Found my father and dont know what to do.

[rmgtc01]

Did he have a black cape and helmet, and say "I am your father". J/k


You should pursue it b/c you will regret it later in life. It is always the "what ifs" that you reflect on. So do what you can form somekind of relationship with him. Try to get out of it what you are looking for. People are only around for so long, and you can't have active relationships with the deceased.

 

[Candace 02 GT]

IMO, any man that hasn't met a son he's known about for 20+ years doesn't deserve to be called "dad." If anything, it sounds like he was a sperm donor. If he hasn't made any effort whatsoever to contact you throughout the years, I think you're better off forgetting about him. Excuses are excuses - if he is avoiding you, and you push the issue, I think you're just setting yourself up to be knocked down.

 

[wals9331]

Ive never been in that situation before so i wouldnt know what to do...keep us posted though on the outcome...

 

[Booyah]

IMO, any man that hasn't met a son he's known about for 20+ years doesn't deserve to be called "dad." If anything, it sounds like he was a sperm donor. If he hasn't made any effort whatsoever to contact you throughout the years, I think you're better off forgetting about him. Excuses are excuses - if he is avoiding you, and you push the issue, I think you're just setting yourself up to be knocked down.

Seek counseling.

 

[Candace 02 GT]

Seek counseling.

Me? Why should I? I have a healthy relationship with both my parents. :loser:

 

[bbp42d]

IMO, any man that hasn't met a son he's known about for 20+ years doesn't deserve to be called "dad." If anything, it sounds like he was a sperm donor. If he hasn't made any effort whatsoever to contact you throughout the years, I think you're better off forgetting about him. Excuses are excuses - if he is avoiding you, and you push the issue, I think you're just setting yourself up to be knocked down.

why? if it was court ordered he has no choice.

 

[PJM99]

Lost my father.......

Parents got divorced when I was 9. He's always been back and forth with my bro and I. Keeps moving around from state to state. Right now he's in NC, I'm in CT. I'm 23 my bro is 30, we're both working and moved on with out lives without his help. I put myself through school and did everything without anyones help really. My mom was the only person that I had and she did a lot for us. In the end, the three of us, mom, bro and I had to work hard just to get where we are.

He's tried coming back into my life but he just lets me down all the time. Finally had it out with him last year and we stopped talking. I got tired of all his BS and he's not man enought to face the mistakes he made and wont let go of the past. He now blames my bro and I for his problems.

My stand on the whole situation is that the past is in the past and at this point all we can do is start fresh. He doesn't see it that way. He continues to make excuses and pass the blame on to us for the things he used to do to us. Right now I'm at a point in my life where I do not need this aggrevation. So I left it in his hands. Lets start fresh or we all go our own way. He chose to go his own way and it's fine by me. As far as I'm concearned it's another chapter in my life that is finished.

 

[Booyah]

why? if it was court ordered he has no choice.

Exactly, there are always three sides to the story, two interpretations and the truth. A lot of anger in that post.

 

[Chris_H]

IMO, any man that hasn't met a son he's known about for 20+ years doesn't deserve to be called "dad." If anything, it sounds like he was a sperm donor. If he hasn't made any effort whatsoever to contact you throughout the years, I think you're better off forgetting about him. Excuses are excuses - if he is avoiding you, and you push the issue, I think you're just setting yourself up to be knocked down.

I have to agree. Sounds to me like he has never wanted anything to do with you throughout your life (no offense.) Why would he want something to do with you now? Because you have grown into the man he wasn't? Because he wants to see the man you have become without his help? I honestly wouldn't waste my time with him. If my dad, or mom for that matter, had never been around in my life, and they wanted to meet me at my current age, or my wife found them for me, I personally wouldn't meet them. Didn't know them through my childhood, why should I know them now? Is it going to make up for the past 30 years? No. Is it going to make me feel better actually meeting the person who wanted nothing to do with me? No.

It's your call, but I am a cold hearted person at times, and this would definitely be one of those times. If he never tried to contact you after you turned 18 if it was a court order keeping him from talking to you, then in my opinion there probably never was a court order.

 

[VOD]

Ive never met my father either. Me and my mother left him when i was about 4 years old becuase his drug habbits were getting out of control. I have never seen him, only pictures and one phone call when i was 9. Thats it. About 4 months ago he started writing me telling me how much he thinks of me and stuff. I just wanted to throw them away. To me, he is not my father. Just some guy who couldnt be one.

If i ever met him on the street, i would ask him for his child support payments he has been missing and thats about it.

 

[bbp42d]

Exactly, there are always three sides to the story, two interpretations and the truth. A lot of anger in that post.

so true, i was told 1 thing but it was another.

just be glad you met him/her. time heals pain. like i said, to much time passed, so be it.

go on into the future...

 

[T-Bolt]

I guess that while my dad is a bipolar looney, I should be thankful that he at least wants to spend time with me and has never missed a support payment. BTW, my mom did not twist it out of him either on that: half of my health insurance per month.

 

[trplblacksnake]

Ok let me give some background. They met when my father and his wife were seperated. Saw each other for a while and finally decided to do it. Well sure enough her first time and she got pregnant with me. His wife and him cleaned things up and he and my mom didnt speak much after then. Then she had me. She never asked him for child support never blamed him for it. She loved him. Well when I was about 3 I always asked for a brother and why I didnt have a brother and how much I wanted one. She and him made an agreement that they would again do it as long as she named my brother after him. Well it all worked out and she had my brother 8 days after my birthday and she named him Richard. We lived with my grandparents untill I was 10 or 11. My grandfather did everything a father should have done for me. He showed me how to work on cars, do yard work, build with wood and metal, everything. He is truely a man of all trades. If you need something done Im sure he can do it. Well when I was about 12 fathers day rolled around and we had a thing at school about writing a paper on your father (great ) well I came home and asked my mom about him and she thought it would be a good idea if we just met and him and I could talk. Well he owned his own business so I knew he was busy but she called him and set up a time for us to meet. He then called an hour before we were going to meet and rescheduled. Ok fine well meet this day. That day came and he turned around and called again and said something came up and he couldnt be there. Ok Ill try one more time. We rescheduled again and after him canceling the third time I was just sick of it. I thought what do I have to do break the TV to get him to come over and fix it to get to meet him. (he fixed and installed high dollar satelite systems and still does) Well now we are 9 years later and I figure maybe hes grown up a little. Now what Im not a little kid that has nothing but alot of questions and can carry on a conversation maybe hell want to meet. So now we are here. I finally called him again today and asked to talk to him myself. Asked him if we could meet up. Found out that his mother in Texas just passed and thats why we couldnt meet up right now. He then asked for my phone number and he said he would give me a call. Well Ill give him a few weeks and then Ill call him again. He sounded interested so I hope he does call me. Even if it is just for a couple beers. I just want to meet the guy and talk to him. My grandma thought it was funny that both him and I work with electronics. I dont know maybe a mutual interest will make it a little easier. Thanks for all the info guys. Its makes me feel better that Im not the only one that grew up this way.

 

[Nucking Futs]

Just because a male and female had sex and produced a child doesn't make him a Dad or her Mom. What makes you a Dad or Mom is the fact you love, teach and would fight a lion with a toothbrush before you would let any harm come to that child.

My Dad was an alcoholic up until I was 23 but the damage had already been done. I am not angry with him I just feel sorry for him. He wasted the best parts of his children's life, my sister and myself. However, my Grandfather stood up like a MAN and taught me right from wrong, how to work on cars, how to treat other people he taught me to be a man, period. Not only did he teach me he showed me by doing exactly what he preached.

Just because this person is your biological father doesn't earn him any brownie points. Respect and love is earned and not given away because he helped to bring you in this world. If he really wants to be a part of your life he will have to earn that privilege.

His actions will speak louder than his words. I hope all goes well, I really do, good lucky buddy.