I appreciate you offering that perspective. I'm confident my wife and I can handle things just fine for our relationship, but the kid part concerns me. Thanks for that.
Commuting with Small Kids at Home?
- Thread starter hb712
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I appreciate you offering that perspective. I'm confident my wife and I can handle things just fine for our relationship, but the kid part concerns me. Thanks for that.
Would you be able to return if it didn't work out with the new job?
I guess I'll be the odd man out - if I were you I would do it. It sounds like it is without question the smartest long-term decision and raising kids is a long game. If doing this sacrifice for a few years will help ensure you are able to provide the best things for them down the road, that's more important.
The most important job in the world is being a dad/mom. If you miss it or a certain percentage because you want more what does that say. Cats in the cradle sort of thing. They want your time not what you can buy them!
Sell the Wife and Kids and find solid used set closer to your job. Jus make sure they werent abused too bad! :-D
No way I'd be able to be away from my kids like that. It'd be a whole family goes or I don't go
Pretty simple to me. If this is something you need to do, then the whole family comes with. You are the breadwinner in the family and if moving is in the best interest of the family, then that's what should happen.
The arrangement you are describing is unsustainable IMO. Unless your wife is the most driven, independent, motivated woman on the planet, there is no way in hell this will work out. Within in a few months she will be sick to death of everything that it takes to care for 2 young children, 4 dogs and a house. You will come home each weekend and have to "catch up" on everything that didn't happen during the week - laundry, cleaning, grocery shopping, house/car maintenance, etc. Weekends will not be relaxing and quality family time will be at a minimum.
I know this because my fiancé gets bent about me going hunting too much in the fall and we don't have kids or a dog and where I go hunting is only 1.5 hours away from where we live.
I know I'm only seeing one side of the situation and career progress is important, but not so much that it compromises your husband/father duties.
The arrangement you are describing is unsustainable IMO. Unless your wife is the most driven, independent, motivated woman on the planet, there is no way in hell this will work out. Within in a few months she will be sick to death of everything that it takes to care for 2 young children, 4 dogs and a house. You will come home each weekend and have to "catch up" on everything that didn't happen during the week - laundry, cleaning, grocery shopping, house/car maintenance, etc. Weekends will not be relaxing and quality family time will be at a minimum.
I know this because my fiancé gets bent about me going hunting too much in the fall and we don't have kids or a dog and where I go hunting is only 1.5 hours away from where we live.
I know I'm only seeing one side of the situation and career progress is important, but not so much that it compromises your husband/father duties.
On your tombstone, just have them put " I wish I would have worked more and spent less time with my children. "
This
A year ago, I would have told you to sacrifice the family bond/lifestyle for the couple years to look at the big picture. However, now with a 5 month old, I'd tell you the exact opposite. I travel maybe 30% for my job but it's been heavy here lately. I was out of town the week before New Years, the week after, this week, and all next week. Every day I'm not able to come home and see my little buddy kills me. I also have a wife who works full-time who has to figure out pickup/dropoff for daycare, get dinner, make him happy, get him to bed, and do it all over. It wears on her and I have a lot of catching up to do once I get home. It'll help since your wife doesn't work, but as to what b4c said above, you're going to be spending Weekends checking off lists and not spending much more quality time with those kids.
Move them with you, or hope a different opportunity comes your way. As long as you're not living in poverty (which I don't think is the case), don't sacrifice your family to try to make some more cash.
Not an easy decision by any means. Godspeed.
Don't do it. There is ZERO guarantee what you do now will open up any doors in 2 years or 5 years. Employers have zero loyalty, so what can be promised today means nothing tomorrow.
The only you thing you have and will ever have for sure is your family. Putting the entirety of all the work with the kids and home on your wife is unacceptable.
The only you thing you have and will ever have for sure is your family. Putting the entirety of all the work with the kids and home on your wife is unacceptable.
yep....move the entire family....if the money is substantial (and the area is not more expensive)
If you are the sole breadwinner for the family and their thriving long term depends on short term sacrifice then its a no brainer, you must do it. Being away sunday night through thursday night for 7 months out of the year for two years isnt shit IMO.
If your wife works too though , then no way, thats too much burden on one person. If she is stay at home, then go for it.
My father commuted from bay area to the central valley every day for 25 years. He was up at 3am and didnt get home until 7-7:30 at night. He was the sole income for most of my childhood, and had to do what he had to do to keep a nice roof over our head and food on the table.
If your wife works too though , then no way, thats too much burden on one person. If she is stay at home, then go for it.
My father commuted from bay area to the central valley every day for 25 years. He was up at 3am and didnt get home until 7-7:30 at night. He was the sole income for most of my childhood, and had to do what he had to do to keep a nice roof over our head and food on the table.
Do you have kids?
If you are having to get an apartment why not move the family with you and rent the house out or lease it until you are able to move back from the job "abroad".
You could drive every day the 3 hour opportunity. Every day would be like a 14 hour day, but at least you could get an hour or 2 in with the family each day.
If the wife says she okay with it, give it a shot. I too require nice shit to be happy with myself.
If the wife says she okay with it, give it a shot. I too require nice shit to be happy with myself.
Nope.
It sounds like you really want this career opportunity or you wouldn't even be considering it enough to post about it here so my question is, is the new addition of your house and the family dogs harder to let go of then your kids being with you? Rhetorical question, obviously not. Try to get your wife on board with moving with you. If that is completely out of the question, then see if your wife is willing to come visit you once every two weeks and stay for coupe days then travel back home with you at the end of the week.
That's what we had to do when I was forced to work 4 1/2 hours away from home for an entire year and had a wife and two kids 3 and 4 years old at the time. Hope this helps
Personally, I couldn't do it. I try my best to live by this motto, "work to live, not live to work". So for those days/months you're away from your family is time that you would be living to work. Everyone's different so if you think this is what's best for your family then you do it. It's your family, not ours. Good luck.
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