Am I wrong here? (dating a woman with kids question)

[CompOrange04GT]

I'll never understand why guys get involved with women with kids. Thats rule number 1 in my book of NEVER to do. Ever.

because at a certain age.... 90% of the time.. If a chick is still single in say her 30's and 40's with no kids... There's usually a reason behind it... And it's usually not a good one.

Notice I said usually as it's not 100% of the time.

I'm 29 now.. and meeting a girl with no kids is a HUGE rarity.. It seems as if 75-80% of women have kids by now... and the ones that don't are usually losers who havent grown up yet and are still living with their parents, or make $10 an hour

 

[Machdup1]

I understand what you are saying, but I don't think a healthy relationship should involve me accumulating "brownie points" just to be able to do something I want to do. Yes, somewhat short notice but only because I found out about the event later than I would have wanted. I pull my weight in the relationship, and she is very good to me, I cant deny that. BUT, that's just a bunch of BS and its not fair.

Fair enough, your life, your rules.

 

[2001sleeper]

I definitely don't understand guys that don't have kids getting involved with women that do have kids. It never seems to work out and only cause problems. Better to leave the single moms to the single dads, that way the baggage is equal.

100%
3.5 Billion women on earth.
When a single guy is out on the prowl I am sure he has some categories to define his next mate, but it always blows my mind when they are OK that she has some of the biggest baggage to bring into a relationship. If you have an option to start a relationship with no kids, then start a freakin relationship with no kids. No comparison.

 

[nxhappy]

because at a certain age.... 90% of the time.. If a chick is still single in say her 30's and 40's with no kids... There's usually a reason behind it... And it's usually not a good one.

Notice I said usually as it's not 100% of the time.

I'm 29 now.. and meeting a girl with no kids is a HUGE rarity.. It seems as if 75-80% of women have kids by now... and the ones that don't are usually losers who havent grown up yet and are still living with their parents, or make $10 an hour

wtf ? So find a 23 or 24 year old WITHOUT kids ???? :shrug:

 

[CompOrange04GT]

wtf ? So find a 23 or 24 year old WITHOUT kids ???? :shrug:

You're not in the dating game are you?

 

[nxhappy]

Yup. I dated a rich cougar who's kids were almost my age. This was before I was married.

you didn't marry the rich cougar? You fool !

 

[R.D.P.]

You're not in the dating game are you?

Explain it? I haven't been in the dating game in 20yrs. You're only 29, not 39. Doesn't seem like finding mid-20's girls with no kids would be such a hard thing to do? I wonder if some guys (not saying you) actually like it when the girl has a kid or kids because the guy feels like it's going to give him the high ground in the relationship.

 

[CompOrange04GT]

Explain it? I haven't been in the dating game in 20yrs. You're only 29, not 39. Doesn't seem like finding mid-20's girls with no kids would be such a hard thing to do? I wonder if some guys (not saying you) actually like it when the girl has a kid or kids because the guy feels like it's going to give him the high ground in the relationship.

If I were to guess.... on dating sites ( which is why they are dating sites) 90% of women over the age of 23 have kids. I'd say out of the girls I've dated/banged in the last 3 years.. over that age maybe 3 of em didnt have kids. And personally me.. I dont want a 23 year old because if they DONT have kids they are likely party girls and not responsible.. I'm 29 with 3 vehicles and a really good job. I want to find someone like that. That is in a spot to where I wouldn't need to walk in and financially support their every move.. or have someone wanting to go out and party 4-5 nights a week.

And some guys.. Do want a girl with kids. I will explain why.

Many people come from broken homes.. No mom or no dad... Or they were the only child.. Or just had a ****ed up childhood.. Dating a girl with kids kinda means " insta family" in a way. They get to have that family atmosphere from the get go. Many women with kids especially at that age will just rush into a relationship because they just want a "father figure" .. or even just a partner because they are a single parent so it works for both parties.

 

[Regulars520]

Lol all this expert advise in here coming from people who have never been in a marriage that involves kids from other partners. Most of it sounds like shit out of a maxim magazine and doesnt even come close to what its like in real life.

 

[CompOrange04GT]

Lol all this expert advise in here coming from people who have never been in a marriage that involves kids from other partners. Most of it sounds like shit out of a maxim magazine and doesnt even come close to what its like in real life.

Didn't realize you had to be married to be an "Expert" on being with women who have kids.

The kid especially at the age of 2-3 doesn't give a **** less if you're married to the mom or not.

 

[Regulars520]

Didn't realize you had to be married to be an "Expert" on being with women who have kids.

The kid especially at the age of 2-3 doesn't give a **** less if you're married to the mom or not.

Yeah not going to get trolled into an argument with you.

However the .02 is people have set parameters for love. No moms, dont change your hobbies, etc... Doesnt matter how many moms or non moms you have "banged" any guy can bang a chick its not ****ing rocket science. A man can find a woman he desires, and make her fall in love with him. A man can make the kid fall in love with them too. There are no experts for love, period. Every guy says he is going to do this and do that yada yada yada, and plan A comes true how many times? Its usually plan e or f that happens. So go ahead and set your parameters for love and when the right one that will love you and treat you right goes bye bye because the kid inconviences your plans. To each their own but even giving advise on love is stupid because yeah it doesnt quite work that way. P.S I am married to a mom, been happily married for over 8 years, and I was that guy who said he wouldnt date moms until I met this one.

 

[R.D.P.]

I dont want a 23 year old because if they DONT have kids they are likely party girls and not responsible

This seems backwards to me, seems the "party girls" are going to be of the sluttier\dumber variety and likely to have allowed themselves to get knocked up and have some random guys kid by 23, but your the one out there on the front line, not me. I work with a ton of professional women in their 20's and almost none of them have kids, but the majority are in serious relationships or married. These are ambitious career focused girls with at least a BA from a good school.

Serious question - do these dating sites require you to specify if you have kids and allow people running searches to filter for kids?

 

[Russo]

Didn't realize you had to be married to be an "Expert" on being with women who have kids.

The kid especially at the age of 2-3 doesn't give a **** less if you're married to the mom or not.

It may not know what marriage is, but you can bet that child is looking for something from that male role model. At that age the child is extremely impressionable and can pick up who has it's best interests at heart..

There is a night and day difference between my wife and I's 6 year old and 12 year old. I have been in their lives for two years, the younger one I have been in his life more than his biological father has. There isn't a shadow of a doubt that when our youngest is 12, he will be so much further ahead than his older brother. This is because my influence is putting him at an advantage over the course of his life than the genetic mutation that was there for his older brother.. Children require one mother and one father that approves of them at every point in their life. It's the ones who do not get that which end up with unrealistic expectations in future relationships

 

[Regulars520]

This seems backwards to me, seems the "party girls" are going to be of the sluttier\dumber variety and likely to have allowed themselves to get knocked up and have some random guys kid by 23, but your the one out there on the front line, not me. I work with a ton of professional women in their 20's and almost none of them have kids, but the majority are in serious relationships or married. These are ambitious career focused girls with at least a BA from a good school.

Serious question - do these dating sites require you to specify if you have kids and allow people running searches to filter for kids?

They can require all they want. The online dating sites are a joke and for people who dont know how to or wont break the ice face to face with women.

It may not know what marriage is, but you can bet that child is looking for something from that male role model. At that age the child is extremely impressionable and can pick up who has it's best interests at heart..

Problem is most young guys dont care about what they are doing to the kid, they have the agenda of hit it and quit it.

 

[CompOrange04GT]

This seems backwards to me, seems the "party girls" are going to be of the sluttier\dumber variety and likely to have allowed themselves to get knocked up and have some random guys kid by 23, but your the one out there on the front line, not me. I work with a ton of professional women in their 20's and almost none of them have kids, but the majority are in serious relationships or married. These are ambitious career focused girls with at least a BA from a good school.

Serious question - do these dating sites require you to specify if you have kids and allow people running searches to filter for kids?

Some have been knocked up yes. But some havent... and because they HAVEN'T they have the time to go out and party.

Give me one second... ( dont know why I'm typing that) I'm going to sign onto POF real quick... and do an " online now" search for women between 20-30 with kids and without kids. So yes you can filter... Will update shortly

 

[Russo]

Problem is most young guys dont care about what they are doing to the kid, they have the agenda of hit it and quit it.

True, but that is a choice immature boys decide. A real man honors the child's mother. When my wife and I first started dating, I didn't want to meet the boys until after a month or so in case it didn't work out. No reason for her children getting attached to some random guy for a month. I never understood why single mothers do that crap.

 

[fangstang]

Yeah not going to get trolled into an argument with you.

However the .02 is people have set parameters for love. No moms, dont change your hobbies, etc... Doesnt matter how many moms or non moms you have "banged" any guy can bang a chick its not ****ing rocket science. A man can find a woman he desires, and make her fall in love with him. A man can make the kid fall in love with them too. There are no experts for love, period. Every guy says he is going to do this and do that yada yada yada, and plan A comes true how many times? Its usually plan e or f that happens. So go ahead and set your parameters for love and when the right one that will love you and treat you right goes bye bye because the kid inconviences your plans. To each their own but even giving advise on love is stupid because yeah it doesnt quite work that way. P.S I am married to a mom, been happily married for over 8 years, and I was that guy who said he wouldnt date moms until I met this one.

So you should just fall in love with whatever comes your way just because you fell in love? Thats the suckers game. I've seen so many fkn idiots marry the wrong person just because they fell in love. I would NEVER allow myself to fall in love with someone that has kids. IDGAF how nice, sweet, good looking, or whatever positive things you can think of. If I met a girl that I got a long with and we had everything under the sun in common and then she told me she had kids, I would totally disconnect and run. People fall in love too easily and dont think about the future because it feels so good right now and they think they'll tackle whatever problems may arise when they come up. If they only used the right head in the first place, they wouldnt be in the mess they're in.

 

[CompOrange04GT]

Update for RDP

Between age 21-30 online right now within 25 miles of my location. 14 women

Between age 21-30 online right now within 25 miles of my location. 47 women


I can filter it more.. for education and etc... But that is just with or without kids. With no filter for looks/education/smoking/drinking/religion.. etc

So out of those.. you can imagine some are gross looking.... heavy smokers... heavy drinkers... etc etc..

So if say you wanted someone with no kids.. who doesnt drink.. doesnt smoke and has a bachelors at least.

I'd say that number would go to likely 4 without kids... and 30 or so with

 

[Regulars520]

So you should just fall in love with whatever comes your way just because you fell in love? Thats the suckers game. I've seen so many fkn idiots marry the wrong person just because they fell in love. I would NEVER allow myself to fall in love with someone that has kids. IDGAF how nice, sweet, good looking, or whatever positive things you can think of. If I met a girl that I got a long with and we had everything under the sun in common and then she told me she had kids, I would totally disconnect and run. People fall in love too easily and dont think about the future because it feels so good right now and they think they'll tackle whatever problems may arise when they come up. If they only used the right head in the first place, they wouldnt be in the mess they're in.

To each their own ,if you have your future all planned out and who you will and will not love then thats great. Hope plan A works out for you....

 

[CompOrange04GT]

So you should just fall in love with whatever comes your way just because you fell in love? Thats the suckers game. I've seen so many fkn idiots marry the wrong person just because they fell in love. I would NEVER allow myself to fall in love with someone that has kids. IDGAF how nice, sweet, good looking, or whatever positive things you can think of. If I met a girl that I got a long with and we had everything under the sun in common and then she told me she had kids, I would totally disconnect and run. People fall in love too easily and dont think about the future because it feels so good right now and they think they'll tackle whatever problems may arise when they come up. If they only used the right head in the first place, they wouldnt be in the mess they're in.

I 100% agree with you brother.