Am I wrong here? (dating a woman with kids question)
- Thread starter lilcoop03
- Start date
OP, I went down this road about twenty plus years ago. Dating a woman with two kids about the same age. I recommend learning how to communicated clearly and effectively and learning how to listen between the lines if you want to keep her in your life.
To be perfectly honest, I did a very poor job of both at that time and ended up losing what could have been great relationship.
I have to ask, did you present the request to miss the event in a carefully considered manner or did you just hit her with it on short notice? Presentation is everything in a relationship. And short'ish notice can get a response that you will not expect, but will have to deal with.
Effectively you are her husband and the children's father. Sounds like you have accepted that role and are a truly standup guy. I think I would let this one go, take the kid to the event, tell her that you realize that you didn't give her enough notice and then use your giving nature to get something you want further down the road.
Call it an investment in your continued relationship. Just remember that investments should be cashed in at the appropriate moment.
To be perfectly honest, I did a very poor job of both at that time and ended up losing what could have been great relationship.
I have to ask, did you present the request to miss the event in a carefully considered manner or did you just hit her with it on short notice? Presentation is everything in a relationship. And short'ish notice can get a response that you will not expect, but will have to deal with.
Effectively you are her husband and the children's father. Sounds like you have accepted that role and are a truly standup guy. I think I would let this one go, take the kid to the event, tell her that you realize that you didn't give her enough notice and then use your giving nature to get something you want further down the road.
Call it an investment in your continued relationship. Just remember that investments should be cashed in at the appropriate moment.
Healthy relationships are about having separate interests and supporting those interests.
**** no to all of this.
I'm with you on this one.
Doesn't really help OP, but good advice to all - lock it in when you have something coming up. Sooner the better. If it's a big car thing that I know I don't want to miss, I tell my wife about it weeks or even months out. I'm not a dick about it, but I don't "ask" either. Then a few weeks out I start with the "don't forgot I'm planning to do x". Works great for me and gives her time to plan something if she wants.
Yep.
Screw that. Not like you do it all the time. Just go to the race. If she breaks up with you over it then it was meant to be. Or don't go to the race and be in a bad mood.
I'd TELL her I was going to the race and if she didn't like it to find someone else
I'd TELL her I was going to the race and if she didn't like it to find someone else
Your answer is in the first two words of your post.
'BEEN DATING" As in past tense. Tell her all her crap stops right the **** now or you are gone. Then start seeing at least one other woman with NO KIDS!
Make sure she "finds out" about it. She will get the message that she is easily replaced and quit with her crap or you will be gone. If she doesn't be prepared to vanish.
Life is way too short to spend even a tiny portion of it being miserable.
'BEEN DATING" As in past tense. Tell her all her crap stops right the **** now or you are gone. Then start seeing at least one other woman with NO KIDS!
Make sure she "finds out" about it. She will get the message that she is easily replaced and quit with her crap or you will be gone. If she doesn't be prepared to vanish.
Life is way too short to spend even a tiny portion of it being miserable.
I understand what you are saying, but I don't think a healthy relationship should involve me accumulating "brownie points" just to be able to do something I want to do. Yes, somewhat short notice but only because I found out about the event later than I would have wanted. I pull my weight in the relationship, and she is very good to me, I cant deny that. BUT, that's just a bunch of BS and its not fair.
Yeah this is my strategy. Plan it out as early as possible, put it on the calendar as soon as you hear about it.
You should go to the race just to see her reaction. If she complains, leave her. If she doesn't, she'll know who wears the pants.
Her kids are not your responsibility, and you're not obligated to be that father figure to another dude's kids that she expects you to be. Don't take that shit.
Her kids are not your responsibility, and you're not obligated to be that father figure to another dude's kids that she expects you to be. Don't take that shit.
I like your logic, but we do live together. She moved into my house about a 8 months ago. The kids have their own rooms there and everything. They are with us a couple of weekdays and every other weekend.
Sounds like there's a future ex-girlfriend in the works. But you made the right call from my very limited perspective.
.
agreed
Users who are viewing this thread
