Why you never question a drunk..

[03cobrablack]

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:

-A half-gallon of 2% milk,
-A carton of eggs,
-A quart of orange juice,
-A head of lettuce,
-A 2lb can of coffee,
-And a 1lb package of bacon.

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.

While the cashier was ringing up her purchases the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."

The woman was a bit startled by this proclomation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "well, you you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied, "Cause you're uglier than shit"

 

[Mr. Mach-ete]

Haha cheap but funny.

 

[Ride Along]

A skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says: "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch private, 3 pound testicles, Turner Brown."

The white man faints and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big guy says: "What's wrong with you?"
In a weak voice the little guy says, "What EXACTLY did you say to me?"

The big dude says: "I saw your curious look and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me..... I'm 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch private, my testicles weighs 3 pounds each, and my name is Turner Brown."

The small guy says: "Turner Brown?!...Sweet Jesus, I thought you said, "Turn around !"

 

[Ride Along]

I'm sure this one has been seen before, but it always reminds me of my first roomie in college:

A blonde called her boyfriend and said, "Please come over here
and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure it out or even know how to get it started."

Her boyfriend asked, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The blonde said, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."

Her boyfriend decided to go over and help with the puzzle.

She let him in and showed him where she had the puzzle spread out all over the table.

He studied the pieces for a moment, then looked at the box, then turned to her and said, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger.

He took her hand and said, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's
have a nice cup of hot chocolate and then..." he sighed, ..."Let's put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."

 

[instantmassege]

HAHA good ones!

 

[UCBeau]

lolz

 

[Emin]

I'm sure this one has been seen before, but it always reminds me of my first roomie in college:

A blonde called her boyfriend and said, "Please come over here
and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure it out or even know how to get it started."

Her boyfriend asked, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The blonde said, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."

Her boyfriend decided to go over and help with the puzzle.

She let him in and showed him where she had the puzzle spread out all over the table.

He studied the pieces for a moment, then looked at the box, then turned to her and said, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger.

He took her hand and said, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's
have a nice cup of hot chocolate and then..." he sighed, ..."Let's put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."

:lol: :lol:

 

[stangd1909]

Hahahaha....LMAO!

 

[STAMPEDE3]

Underwear Is Very Important.


From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this story of a

Crestview couple who drove their car to Walmart, only to have their car

break down in the parking lot. The man told his wife to carry on with the

shopping while he fixed the car in the lot.

The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On

closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the

chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underwear turned

private parts into glaringly public ones. Unable to stand the

embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand UP his

shorts, and tucked everything back into place. On regaining her feet, she

looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband, who was

standing idly by.

The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his forehead.

 

[stangd1909]

^^^^^LMAO!! Thats funny sh$t!!

 

[Posi]

^^^Now that would suck!:lol: