Heisenberg, Schrodinger and Ohm are in a car...

[TJSwoboda]

They get pulled over. Heisenberg is driving and the cop asks him "Do you know how fast you were going?"

"No, but I know exactly where I am," Heisenberg replies.

The cop says "You were doing 55 in a 35." Heisenberg throws up his hands and shouts "Great! Now I'm lost!"

The cop thinks this is suspicious and orders him to pop open the trunk. He checks it out and says "Do you know you have a dead cat back here?"

"We do now, asshole!" shouts Schrodinger.

The cop moves to arrest them. Ohm resists.

 

[Steve@TF]

They get pulled over. Heisenberg is driving and the cop asks him "Do you know how fast you were going?"

"No, but I know exactly where I am," Heisenberg replies.

The cop says "You were doing 55 in a 35." Heisenberg throws up his hands and shouts "Great! Now I'm lost!"

The cop thinks this is suspicious and orders him to pop open the trunk. He checks it out and says "Do you know you have a dead cat back here?"

"We do now, asshole!" shouts Schrodinger.

The cop moves to arrest them. Ohm resists.

lol

 

[wurd2]

:lol:

That's an AWESOME joke.

James Snover will approve.

Him and I will both be jealous of your spelling Schrodinger correctly.

 

[wurd2]

Also, that's the best physics joke I've ever heard.

 

[CobraRed01]

What was the cop's name?

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[silver03svt]

What was the cop's name?

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Cation......he was trying to positively charge the group of them.

 

[CobraRed01]

Cation......he was trying to positively charge the group of them.

Ah...Officer Cation. Good one. I understand he is attracted to Cat Hode, an exotic dancer downtown.

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[James Snover]

I figure the officer's name is Albert. because Einstein didn't like quantum mechanics and was the first to say you can't go faster than light.Or at least, the first to have an explanation as to why.

 

[HEMIHUNTER]

If the cop opened the box wouldn't he be dead too?
Now you're confusing me.

 

[CobraRed01]

I figure the officer's name is Albert. because Einstein didn't like quantum mechanics and was the first to say you can't go faster than light.Or at least, the first to have an explanation as to why.

You know I was going to say that...but figured I wouldn't be right. So many opinions in quantum mechanics I thought some one else would have been a better pick. God...that Albert is such a buzz kill. Much to his consternation God is making him play dice right now.

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[TJSwoboda]

If the cop opened the box wouldn't he be dead too?
Now you're confusing me.

Not at all, no. You have a radioactive particle that, at a certain time, has a 50/50 chance of undergoing decay. You set up a sensor to read decay if it takes place, and connect the sensor to a motor that will swing a hammer to break a vial of highly lethal poison if the particle decays. You put this apparatus in a soundproof box with a cat, a few minutes before the critical second when the particle might decay. That second passes, and the particle may or may not have decayed. Heisenberg said that the particle is now in a superposition of states, both decayed and not-decayed, until we check its state and collapse the quantum wave into one objective reality or the other. Schrodinger disagreed, and to show what he thought was the absurdity of the idea came up with the cat thought-experiment I just described: Is the cat both alive and dead, until we open the box or check the particle? The person who opens the box doesn't die, well unless they touch the poison. Cops often wear gloves, so this one was safe.

Even though Heisenberg was right in his general interpretation of quantum mechanics (note the part of the joke about knowing speed or location, but never both), the cat isn't both alive and dead, and the particle isn't even in a superposition of states: Whether it undergoes decay affects things around it enough that no human observation is needed to collapse the quantum wave.

 

[James Snover]

You know I was going to say that...but figured I wouldn't be right. So many opinions in quantum mechanics I thought some one else would have been a better pick. God...that Albert is such a buzz kill. Much to his consternation God is making him play dice right now.

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When in doubt, close your eyes, still your breathing and listen to the fizz of the virtual particles in the vacuum. Two answers will pop up: one is correct, the other is incorrect. Always go with whichever one will get you laid, and you can't go wrong!

 

[TJSwoboda]

When in doubt, close your eyes, still your breathing and listen to the fizz of the virtual particles in the vacuum. Two answers will pop up: one is correct, the other is incorrect. Always go with whichever one will get you laid, and you can't go wrong!

If the MWI is true, there's a universe where I'm taking both Kate Upton and Margot Robbie to bed every night. And one where I'm Batman. And one where I'm Batman getting sandwich jobs from Kate Upton and Margot Robbie every night. (sigh)

 

[CobraRed01]

When in doubt, close your eyes, still your breathing and listen to the fizz of the virtual particles in the vacuum. Two answers will pop up: one is correct, the other is incorrect. Always go with whichever one will get you laid, and you can't go wrong!

You know you can't argue with logic. Now can you convince my wife?

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