if you pull your 7 & 9 year old aside and let them know you're going to spend a little time with your 3 year old because he is acting out I highly doubt that they're going to freak out.

 

[ford fanatic]

It's a challenge. At his mom's house, he's the only child so he can do as he pleases. He spends a ton of time with his grandparents and they're enablers of all sorts of bad behaviors as well.

That explains a lot.

 

[13COBRA]

Your 7 & 9 year old essentially have each other, they've grown up together. I highly doubt that they're going to freak out that you take the 3 yr old out a couple times a week and spend an hour of 1:1 time with him.

We've tried it in the past, and I literally just don't have the time to be able to do 1:1 with all of them.

Maybe it's on me to figure out how to make time.

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[Adower]

We've tried it in the past, and I literally just don't have the time to be able to do 1:1 with all of them.

Maybe it's on me to figure out how to make time.

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Sounds like an internal decision you have to make. Job or Family. Best of luck.

My daughter is in pre-k and has a classmate who she is really close with. They do everything together in class. Her parents are both surgeons and work long hours like you do+have a nanny. Numerous times I've taken their kid to do a play date at the local park. At one of the play dates the other kid was acting really really sad and when I asked her whats wrong she told me she, "wished her dad play with her more and take her to the park".

 

[KingBlack]

OP is a ******.

My wife and I have four kids together. Nine, seven, 3 and 1.5 years old.

OP is NOT gay thats for damn sure

 

[Blk04L]

I have a 3 year old and a 11 month old.

There is some jealously issues with toys and parental attention. Nothing "violent" yet but I think it also has to do with that he's 3 and doesn't know his strength and how weak a 11month is. One moment they are playing fine together and the next he pushed his brother cause he touched a toy the 3 year old forgot about until he saw the 11m old touch it.

IMO it's phase quite a few other families we know with kids that age go through. Doesn't help that at times the 3 year old is split custody and can play by himself/all the attention to mommy and then goes to your place and the attention is clearly divided.

At 3, they develop more emotions but the processing/controlling part is not all there yet. My 3 year old is the same with with sensitivity recently.
Every kid is different on how to console them/appropriate way to teach them what's right and wrong.

Is there issues between them all the time or is it when they are playing with toys?

 

[Russo]

im a step dad of four, and adopted dad of one.. i can say, from my experience, is that your 3 year old is manipulating the adults in it's life to get something it cannot.. as it gets older it may be able to articulate in words, what it needs.. until then, it is your job (and the biological mother) to figure out what that lack is..

 

[13COBRA]

Sounds like an internal decision you have to make. Job or Family. Best of luck.

My daughter is in pre-k and has a classmate who she is really close with. They do everything together in class. Her parents are both surgeons and work long hours like you do+have a nanny. Numerous times I've taken their kid to do a play date at the local park. At one of the play dates the other kid was acting really really sad and when I asked her whats wrong she told me she, "wished her dad play with her more and take her to the park".

Thanks, dickhead lol

I have a 3 year old and a 11 month old.

There is some jealously issues with toys and parental attention. Nothing "violent" yet but I think it also has to do with that he's 3 and doesn't know his strength and how weak a 11month is. One moment they are playing fine together and the next he pushed his brother cause he touched a toy the 3 year old forgot about until he saw the 11m old touch it.

IMO it's phase quite a few other families we know with kids that age go through. Doesn't help that at times the 3 year old is split custody and can play by himself/all the attention to mommy and then goes to your place and the attention is clearly divided.

At 3, they develop more emotions but the processing/controlling part is not all there yet. My 3 year old is the same with with sensitivity recently.
Every kid is different on how to console them/appropriate way to teach them what's right and wrong.

Is there issues between them all the time or is it when they are playing with toys?

Definitely more so with toys. The situation up described is every day life.

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[venmos1]

I have a 4.5yo girl, 3yo son and 5 month old son. I share the same things with you and others with my 3 year old. my 3yo is extremely loving to our 5 month old. i will echo the not knowing his own strength. he has no idea what his actions will result in. We are currently going through a phase with him (the 3 yo) where he will cry and scream. want to be picked up all the time. doesnt want to walk, put clothes on, etc. its extemely random. we (wife and I) try to hold him accountable to a point. he can do these things, he just chooses not to. and the screaming......man oh man. My wife texted me this morning that he was hitting her amidst one of his crying meltdowns. this is the first time he has done any sort of hitting. We do notice that certain events can effect his behavior (like mentioned above). once in a while he will sleep over at our friends house (she watches our baby and the other kids when needed). When he is over there he gets everything he wants. They have 14 and 15 yo daughters who love him and kinda baby him so to speak. then when he comes back home we can see a different behavior. His relationship with his sister is hit or miss. sometimes they play great together, other times they fight.

There are times my wife and i are at a loss left wondering wtf we can do. is it a phase? is it something else. We do notice (like mentioned above) the need for children to have one on one time. they need attention. good attention. It is easy to get caught up in the moment and get mad or frustrated. but they need love. they need support and they really need help communicating how they feel. its not easy for them. One minute they can be mad and seem distant, then the next thing you see is them telling you they love you every 3 minutes. Its a roller coaster ride thats for sure.

 

[velocicaur]

What about a child psychologist?

I have no idea what they can do with a three year old but someone that has been one for say 20+ years should definitely have some solid insight that will help you and your wife. Hell, they might even have something that your three year old can do to help - reward system, "hobbies," who knows?

They will probably have some insight on how to handle the situation when going from your house to your ex's house as a single child.

It'll cost a few hundred bucks but I don't see any negatives to this as the potential gains are huge for your whole family. The worst thing that can happen is losing a few hours of your time.

Random thought - I have no kids.

 

[13COBRA]

What about a child psychologist?

I have no idea what they can do with a three year old but someone that has been one for say 20+ years should definitely have some solid insight that will help you and your wife. Hell, they might even have something that your three year old can do to help - reward system, "hobbies," who knows?

They will probably have some insight on how to handle the situation when going from your house to your ex's house as a single child.

It'll cost a few hundred bucks but I don't see any negatives to this as the potential gains are huge for your whole family. The worst thing that can happen is losing a few hours of your time.

Random thought - I have no kids.

I've considered that as well! Thanks

 

[MG0h3]

Age 3 and four is tough. My GFs parents don’t even want to watch her 4yr old.

Probably just a phase.

I’d be careful with any “Dr”. They label them which not only can effect the kid and parents, but his life going forward for years.


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[13COBRA]

Age 3 and four is tough. My GFs parents don’t even want to watch her 4yr old.

Probably just a phase.

I’d be careful with any “Dr”. They label them which not only can effect the kid and parents, but his life going forward for years.


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I agree with that too. I think until they're older, they wouldn't ever be able to understand.

 

[ZYBORG]

Punish with impunity!

kidding.... hard to say since every kid is different and what works on one does not necessarily work on another.

My kid is literally a honey badger... LITERALLY. It can get very tough...

With that said, I’ll echo the be VERY careful with Psychologists... Often times they are looking to ratify their field of occupation by giving out diagnoses like candy, while prescribing medications which does nothing to actually help the kid and may only compound issues.

I fear that the fix may be what you can’t afford, which is TIME ... may need to spend a lot of time sharing and engaging with the kid(s). If you actually become a part their “world” they are more likely to respect you and listen to you.

 

[Adower]

Thanks, dickhead lol Definitely more so with toys. The situation up described is every day life.

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Hah dude, didn't mean it like that. Just giving you some first hand experience of what I've witnessed.