Not having kids?

[Bdubbs]

So my wife and I are both 38 year's old. We are high school sweethearts. Been together for 21 years, 15 years of that married. We don't have any kid, and quite honestly don't plan on having any. We do have two dogs.

Life has been good, basically each of us do what we want, never really have anything to fight about. We also have separate checking accounts and split the morgage, utilities, and cable bill. After the bills are paid we do as we please with our own money. I like just jumping in the car whenever and going for a cruise. We both do a lot of golfing as well.

We still get asked at family functions if we ever going to have kids. Last weekend my niece got married. At the reception, my wife was holding our other nieces baby. I'll admit she looks good doing it, but there again people were asking.

I honestly think some people get jealous for the fact that we don't have any kids. Some say it's selfish that we don't. Does it seem that less people are having kids these days, or is it about the same?

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[verbal]

I wouldn’t say it’s jealousy but rather some societal norm that people think you inevitably do.

I know a lot a people in their 50’s and 60’s who don’t have kids so I don’t think this is a new trend. Most of my coworkers in this age range do not have kids.

 

[CV355]

It's becoming more and more common that married couples are choosing not to have kids. There's nothing wrong with that- if having children does not fit your preferred lifestyle, then not having them is the right choice. Some people may chalk it up as "avoiding responsibility," but I see it otherwise. Why take it on if you don't want it? Better for you and the unborn, in my opinion. You owe and bear no responsibility to that which does not exist, so it is not a selfish decision.

Personally, I would rather not have kids. My wife, on the other hand, has stated that her one major goal in life is to raise a family. Not sure how that's going to go in the long run. I like the idea of teaching some little urchin how to do things like how to play an instrument, wrench on the car, kick ass in a video game, pull pranks... But we all know that expectations and reality often do not align. If it was all positives, sure. Reality though... Choosing schools, stickiness, temper tantrums, stickiness, odd smells, random stains/explosions in the house, oh no it threw up again, stickiness, having to go to parent/teacher conferences, stickiness... Not my cup of tea, at least not with my current mental state of pure burnout.

I have seen people turn their lives around with children and the joy they can bring. I have seen other people crumble from it. It's a huge decision.

 

[Bdubbs]

It's becoming more and more common that married couples are choosing not to have kids. There's nothing wrong with that- if having children does not fit your preferred lifestyle, then not having them is the right choice. Some people may chalk it up as "avoiding responsibility," but I see it otherwise. Why take it on if you don't want it? Better for you and the unborn, in my opinion. You owe and bear no responsibility to that which does not exist, so it is not a selfish decision.

Personally, I would rather not have kids. My wife, on the other hand, has stated that her one major goal in life is to raise a family. Not sure how that's going to go in the long run.

I agree. I have a friend that also doesn't want kids, but his wife wants them badly. This could lead to some tension. Both parties should be on the same page with such a life changing decision.

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[jpro]

We have kids, and it defines my life (in good and bad ways). You give up freedoms like just hopping in the car and cruising, staying out late and waking up late the next day, etc. I am currently monitoring our finances and the amount of money it costs to raise them (ages 8 and 9) I could have a GT350, '14 GT500, and boats & hoes (Step Brothers reference). I love my kids, they are my whole life. But if you don't have any and you and the wife are content without them, don't think for one second about what others say/think. Its your life, live it the way you want...you selfish prick! (kidding)

 

[earico]

Personal choice. Some people are just not cut out to be parents. I have 2 and can't imagine not having them.

Here is something for you to think about. I believe that hard working, good citizens of society need to reproduce. The polar opposites of society reproduce 4, 5, 6 or more and out of those maybe 1 breaks the trend and becomes a productive member of society. At some point that is going to bite us in the ass. I've been saying this for years, before the movie Idiocracy came out.

 

[gimmie11s]

Similar situation for me with you OP in that wife and I are both high school sweethearts and have been together for over 20 years.....Married for 18. I’m 40 and she is 39.

The main difference is we have 4 kids. We started late however in that I was 30 and my wife was 29.

Prior to having kids I thought exactly the same way as you. I had zero interest in having them. I was admittedly extremely selfish.

The whole idea was driven by my wife and really came on strong in her late 20s. I gave in and here we are 10 years later with 4.

It is the best decision I have ever made. These kids bring so much joy to our lives and I am so thankful to be able to be a positive model to each of them!

Watching them grow is a blast. It’s crazy to see new individual human beings that you are responsible for making their own decisions, forming their own sentences, each with their own specific and individual personality and way of doing things.

It is such a blessing!

 

[jpro]

I agree. I have a friend that also doesn't want kids, but his wife wants them badly. This could lead to some tension. Both parties should be on the same page with such a life changing decision.

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Ya...that situation is explosive.

 

[gimmie11s]

Personal choice. Some people are just not cut out to be parents. I have 2 and can't imagine not having them.

Here is something for you to think about. I believe that hard working, good citizens of society need to reproduce. The polar opposites of society reproduce 4, 5, 6 or more and out of those maybe 1 breaks the trend and becomes a productive member of society. At some point that is going to bite us in the ass. I've been saying this for years, before the movie Idiocracy came out.

X100

 

[Gr8fulmtnbiker]

Hey bud, nice post...i am 47 (soon to be 48) and have never been married or cohabitated and have no kids (none have even shown up on my doorstep so far, so that's good). Admittedly- I AM SELFISH. At least you have been able to commit to 1 woman, live together, get married, etc. But again, I AM SELFISH- and I admit it and make no apologies for it either, it is what it is. I run my own business, have my own house, and have almost all the big boy toys I could want at this stage of life. HOWEVER, I do admit that there are days when I wake up and think to myself 'ok what's next'- I have a girlfriend who is 15 years younger than me and we have been together for about 2 years now, future and kids come up and while I would want to live with her before a marriage, I guess I am starting to think about the marriage and kids thing more than I ever did (which was never). She has made it clear she wants marriage and kids, I keep saying I am on the fence about kids, but at some point she will walk without a commitment- and I would not blame her if that is what she wants.

I guess I would tell you that do what is best for YOU- don't worry that other people might think you are selfish- I know more than enough people who should never have had kids but they did (some of them are even the ones who call others selfish)- I wish THEY were more selfish! I do think there is a trend nowadays for people to have marriages and kids later than they ever did before- and hopefully that is a good thing in the long run- too many people get married and divorced anymore, it's not even a big deal, and it should be a big deal- even worse when there are kids involved...just goes to show I do not think enough people enter into marriages and kids for the right reasons- I know people who got married just because they wanted kids, I know people who had kids because they got married and it felt like the logical 'next step', etc. There are all kinds of 'arrangements' out there and only you know what is best for you. The ones who are jealous of your life are probably the ones who wish they did not marry who they married and/or had kids for the wrong reasons- be wary of the naysayers! People tell me all the time how 'lucky' I am to not be married, there are those who say I am lucky to not have kids- however I will tell you this- the ones who say I am lucky to have never been married were either divorced or in crappy relationships, and the ones who say I am lucky to have no kids have crappy kids- that opinion stems from somewhere and it is not a place I want to be. On the other side, the ones who say I should get married and have kids are REALLY REALLY happy with their spouses and kids- nobody says it is easy, but supposedly the pluses far outweigh negatives. I am still debating, but more and more I see the pluses.

Sorry for the ramble but this topic is pretty prevalent in my life lately...hahaha

 

[CV355]

Hey bud, nice post...i am 47 (soon to be 48) and have never been married or cohabitated and have no kids (none have even shown up on my doorstep so far, so that's good). Admittedly- I AM SELFISH. At least you have been able to commit to 1 woman, live together, get married, etc. But again, I AM SELFISH- and I admit it and make no apologies for it either, it is what it is. I run my own business, have my own house, and have almost all the big boy toys I could want at this stage of life. HOWEVER, I do admit that there are days when I wake up and think to myself 'ok what's next'-

First, I wouldn't necessarily confuse "selfish" with living for yourself. They aren't necessarily mutually exclusive, but I know plenty of people who I wouldn't consider selfish that simply live for themselves.

That "ok what's next" feeling is tough. That's where I'm at. Possessions do nothing for me anymore- no novelty, no bragging, no sense of success, just fear of loss. It's the same fear of loss that keeps me from saying "ok" to my wife about having kids. That and stickiness. Kids are sticky for some damn reason.

 

[121AK]

One of my coworkers is in her 60s, married, and has no kids. Her husband owns a company and she does alright. They have a nice house and a beautifully restored classic Chevy that they take to car shows during the year. That's their thing and they are happy. They don't have the added expense of kids so they do a lot of traveling!

I'm not married and I don't have kids. It helps with my career honestly. If you want to promote in my agency you need to move around. For me, moving is stupid easy. I just pack up my things and I'm gone. I don't have to worry about anyone but myself.

 

[Gr8fulmtnbiker]

First, I wouldn't necessarily confuse "selfish" with living for yourself. They aren't necessarily mutually exclusive, but I know plenty of people who I wouldn't consider selfish that simply live for themselves.

That "ok what's next" feeling is tough. That's where I'm at. Possessions do nothing for me anymore- no novelty, no bragging, no sense of success, just fear of loss. It's the same fear of loss that keeps me from saying "ok" to my wife about having kids. That and stickiness. Kids are sticky for some damn reason.

Ok, I never thought of it that way but maybe that makes sense (regarding selfish vs living for yourself...at the moment I do not see much difference, but give me some time to marinade in that).

Your comment about possessions is spot on- while I love modding my cars, motorcycles, mountain bikes, road bikes, etc. I just do not get the same sense of satisfaction I used to get from that. It really is just stuff, and no matter what I will always want stuff, especially super cool stuff- but at the end of the day, there is only so much satisfaction that comes along with it. Maybe if I had someone else to share things and experiences with then life would look differently and that could be utterly amazing- I love the excitement my girlfriend, nieces, etc. get when they go for rides in my car= it makes me enjoy and appreciate the car that much more, where otherwise not so much. Maybe that just means that having kids would make me appreciate so many other things in life that quite frankly right now I kinda just maybe take for granted or disregard altogether????

I hear ya about the stickiness- why are they always so damn sticky? I have 3 neices all under 10 and they hardly ever have candy but yet are sticky. WTF?

Are you saying you are afraid of losing your wife so that would make you be ok with having kids? I dunno man- that can be dangerous- on one hand you could have them and realize how incredible it is and all would be good, on the other hand you could wake up one day resenting and regretting that decision and that will be good for nobody. Be very careful with that buddy.

 

[VenomousDSG]

I see a trend in people with above average IQs choosing not to have kids early in life, or at all, because of financial reasons or because of all the shit going on in the world today.

And business as usual with the poor and uneducated popping out 5 or 10 kids. We are going to breed ourselves into a real life "Idiocracy" movie.

 

[BigPoppa]

Have kids, don't have kids, it's your choice.

Just don't get a dog or a cat and call it your fur baby.

Good Lord I want cram my fist down friggin people's throats who do that.

Them and Prius owners....

And that teenage girl with the bald head from that school in Florida. DAMN I want to beat that little bully bloody.

Good grief, I gotta go jack off or something.

 

[1996slowbra]

Have kids, don't have kids, it's your choice.

Just don't get a dog or a cat and call it your fur baby.

Good Lord I want cram my fist down friggin people's throats who do that.

Them and Prius owners....

And that teenage girl with the bald head from that school in Florida. DAMN I want to beat that little bully bloody.

Good grief, I gotta go jack off or something.

I rent a room to a older woman in my house and she does this. She ****ing talks to her cats like they are her children, I hear it every night when she comes home. Like nails on a chalkboard.

Granted that is the only real complaint about her as a roomate and she cleans and makes me food so I have allowed it so far.

 

[Gr8fulmtnbiker]

Just don't get a dog or a cat and call it your fur baby.

Them and Prius owners....

And that teenage girl with the bald head from that school in Florida. DAMN I want to beat that little bully bloody.

.

YES TO ALL 3.....OH MAN THE ANGER I FEEL TOWARDS THEM!

 

[Mpoitrast87]

I'm single and young but, I constantly go back and forth trying to decide if I want kids or not. Apart of me would love to have a mini me grow up and be into cars and all that. But, between the illnesses someone can get and the shitty world we live in especially with school shootings it makes it a hard decision. Another thing is I don't want to start having kids til I'm 28-29ish. There's so much I want to do and I want to do it before kids get in the way and and it seems girls today want to pop about babies ASAP. Like 23-24 and I think that's to young IMO.

 

[CV355]

Are you saying you are afraid of losing your wife so that would make you be ok with having kids? I dunno man- that can be dangerous- on one hand you could have them and realize how incredible it is and all would be good, on the other hand you could wake up one day resenting and regretting that decision and that will be good for nobody. Be very careful with that buddy.

My wife told me she would never leave over not having kids, but her dream would die, so to speak. The fear of loss I am referring to is loss of a child. Watching someone endure pain simply because I brought them into the world, or lose them entirely... My wife could have easily died last year from the accident she was in. I get downright petrified when I see her leave the driveway now, or if I get a text from her after she parks that says "drivers are terrible today! Almost got hit 3 times!" What if there was a child in her Jeep when she got hit? There's no way a child would have survived that. That's my fear.

I see a trend in people with above average IQs choosing not to have kids early in life, or at all, because of financial reasons or because of all the shit going on in the world today.

And business as usual with the poor and uneducated popping out 5 or 10 kids. We are going to breed ourselves into a real life "Idiocracy" movie.

The inability to recognize responsibility is the same reason they're in the situation they're in.

On the opposite side on the pendulum swing, overemphasis on responsibility keeps those with a high IQ from enjoying life. Can't "smell the roses" because they're too busy watering them, and pruning them, and pulling weeds, and... Why is high IQ frequently associated with depression and discontent with life in general... Hmm

 

[Bdubbs]

I'm single and young but, I constantly go back and forth trying to decide if I want kids or not. Apart of me would love to have a mini me grow up and be into cars and all that. But, between the illnesses someone can get and the shitty world we live in especially with school shootings it makes it a hard decision. Another thing is I don't want to start having kids til I'm 28-29ish. There's so much I want to do and I want to do it before kids get in the way and and it seems girls today want to pop about babies ASAP. Like 23-24 and I think that's to young IMO.

When I was younger, I always thought I'd have kids. Now 38 and still don't have any. Don't rush into anything, plenty of people having kids at a older age.

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