What's your most bone-headed miss you ever had with a woman? I'm talking about a time when she couldn't have been more obvious she wanted you unless she unzipped your pants and blew you in public, and you felt like a complete moron immediately after.
I have two:
1. First day of my sophomore year of college. I was 19. I went into my film appreciation class and sat down. I was early, so there weren't a lot of people in the room yet. The classroom was set up like a theater for obvious reasons, and the chairs all swiveled (important info for later).
One of the hottest brunettes I've ever seen in real life walks in, looks around at ALL the empty seats, looks and me, smiles, and sits down right next to me on my left. She smiles again and says hi. I say hi, trying not to nervous-vomit on her as I do so.
She was quite possibly one of the only legit 10's I've been that close to. And I mean 10 by any standard, LA and Miami standards included. She was probably about a D cup, perfect curves, bright green eyes, dark brown hair just past her shoulder, toned arms and legs (she was wearing a halter top and short skirt), and perfect tan skin....not one freckle or blemish that I could see. She was a god damn knock out. I'm pretty sure I was trembling.
The rest of the class fills up. Shortly into the lecture, I feel something touch the outside of my left knee...then again....then again. I glance over out of the corner of my eye and this girl is swiveling her chair toward me, then back to center, toward me, then back to center, touching my knee with hers each time. Finally I get the courage to actually turn my head and blatantly look at her and I swear to Christ she is holding her pencil up to her mouth, biting down on the eraser, and staring me right in the face with her bright-ass green eyes. I'm pretty sure my heart stopped and I actually died for a few seconds.
So in my stupid head, I think for a minute, "I swear I've watched this porno somewhere before." But then I immediately think "no I'm imagining at least part of this, she's not hitting on me. No way. She's so far out of my league I'd be stupid to think otherwise." I mean she's the NBA to my high school junior varsity so there's no way, right?
And so....I did nothing. All class long. Eventually she gave up and just focused on the lecture, but it didn't end there. After class, she looks at me one last time, smiles and says bye. I say bye back and we leave. Turns out we're going to same direction. I notice her look back at me as she's walking and then....drops her pencil on the ground and keeps walking. I pick it up. It has her bite marks on it. I contemplate keeping it and trying to clone her later but then realize that's crazy and speed up to catch her. I say "here you dropped this." She smiles and says "oh thank you..." and I swear she bit her lower lip as she smiled and looked back at me....
...And then my stupid ass just kept walking and that was it. She never came back to that class and I never saw her again. I remember later that day sitting in my car wanting to punch myself in the face after putting it all together. I'm pretty sure I could've gotten her to skip whatever classes she had left and taken her home with me. And instead I did nothing...lol.
2. This one, believe it or not, was more obvious than the first. It was about a year or so later. I think I was 20 or 21. I was working at a Spencer Gifts at the time and this blonde walks in who's pretty damn hot. I'd say she was a 7. Smiles at me as she's walking to be back of the store. I'm oblivious, of course.
I notice she's in the "adult" novelty section. She finally comes up to the register with a T-shirt she wants to buy and says "so hey, I was looking in the back section and noticed you have this vibrating cucumber "toy" that looks interesting, but it looks kind of hard and plastic. Do you have anything a bit more....fleshy?" I look at her kind of surprised and say "no...no I don't think so. That's about all we carry." She looks down at name tag on my lanyard and back up at me. "Oh come on, Jeremy....you can't think of ANYTHING you might have that could help me?" "No, like I said, that's about it, but we get new stuff all the time, so check back in a week if you'd like."
I am a ****ing idiot. She leaves and I look over at my co-worker, who heard it all, and whose jaw is on the floor. He's looking at me like I'm the most astoundingly stupid person he's ever encountered. "Dude....did you SERIOUSLY not get her number? You could be ****ing her literally RIGHT NOW. I have never seen a girl do anything like that in real life and you did nothing! I hate you. I hate that she hit on YOU and not me. I would've quit this shitty job and walked out with her."
So yeah. I was pretty hopeless in my earlier years. If I knew then what I know now about women, my college years would've been a lot different.
Those are my best of the worst. What are yours?
I have two:
1. First day of my sophomore year of college. I was 19. I went into my film appreciation class and sat down. I was early, so there weren't a lot of people in the room yet. The classroom was set up like a theater for obvious reasons, and the chairs all swiveled (important info for later).
One of the hottest brunettes I've ever seen in real life walks in, looks around at ALL the empty seats, looks and me, smiles, and sits down right next to me on my left. She smiles again and says hi. I say hi, trying not to nervous-vomit on her as I do so.
She was quite possibly one of the only legit 10's I've been that close to. And I mean 10 by any standard, LA and Miami standards included. She was probably about a D cup, perfect curves, bright green eyes, dark brown hair just past her shoulder, toned arms and legs (she was wearing a halter top and short skirt), and perfect tan skin....not one freckle or blemish that I could see. She was a god damn knock out. I'm pretty sure I was trembling.
The rest of the class fills up. Shortly into the lecture, I feel something touch the outside of my left knee...then again....then again. I glance over out of the corner of my eye and this girl is swiveling her chair toward me, then back to center, toward me, then back to center, touching my knee with hers each time. Finally I get the courage to actually turn my head and blatantly look at her and I swear to Christ she is holding her pencil up to her mouth, biting down on the eraser, and staring me right in the face with her bright-ass green eyes. I'm pretty sure my heart stopped and I actually died for a few seconds.
So in my stupid head, I think for a minute, "I swear I've watched this porno somewhere before." But then I immediately think "no I'm imagining at least part of this, she's not hitting on me. No way. She's so far out of my league I'd be stupid to think otherwise." I mean she's the NBA to my high school junior varsity so there's no way, right?
And so....I did nothing. All class long. Eventually she gave up and just focused on the lecture, but it didn't end there. After class, she looks at me one last time, smiles and says bye. I say bye back and we leave. Turns out we're going to same direction. I notice her look back at me as she's walking and then....drops her pencil on the ground and keeps walking. I pick it up. It has her bite marks on it. I contemplate keeping it and trying to clone her later but then realize that's crazy and speed up to catch her. I say "here you dropped this." She smiles and says "oh thank you..." and I swear she bit her lower lip as she smiled and looked back at me....
...And then my stupid ass just kept walking and that was it. She never came back to that class and I never saw her again. I remember later that day sitting in my car wanting to punch myself in the face after putting it all together. I'm pretty sure I could've gotten her to skip whatever classes she had left and taken her home with me. And instead I did nothing...lol.
2. This one, believe it or not, was more obvious than the first. It was about a year or so later. I think I was 20 or 21. I was working at a Spencer Gifts at the time and this blonde walks in who's pretty damn hot. I'd say she was a 7. Smiles at me as she's walking to be back of the store. I'm oblivious, of course.
I notice she's in the "adult" novelty section. She finally comes up to the register with a T-shirt she wants to buy and says "so hey, I was looking in the back section and noticed you have this vibrating cucumber "toy" that looks interesting, but it looks kind of hard and plastic. Do you have anything a bit more....fleshy?" I look at her kind of surprised and say "no...no I don't think so. That's about all we carry." She looks down at name tag on my lanyard and back up at me. "Oh come on, Jeremy....you can't think of ANYTHING you might have that could help me?" "No, like I said, that's about it, but we get new stuff all the time, so check back in a week if you'd like."
I am a ****ing idiot. She leaves and I look over at my co-worker, who heard it all, and whose jaw is on the floor. He's looking at me like I'm the most astoundingly stupid person he's ever encountered. "Dude....did you SERIOUSLY not get her number? You could be ****ing her literally RIGHT NOW. I have never seen a girl do anything like that in real life and you did nothing! I hate you. I hate that she hit on YOU and not me. I would've quit this shitty job and walked out with her."
So yeah. I was pretty hopeless in my earlier years. If I knew then what I know now about women, my college years would've been a lot different.
Those are my best of the worst. What are yours?
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