Her only missed opportunity was 4th gear.
Most obvious signal from a woman your dumb ass ever missed.
- Thread starter Branhammer
- Start date
Her only missed opportunity was 4th gear.
You beat me to the 4th.
Lol I knew someone would say it.
Site has been smoother without her. That girl had so much emotional baggage id pity the person who gets involved with her.
If my life was recorded like The Truman Show, ages 16 to 23 would have been chock full of the cringiest obliviousness you've ever seen.
If time travel ever exists, I'm going back in time to shove my foot up my own ass.
Here are a few highlights from the blooper reel that is my life. I'm not worried about my wife seeing this, because she already knows the stories and laughs at me for it.
-16, college sophomore, work up the guts to ask the most attractive girl in my class if she wants to study together. For some odd reason, she said yes. She mentioned a few places we could go, but they didn't seem like good "studying places" so I suggested the college library. We studied together and I helped her get an A in the class.
-18, finally saved up enough to get myself a Mustang GT. Saved up, put a Kenne Bell on it, the works. Several girls I knew asked to go for a ride in it, but I always had an excuse like "I have to work," or "Nah, once I get home from work, I'm in for the night." I got cornered without an excuse one time and picked up this one girl so she could run an errand. In the 6 miles I drove, we might have exchanged 3-4 sentences total. We got to the destination, she got out and asked if I wanted to go in with her. I said "nah, I'm just going to wait here, it's ok." She was surprisingly quick in the store, got back in the car, and I drove her home. I remember driving away going "wow, she doesn't talk much."
-19, co-workers finally convince me to hang out with them outside of work. Not sure why, but whatever. They invite me out to the lake for a bonfire. I get there and help split wood and stack it for the fire. It starts getting dark and others start showing up. One was a typical Starbucks-Frappucino Ugg-boot type girl who got quite drunk in a matter of minutes. She took a liking to me, which I attribute to the clearly rampant alcoholism. I kept trying to pawn her off on other people so I could keep the bonfire going healthy and drink my $1 Arizona iced tea in peace. She kept staggering back to talk to me about random things, so I asked my friend to help me out. Next thing I know, she's running over to give me a hug or something. I dodged it, she tripped and landed face-first in the outer edge of the bonfire. No, she didn't catch on fire, but she was covered in ashes and dirt.
Around 1AM, I was the only sober person there and all of these drunken slobs were stammering back to their cars. Being the nice guy that I am, I offered to drive them all home in my Explorer (two trips or so). One of 'em gave me an address, so off I went. Turns out it was a bar / night-club, and they all went in. I was half-tempted to leave them all there and drive home but my conscience got the best of me. Next thing I know, there is a small crowd approaching my Explorer, mostly women in their early 20's, clearly drunk as hell. They all piled in, and some tried hanging onto the roof rack while standing on the running boards. I was like "nope, nobody is scratching my poor truck..." and made them all sit down, buckle up, and give me an actual home address to drop them off. I got home at 3AM after dropping them all off, took a shower, went to bed, woke up at 5AM and went to work.
Man, I could shamelessly go on for hours with stories like these. The cringe-factor only gets worse with time.
If time travel ever exists, I'm going back in time to shove my foot up my own ass.
Here are a few highlights from the blooper reel that is my life. I'm not worried about my wife seeing this, because she already knows the stories and laughs at me for it.
-16, college sophomore, work up the guts to ask the most attractive girl in my class if she wants to study together. For some odd reason, she said yes. She mentioned a few places we could go, but they didn't seem like good "studying places" so I suggested the college library. We studied together and I helped her get an A in the class.
-18, finally saved up enough to get myself a Mustang GT. Saved up, put a Kenne Bell on it, the works. Several girls I knew asked to go for a ride in it, but I always had an excuse like "I have to work," or "Nah, once I get home from work, I'm in for the night." I got cornered without an excuse one time and picked up this one girl so she could run an errand. In the 6 miles I drove, we might have exchanged 3-4 sentences total. We got to the destination, she got out and asked if I wanted to go in with her. I said "nah, I'm just going to wait here, it's ok." She was surprisingly quick in the store, got back in the car, and I drove her home. I remember driving away going "wow, she doesn't talk much."
-19, co-workers finally convince me to hang out with them outside of work. Not sure why, but whatever. They invite me out to the lake for a bonfire. I get there and help split wood and stack it for the fire. It starts getting dark and others start showing up. One was a typical Starbucks-Frappucino Ugg-boot type girl who got quite drunk in a matter of minutes. She took a liking to me, which I attribute to the clearly rampant alcoholism. I kept trying to pawn her off on other people so I could keep the bonfire going healthy and drink my $1 Arizona iced tea in peace. She kept staggering back to talk to me about random things, so I asked my friend to help me out. Next thing I know, she's running over to give me a hug or something. I dodged it, she tripped and landed face-first in the outer edge of the bonfire. No, she didn't catch on fire, but she was covered in ashes and dirt.
Around 1AM, I was the only sober person there and all of these drunken slobs were stammering back to their cars. Being the nice guy that I am, I offered to drive them all home in my Explorer (two trips or so). One of 'em gave me an address, so off I went. Turns out it was a bar / night-club, and they all went in. I was half-tempted to leave them all there and drive home but my conscience got the best of me. Next thing I know, there is a small crowd approaching my Explorer, mostly women in their early 20's, clearly drunk as hell. They all piled in, and some tried hanging onto the roof rack while standing on the running boards. I was like "nope, nobody is scratching my poor truck..." and made them all sit down, buckle up, and give me an actual home address to drop them off. I got home at 3AM after dropping them all off, took a shower, went to bed, woke up at 5AM and went to work.
Man, I could shamelessly go on for hours with stories like these. The cringe-factor only gets worse with time.
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