Blended Family Parenting Advice
- Thread starter 13COBRA
- Start date
I do spend time with all of my kids...
Patience is key.
Sent from my Potato
Didnt say you didn’t. But for a guy like you, running a business and active lifestyle, it is often not enough time spent. Especially if having a difficult time with one.
anyways, good luck with kids, bro. 4 has to be tough.
I do agree that you have to be careful when selecting a psychologist. As someone that has gone through the search before, there are a handful of good ones for every hundred crappy ones. There are all kinds of fluffy master degrees which I would personally stay away from. You might as well find someone that specialized in the area of child/adolescent therapy. I would find a recommendation from someone that you trust - I would probably start with the family GP/Pediatrician.
You have 1 child acting out BEGGING for more attention and you cant find time to give him some 1:1? Come on. You just answered the question to this whole thread.
You are making excuses. Sorry to be a dick, but people make time for the things that they think are important. Period, full stop.
Let me say that again: People make time for the things that they think are important.
BTW, i have 4 kids, work 60+ hours a week and have massive amounts of time for 1:1 with each of them when necessary.
And no, i dont think im father of the year. Ive fallen short PLENTY of times; enough in fact to give you the advice ive given above and below.
Yeah, No.
Kids need their parents' attention, not a damned shrink. This shit isnt rocket science.
I don't remember the other thread that you really rubbed me the wrong way in, but this one definitely takes the cake.
I work 70-75 hours a week, plus help my wife with her new store for 10-12 hours a week. I wake up all of my kids for school before I go to work, and the second I get home from work I'm 100% dad-mode. I definitely hang out with all of my kids, whether it's my 9 year old who's in competitive dance, my 7 year old that plays soccer/baseball/basketball/hockey, my 3 year old that loves playing with racecars, tractors and trucks, and my 1.5 year old who loves wrestling around on the floor. I take them each out for dinner at least once a month by themselves. I take them each out to buy a toy or something randomly, all the time (took my 9 year old to the store last night at 8:30 because she decided to she wanted a new Chiefs shirt for school today).
I don't spend hours in the garage wrenching on things. When I go racing, the whole family comes with. I don't go on trips without my family. I don't hang out at the bars, ever. I don't make plans that don't involve the kids when we have them. I haven't been to the shooting range in well over a year. ETC ETC ETC.
My 3 year old is a handful. By the second or third day he's with us, all is smooth. A lot of the issue is when he comes to us on that first day from being back from his mom's, he's a completely different kid. Normal rules don't apply at his mom's house, and he's not having to play well with other kids there as he is the only child.
Appreciate your input, and I'm sure your likely response will be that I'm making excuses or something...guess it's a good thing I'm not paying you for advice.
Is there a possibility your 3 year old is frustrated because his personality isn't meshing with anyone else in the family? I ask because you mention being frustrated with him because you're so different. Maybe he's reaching out for some empathy? Is there a chance he's equally frustrated with you?
I have friends with difficult children and I don't want to say anything but they are also being difficult parents which compounds the problem. It's easy to diagnose the kids with some sort of disorder and a little harder to look internally at ourselves.
I have friends with difficult children and I don't want to say anything but they are also being difficult parents which compounds the problem. It's easy to diagnose the kids with some sort of disorder and a little harder to look internally at ourselves.
Everyone gets along great, except when the 3 year old doesn't get his way and he breaks down to tears...every time. I don't have a lot of empathy or sympathy for that. So that might be part of the problem.
The non-congruence here is the 3yr old doesn't belong to your current wife, the other three kids do.
I have two adopted siblings and have seen plenty of blending families. Just, pass.
You also have an unrealistic age gap going on. I had a brother +10 years younger. Talk about a living hell, being a young teen and having to deal constantly with BS toddler problems.
I'm not going to pass judgment because I know **** all about you and your family so the best I can do is share my parenting experience. I work with 80+ kids weekly at this point and I see a lot of unempathetic parents that don't realize they take their frustrations out on their children. It's worth looking internally at how empathetic you really are. Good luck.
I don't think that's directly correlated to the issue at all. My wife loves him and is probably more patient with him than I am.
If anything, I think it just infuriates me that his crying, 'world is unfair' attitude reminds me so much of his mother.
Thanks.
Bro, 3 good kids and 1 shenanigans one...I’d call that a win.
Haha they're all good kids, and don't get me wrong they ALL have their struggles with behavior/etc...but we seem to be handling everything else besides the acting out of the 3 year old fairly fine.
As more information is shared, it sounds as though you’re trying hard to strike a good balance. It’s certainly possible that something is misaligned, but there’s virtually no way for us to know and making presumptions is not helpful.
What I’ll say is that the dude is 3. His brain is still in early development and he likely has little understanding of his own emotions. He splits time in environments that sound very different. In one setting, he’s the singular focus. In the other, he’s sharing attention with 3 others. Is he with you less often than with mom? This coupled with his age and my speculation is that he’s just being a 3yo in non-ideal circumstances.
My wife and I have a boy and girl, 2 years apart. One of our goals in parenting is consistency. Consistency in schedule, diet, messaging and opportunity. Not sure that you can control consistency outside of your home but you can at least consistently demonstrate love and adoration so that he always feels safe and knows that you’re on his team.
Good luck- I commend you for recognizing a problem and trying to find resolution. Would be super cool to get an update if you find a working strategy.
What I’ll say is that the dude is 3. His brain is still in early development and he likely has little understanding of his own emotions. He splits time in environments that sound very different. In one setting, he’s the singular focus. In the other, he’s sharing attention with 3 others. Is he with you less often than with mom? This coupled with his age and my speculation is that he’s just being a 3yo in non-ideal circumstances.
My wife and I have a boy and girl, 2 years apart. One of our goals in parenting is consistency. Consistency in schedule, diet, messaging and opportunity. Not sure that you can control consistency outside of your home but you can at least consistently demonstrate love and adoration so that he always feels safe and knows that you’re on his team.
Good luck- I commend you for recognizing a problem and trying to find resolution. Would be super cool to get an update if you find a working strategy.
Yeah, I probably didn't do a good job starting out laying out all of the pertinent information.
It's just about 50/50 custody. Towards the end of his time with us everything is smooth sailing. The first day or so being with us is God awful. I truly feel that it is the inconsistency of parenting style and his upbringing. Its challenging, because the way he acts the first day or so is EXACTLY why I divorced his mom.
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