What age do you teach your kids to fight back

[Adamn]

My son is 3 and probably every other time I pick him up from the babysitters he tells me that another kid pushes him down and hits him with things. I really want to tell him to return the favor when the other kid does that but I don't want to teach him that fighting is the way to solve issues. My wife tells him to tell the kid to stop but we all know how well that works.

My son is by no means a wimp and is bigger than the other kid so it's not like it's a big kid picking on a smaller one. I want him to stand up to bullies but the last thing I want is for him to be a bully since he is bigger than most kids his age. So what I'm wondering is when is it ok to tell your kid to fight back against bullies?

 

[Snake Pliskin]

3. Not to fight but how to properly respond.

 

[Adamn]

3. Not to fight but how to properly respond.

And what would be the proper way to respond?

 

[ChiSVT]

I would teach my kid to stick the umbilical cord if it was warranted.

 

[R.D.P.]

My recommendation is to speak to the child care provider and tell him\her to closely monitor the situation. Your 3yr old shouldn't have to deal with that. If it doesn't change, switch to a different place. I have a daughter, so don't really have to worry about it - but if I had a boy he would be in Karate starting about about 5yrs old. It will teach him respect and how to defend himself if needed.

 

[JBird_Cobra]

I would imagine talking to the provider, as mentioned above, would be a good place to start.

FWIW, the MMA gym I was at had a 'little warriors' program that started kids as early as 4... they all loved it and learned some good things.

 

[Coiled03]

My recommendation is to speak to the child care provider and tell him\her to closely monitor the situation. Your 3yr old shouldn't have to deal with that. If it doesn't change, switch to a different place. I have a daughter, so don't really have to worry about it - but if I had a boy he would be in Karate starting about about 5yrs old. It will teach him respect and how to defend himself if needed.

How does having a daughter change the situation?

I have a 3 year old daughter who's been hit and kicked at daycare. She damn sure needs to, and will, know how to defend herself.

 

[13COBRA]

From birth.

 

[black92]

My recommendation is to speak to the child care provider and tell him\her to closely monitor the situation. Your 3yr old shouldn't have to deal with that. If it doesn't change, switch to a different place. I have a daughter, so don't really have to worry about it - but if I had a boy he would be in Karate starting about about 5yrs old. It will teach him respect and how to defend himself if needed.

^This

I wouldn't teach your son to fight back as much as you should teach him how to defend himself. I did Karate and wrestling as a kid, so I could easily defend myself if needed, but gladly I never had to.

 

[ThomasL]

At that age you'd be surprised how well they can use their words instead of getting physical. My son is 3, tough and can defend himself if need be, but we taught him to use his words. He tells the other kid that he doesn't like (insert action). If it doesnt stop, he tells the teacher. So, he's learning to communicate directly with the other child initially instead of running to teacher first.

 

[TorchMach]

I'd say talk to the one watching the kids, second talk to your son and tell him to tell the kid next time he hits him to tell him to stop and if he doesn't to strike him. Explain however, it's not ok to hit other people, however under any circumstance is it ok for someone else to hit you. It's your job to tell the person supervising him and his job to defend himself IMO.

 

[James Snover]

You teach him to fight a soon as he needs to be able to defend himself. Which it sounds like is now. You don't want to create a bully, you say, and that's good. But you also don't want to create a doormat, either. If it were my kid I'd tell him to push the other kid twice as hard. The other kid needs to learn this lesson, too: that if you go around pushing people, sometimes they push back! Let them both learn these lessons now, rather than later.

 

[MovingZen]

Talk to the care provider. Below the age of 5 or 6 you'll be wasting you're time. Most children below the age of 5 can't reason and all you'll be teaching him to do is hit when something happens he doesn't like. Fighting beyond self defense is a lack of self control. Once someone pushes you down and you get up and push them down, that's ego not self defense. At his age teach him balance and how to avoid being pushed down, let the care provider deal with the other child.

 

[01Jes]

You teach him to fight a soon as he needs to be able to defend himself. Which it sounds like is now. You don't want to create a bully, you say, and that's good. But you also don't want to create a doormat, either. If it were my kid I'd tell him to push the other kid twice as hard. The other kid needs to learn this lesson, too: that if you go around pushing people, sometimes they push back! Let them both learn these lessons now, rather than later.

Always a good answer from this man

 

[MinGrey02Stg2]

You teach him to fight a soon as he needs to be able to defend himself. Which it sounds like is now. You don't want to create a bully, you say, and that's good. But you also don't want to create a doormat, either. If it were my kid I'd tell him to push the other kid twice as hard. The other kid needs to learn this lesson, too: that if you go around pushing people, sometimes they push back! Let them both learn these lessons now, rather than later.

Great answer.

I remember as a kid going up to my Dad, telling him about an older kid picking on me who was much bigger. I wanted him to do something about it and he told me that I was going to be the one to do something. He told me to walk up to the kid and punch him right in the jaw, which I did as he stood by and watched. That kid never messed with me again because bullies don't like people who hit back.

Nowadays, so many parents tell their kids to walk away/be the bigger person/tell the teacher and the bully just keeps at it when the teacher isn't looking, making the kid internalize everything until one day they snap and shoot up a school, or just make it known they're a target. The sense of empowerment and confidence a child can gain from confronting the situation can go a long way.

 

[32ValveRom]

If I were you I'd probably have a word with the babysitter to tell them that yesterday, your son was being pushed around and bullied but today he may end up defending himself and making someone cry.

 

[Superhawk2002]

If I were you I'd probably have a word with the babysitter to tell them that yesterday, your son was being pushed around and bullied but today he may end up defending himself and making someone cry.

I agree with this. Start with the daycare. Work with your son. I know fighting shouldn't happen (esp at that age), but defending himself is a totally different thing. A shove back never hurt anyone. Wait til you see them play sports like soccer. M son's 4 yr old soccer team turn into a game of "Smear the Queer" instead of soccer.

 

[carrrnuttt]

You won't have to teach him if you raise him with brothers. ;-)

I have three sons and they never take it easy on each other.

My youngest, who's now seven, at his first day in kindergarten, some 2nd grader tried to pick on him in the bathroom, and my then 5yo proceeds to sock the 2nd grader in the nuts, sending the kid crying to a teacher.

Yeah, I had to teach him that what he did was technically bad and he should have went to the teacher first, but I was definitely high-fiving him when mom wasn't looking.