Am I wrong here? (dating a woman with kids question)

[lilcoop03]

Been dating a woman for about a year and a half. She has 2 kids (I have none). The kids are 2 (girl) and 8 (boy). I have good relationships with both of them and they still see their father every week too. The boy wrestles and competes in tournaments once or twice a month, all of which I have attended even though they are usually at least 1-2 hour drive away and it consumes a whole Saturday every time you go to one. He may actually wrestle 3-5 times during these, depending on how well he does which I love to see, but the rest of the 7-8 hrs you are there is spent waiting and waiting which SUCKS.

Anyway, a local race event is going on that I don't want to miss that will be during the same time as the next tournament. I asked her if she minded if I went to this instead of to the tournament this one time, and she flipped out, Ive ruined her weekend for even asking, I don't want anything to do with the kids, blah blah blah..

I have been to every tournament and game that I was able to go to since the beginning. This kid plays EVERY sport.

We are serious, live together, but not married or engaged.

The boys father and most of his family are always at these tournaments, so he has PLENTY of support. I rarely get to even speak to him during these things because he is with his father during most of them.

Am I wrong for asking/wanting to do something else I wanted to do here?

 

[mineralgrey01gt]

I am in the same situation, been with her for 4 years, has 2 girls 11 and 13. I went to soccer games at first and some karate stuff but now when they go on trips out of town I stay home and do things that id like to do. I never got a response like you did. Normally I cant make stuff because of where it is and the time of year. For example they do a karate tournament every year mardi gras weekend in New Orleans. I live 1 hour from New Orleans and work till 5 that Friday every year and really cant take off of work because of our busy time of the year is then. Theres no way I could even think about making it there for that especially when parades pass all weekend down the road they are on so I started staying home. If it is something major then yes I will go but something like that I do not personally see anything wrong with not going to one to do something for yourself. Everyone needs their own time to themselves to get away.

 

[R.D.P.]

You guys started dating when she had a six month old?

 

[13COBRA]

Women are like that. You can tell her she's pretty 1,000,000 times, but the one time you ask her nicely if she will do something with her hair...you think she's ugly and a horrible person.

You have two options.

1.) Explain to her that you care about the kids a lot and if she needs you to continue to prove that, you'll go to the tournament because obviously you want to support him. But you also want her to understand that you enjoy doing other things too. More or less, you didn't choose to have kids.

2.) Guilt trip her (this is the option she'd choose to do to you). Explain to the boy, in front of her, that you're really sorry you're going to miss this tournament. That you've enjoyed watching him all season and that you think he'll kick ass this weekend. Then tell him that you would like to take him for ice cream or something later in the weekend so he can tell you how everything went down.

 

[lilcoop03]

The girl will be 3 in July. She was almost 2 when we started dating.

 

[AAG]

That's the real her that's she's been holding back until you wife her.

 

[cobralvr01]

Well, unfortunately in this situation, you have taken on a father role. There are emotional investments on all ends now, both from you and the preexisting family. It's a tough call. I personally would sit her down and try to discuss with her that the kid means a lot to you, but just this once you would like to be able to do what you want. One day isn't going to kill anybody. That's the problem I see with a lot of women, as mentioned above. You can have a perfect track record for months, but the one time you mess up or ask to do something for yourself, you're a selfish asshole. My wife started to act like that when we first got married, but I had to crush that shit instantly. She has to realize that you're in it for the long haul, so taking some time off to do your own thing won't hurt anyone. Hell, the kid won't even remember this when the next tournament comes along. I'd go.

 

[Russo]

i have been through what you have.. my wife and i have been married for a year now.. she has three boys from her previous marriage (6,9,12), the youngest does soccer and the middle one does basketball. One saturday i had to work and miss one of the soccer games, she wasn't to happy about it. so after going to the rest of the soccer games that year, all the basketball practices (and i was helping the coach), and basketball games, she eventually dropped the argument when SHE had plans that made us miss the soccer games. So basically she can miss them with me, but i can't miss them without her.

It's all good because one day the boy's "maybe" daddy (registered sex offender, two time convicted domestic violence offender) will be arrested for being at the recreation facility and i'll be there to witness it.

my wife likes to be included, like going to the gun range, concerts, cleaning our cars, shopping, etc.. she doesn't like to be excluded because she's the female, so i have to learn that when i want to go do something most of the time she's on board with what i want to do..

 

[RedRocketMike]

I know people like to exaggerate about what they will and won't deal with, but I don't. I think you were wrong for asking her if you could go. You should have told her what you were going to do. Because it's not up for debate. You put in plenty of time, and at the end of the day, it's not your kid. This happens with so many things, you put in too much time and you set a precedent in the eyes of an unreasonable person. A reasonable person would have no problems with it. I would seriously consider if you're with someone who has a flawed personality, or maybe you just caught them on a bad day.


Odds are she really doesn't like going so she resents you getting to do something you like instead. You know what they say, misery loves company.

 

[13COBRA]

A reasonable person would have no problems with it. I would seriously consider if you're with someone who has a flawed personality

99% of women think the way his girlfriend does.

 

[ur bittn]

Don't ask her tell her you're going, if she has a problem with that then she's probably becoming to controlling. Most women are Lol, but she will get over it. Believe me your relationship will be much better if you stand your ground Now and don't let it get out of hand. Unless that's the type of relationship you want, some men do. Good Luck!

 

[RedRocketMike]

99% of women think the way his girlfriend does.

This flawed ideology is why people allow this kind of bullshit.

 

[13COBRA]

This flawed ideology is why people allow this kind of bullshit.

No one is allowing any type of bullshit.

So you think someone has a flawed personality if they sparingly think irrationally?

 

[Zemedici]

This flawed ideology is why people allow this kind of bullshit.

Eh. It's how women are programmed these days by media

Sorry to hear that OP, sounds like 99.9% of women, though.

 

[RedRocketMike]

No one is allowing any type of bullshit.

So you think someone has a flawed personality if they sparingly think irrationally?

You're close, they have a flawed personality if they sparingly think Rationally.

His girlfriend is being irrational. Many people, like yourself, will say "99% of women are like that" (which is also not a rational thing to say). But saying that is what leads people to accept behavior like the OP's girlfriend has exhibited as normal, which is allowing bullshit, as I said.



sorry OP, I don't want to hijack your thread.

 

[Zemedici]

You're close, they have a flawed personality if they sparingly think Rationally.

His girlfriend is being irrational. Many people, like yourself, will say "99% of women are like that" (which is also not a rational thing to say). But saying that what is what leads people to accept behavior like the OP's girlfriend has exhibited as normal, which is allowing bullshit, as I said.

I'm so confused by what you're saying. The OP isn't allowing shit, that's why he's asking us how to handle it.....it's sad that 99% of women are like that, but it's true.

 

[Canadian_Bacon]

you didn't choose to have kids.

Technically he did. He chooses to stay, so he chose to have kids.

Oh and advice for the OP. Keep your Pimp Hand Strong! Show her who's boss.

 

[13COBRA]

You're close, they have a flawed personality if they sparingly think Rationally.

His girlfriend is being irrational. Many people, like yourself, will say "99% of women are like that" (which is also not a rational thing to say). But saying that what is what leads people to accept behavior like the OP's girlfriend has exhibited as normal, which is allowing bullshit, as I said.

So if you have 1 irrational thought, or do 1 irrational action...that causes a person to have a flawed personality?

Technically he did. He chooses to stay, so he chose to have kids.

I'm not disagreeing with you..but technical and literal are extremely different.

 

[RedRocketMike]

I'm so confused by what you're saying. The OP isn't allowing shit, that's why he's asking us how to handle it.....it's sad that 99% of women are like that, but it's true.

I didn't say it to the OP, I said it to 13 cobra. It was broad point about people as a whole. It was not directed at the OP. The point was that alot of guys take irrational behavior because when they ask for advice someone says to them "all women are like that" or "99% of women are like that." The OP's gf lashing out at him for asking to take a day for himself it is not normal, it is not healthy, and it should not be justified by saying that 99% of women are like that.

 

[8gtoklr]

If no compromise or communication then its time to move on