NWS Pics that make you :lol: every time you see them NWS

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SecondhandSnake

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Columbus, IN
fastlane65 said:
enhanced-buzz-3851-1383492687-0.jpg
Click to expand...

All I could think of was-
quote-an-escalator-can-never-break-it-can-only-become-stairs-you-should-never-see-an-escalator-mitch-hedberg-82078.jpg
 
blacknight07607

blacknight07607

Tailgating State
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Joined
Oct 4, 2002
Messages
3,609
Location
Bergen Cnty, NJ

From the mind of Rodney Dangerfield.....


My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used
me to time an egg.

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet
she won't drink from my glass!

Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy
negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.

A girl phoned me and said, 'Come on over. There's nobody home.'
I went over. Nobody was home!

A hooker once told me she had a headache.

I went to a massage parlor.. It was self-service. .

If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.

I was making love to this girl and she started crying I said, 'Are you
going to hate yourself in the morning?' She said, 'No, I hate myself
now.'

I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger. That's
when you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head
comes off.

I knew a girl so ugly... they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders.

My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the
roaches hang themselves.

I'm so ugly I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for
mooning.

The other day I came home and a guy was jogging, naked. I asked
him, 'Why?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'

My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer.

I know I'm not sexy. When I put my underwear on I can hear the
Fruit-of-the- Loom guys giggling.

My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal.

My wife likes to talk to me during sex; last night she called me from
a hotel.

My family was so poor that if I hadn't been born a boy, I wouldn't have
had anything to play with.


It's been a rough day. I got up this morning ... put a shirt on and a
button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off.
I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.

I was such an ugly kid! ...When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept
covering me up.

I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and
radio.

I was such an ugly baby that my mother never breast fed me. She
told me that she only liked me as a friend.

I'm so ugly my father carried around a picture of the kid who came
with his wallet.

When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room and said to
my father, "I'm sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled
through anyway."

I'm so ugly my mother had morning sickness...AFTER I was born.

I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my
finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, and asked him to help me
find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He
said, "I don't know kid. There's so many places they can hide."

My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.

I'm so ugly, I once worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how
big I'd get.

I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and I
look in the mirror I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?" He
said..."Nothing, your eyesight is perfect."

I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills.
My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my
kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.

Some dog I got. We call him Egypt because in every room he leaves
a pyramid. His favorite bone is in my arm. Last night he went on the
paper four times - three of those times I was reading it.

One year they wanted to make me a poster boy - for birth control.

My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in the
electric chair.

I'm so old, I could go tomorrow. As a matter of fact, I hope I do go
tomorrow... I didn't go today.
 
Last edited:
wrksnfx

wrksnfx

FordTrucksDaRestJustSuck
Established Member
Joined
Nov 29, 2004
Messages
2,350
Location
Clinton Township, Mi
RIDNEY Dangefiel? You mean Rodney Dangerfield right?
blacknight07607 said:

From the mind of Ridney Dangerfield.....


My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used
me to time an egg.

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet
she won't drink from my glass!

Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy
negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.

A girl phoned me and said, 'Come on over. There's nobody home.'
I went over. Nobody was home!

A hooker once told me she had a headache.

I went to a massage parlor.. It was self-service. .

If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.

I was making love to this girl and she started crying I said, 'Are you
going to hate yourself in the morning?' She said, 'No, I hate myself
now.'

I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger. That's
when you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head
comes off.

I knew a girl so ugly... they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders.

My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the
roaches hang themselves.

I'm so ugly I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for
mooning.

The other day I came home and a guy was jogging, naked. I asked
him, 'Why?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'

My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer.

I know I'm not sexy. When I put my underwear on I can hear the
Fruit-of-the- Loom guys giggling.

My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal.

My wife likes to talk to me during sex; last night she called me from
a hotel.

My family was so poor that if I hadn't been born a boy, I wouldn't have
had anything to play with.


It's been a rough day. I got up this morning ... put a shirt on and a
button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off.
I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.

I was such an ugly kid! ...When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept
covering me up.

I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and
radio.

I was such an ugly baby that my mother never breast fed me. She
told me that she only liked me as a friend.

I'm so ugly my father carried around a picture of the kid who came
with his wallet.

When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room and said to
my father, "I'm sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled
through anyway."

I'm so ugly my mother had morning sickness...AFTER I was born.

I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my
finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, and asked him to help me
find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He
said, "I don't know kid. There's so many places they can hide."

My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.

I'm so ugly, I once worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how
big I'd get.

I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and I
look in the mirror I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?" He
said..."Nothing, your eyesight is perfect."

I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills.
My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my
kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.

Some dog I got. We call him Egypt because in every room he leaves
a pyramid. His favorite bone is in my arm. Last night he went on the
paper four times - three of those times I was reading it.

One year they wanted to make me a poster boy - for birth control.

My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in the
electric chair.

I'm so old, I could go tomorrow. As a matter of fact, I hope I do go
tomorrow... I didn't go today.
Click to expand...
 
venom_inc

venom_inc

Killing time at work.
Established Member
Joined
Mar 17, 2006
Messages
7,307
Location
North Jersey
blacknight07607 said:

From the mind of Ridney Dangerfield.....


My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used
me to time an egg.

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet
she won't drink from my glass!

Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy
negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.

A girl phoned me and said, 'Come on over. There's nobody home.'
I went over. Nobody was home!

A hooker once told me she had a headache.

I went to a massage parlor.. It was self-service. .

If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.

I was making love to this girl and she started crying I said, 'Are you
going to hate yourself in the morning?' She said, 'No, I hate myself
now.'

I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger. That's
when you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head
comes off.

I knew a girl so ugly... they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders.

My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the
roaches hang themselves.

I'm so ugly I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for
mooning.

The other day I came home and a guy was jogging, naked. I asked
him, 'Why?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'

My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer.

I know I'm not sexy. When I put my underwear on I can hear the
Fruit-of-the- Loom guys giggling.

My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal.

My wife likes to talk to me during sex; last night she called me from
a hotel.

My family was so poor that if I hadn't been born a boy, I wouldn't have
had anything to play with.


It's been a rough day. I got up this morning ... put a shirt on and a
button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off.
I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.

I was such an ugly kid! ...When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept
covering me up.

I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and
radio.

I was such an ugly baby that my mother never breast fed me. She
told me that she only liked me as a friend.

I'm so ugly my father carried around a picture of the kid who came
with his wallet.

When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room and said to
my father, "I'm sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled
through anyway."

I'm so ugly my mother had morning sickness...AFTER I was born.

I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my
finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, and asked him to help me
find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He
said, "I don't know kid. There's so many places they can hide."

My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.

I'm so ugly, I once worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how
big I'd get.

I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and I
look in the mirror I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?" He
said..."Nothing, your eyesight is perfect."

I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills.
My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my
kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.

Some dog I got. We call him Egypt because in every room he leaves
a pyramid. His favorite bone is in my arm. Last night he went on the
paper four times - three of those times I was reading it.

One year they wanted to make me a poster boy - for birth control.

My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in the
electric chair.

I'm so old, I could go tomorrow. As a matter of fact, I hope I do go
tomorrow... I didn't go today.
Click to expand...

Wow, the picture made me LOL everytime I saw it.
 
03cobra5485

03cobra5485

Active Member
Established Member
Joined
Apr 4, 2008
Messages
2,458
Location
PA
sc98cbra said:
They are speaking German after the guy hit himself, not "broken English."
Click to expand...

I'm pretty sure the word "answer me" does not translate over from English to german as "answer me". Just my 2 cents..back to the funny!
 
Last edited:
Electrokid

Electrokid

Member
Established Member
Joined
Jan 13, 2012
Messages
543
Location
Manitoba
mysterio said:
Let me try and redeem myself with something that I know is not fake or staged, but still funny. Watch the Chicago player hit the Winnipeg player so hard, that the glass gets knocked out.

What's funny is if you watch it close enough, you'll see Chicago fans showing the visiting player no love.

Bollig sends Pardy through the glass on hit Video - NHL VideoCenter
Click to expand...

The helmet thing was funny, but the woman dumping the beer was just downright disrespectful... and yes, I'm biased.
 

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